Mundane Monday

How to celebrate V-Day with a splash when it falls on, like, the most boring day of the week

By Tara Cavanaugh

Originally printed 2/10/2010 (Issue 1906 - Between The Lines News)

You don't need to listen to the Bangles' panicked "Manic Monday" or the Mamas and the Papas' forlorn "Monday, Monday" to get the hint that it's the worst of the seven days. The whole week looms ahead of you with its deadlines and commutes. Wednesday is Hump Day, Thursdays get thirsty, even Tuesday was proclaimed "Boozeday" by Kathie Lee Gifford, but there's no getting around Monday: It is a day for work, and it. is. lame.

So what to do with the wistful holiday when it falls on the worst day of the week? Celebrate Valentine's Day the simple way this year: While getting shit done.

Do the laundry

Monday is statistically proven to be the day when you are most likely to realize that you don't have any clean undies left. So that means after a hasty dinner, you rush to the basement or the laundromat or wherever you clean stuff and you wait impatiently as the evening is sectioned off in loads.

Instead of pouting, challenge your guy or gal to a quickie before the buzzer goes off. If you have your own washer and dryer to desecrate, there is no better place to perform this quickie than atop your own vibrating machine, hard at work getting your clothes clean and you and your partner very, very dirty.

Go to bed early

Who wants to deal with the hassle of foreplay and romance when you have a 6 a.m. alarm? Sex on weeknights can be rushed, distracted and downright vanilla. That is, unless you hop in bed in the early evening... and stay there. An early bedtime means plenty of time to romp, cuddle and get a full night's rest (which you'll probably need).

So get into bed after dinner. Hell, you can even get into bed during dinner. Which leads us to our next tip...

Eat a heart-healthy dinner

Yes, heart-shaped food has been done: Pancakes. Brownies. Pizzas. Burgers (yes, really). But who cares? Make an entire heart-shaped meal. Mold your mashed potatoes into bursting organs of love. Make a hearty omelet to accompany heart-shaped French toast. All you need is a heart-shaped cookie cutter. Go crazy.

Sure, it's cheesy. Did we mention that cheesy is always better when covered with real cheese? Better double the cheddar on those burger patties.

Get the mail

This one takes a bit of planning, but it works whether you're in a casual or committed relationship. Send your loved one a classic, handwritten loveletter that'll be delivered right on that Monday. Whether you want to pen a simple note, a sonnet, or a lengthy proclamation of love, it's a thoughtful way to say, "Hey, I care about you so much I probably wasn't checking my e-mail while writing this."

Take out the trash

This is particularly relevant if you're in a committed relationship and this is your least favorite chore. For that day, just do it, and don't make a big stink about it. Not every romantic gesture has to be stamped with hearts. Whatever the chore is that you hate doing - that you tend to leave to your partner - just do it.