Arts & Entertainment
By D'Anne Witkowski
Originally printed 7/24/2008 (Issue 1630 - Between The Lines News)
Creep of the Week
From the Don't Blink Or You'll Miss It Department: On July 13 John McCain told The New York Times that gays are unfit to be parents.
Two days later he told Andrew Sullivan that maybe having gay parents would be better than having no parents.
Whew! That was a close one. I was beginning to worry that McCain wasn't a gay-friendly candidate. Sure, one could call him a flip-flopper or even an unsympathetic prick, but it'd be in such poor taste to slap the feeble hand of a man reaching out to the LGBT community.
In his interview with the Times, McCain was asked if he agreed with President Bush's assertion that gays shouldn't be allowed to adopt children. He replied, "I think that we've proven that both parents are important in the success of a family so, no I don't believe in gay adoption."
Well, replied the Times, what "if the alternative is the kid staying in an orphanage, or not having parents?"
McCain responded, "I encourage adoption and I encourage the opportunities for people to adopt children. I encourage the process being less complicated so they can adopt as quickly as possible. And Cindy and I are proud of being adoptive parents."
When asked if his "concern would be that the couple should be a traditional couple" McCain replied, "Yes."
According to Think Progress, "McCain's position is an extreme one, considering that only one state, Florida, forbids all forms of gay adoption. A March 2007 study estimated that 65,000 adopted children are living with a gay or lesbian parent, and determined that a national ban on LGBT foster care could cost anywhere from $87 million to $130 million."
What the folks at Think Progress are missing is that McCain's exchange in the Times is loaded with secret gay-friendly code. While it sounds like he's saying gays aren't human enough to be trusted around children, what he's really doing is using his tongue, lips, teeth and throat to make a mixture of vowel and consonant sounds forming words that come out of his mouth.
Unfortunately, gays were too dense to get the message, leading to McCain's Director of Communications Jill Hazelbaker to send a statement to Sullivan. It reads: "McCain could have been clearer in the interview in stating that his position on gay adoption is that it is a state issue, just as he made it clear in the interview that marriage is a state issue. He was not endorsing any federal legislation.
"McCain expressed his personal preference for children to be raised by a mother and a father wherever possible. However, as an adoptive father himself, McCain believes children deserve loving and caring home environments, and he recognizes that there are many abandoned children who have yet to find homes. McCain believes that in those situations that caring parental figures are better for the child than the alternative."
See? McCain isn't the anti-gay maverick the liberal media is trying to make him out to be. His message is clear: "Gays should vote for me because I don't mean a god damn thing I say."
See? Nothing to worry about. After all, things worked out great for all the gays who voted for Bush.