After Thwarted Kidnapping Plans, Whitmer Calls for Unity

Gov. Gretchen Whitmer addressed the State of Michigan after a plan to kidnap her and other Michigan government officials was thwarted by state and federal law enforcement agencies. She started by saying thank you to law enforcement and FBI agents who participated in stopping this [...]

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Parting Glances: Diddling DaVinci’s Code

By |2018-01-15T18:55:01-05:00December 23rd, 2004|Uncategorized|

I never paid much attention to Leonardo DaVinci’s famous painting, “The Last Supper” ’til I read Dan Brown’s blockbuster mystery, “The DaVinci Code.”
Midway through this cloak-and-dagger adventure I took a hard look at the famous picture of Jesus’s final bachelor meal with 12 stag buddies. I found there’s something familiar about the young guy seated next to Jesus — the one with a sweet face and no beard — traditionally identified as John, the disciple whom Jesus loved, or so the gospel story goes. (Don’t believe everything you read.)
“I know that face; not as a face from the past but as a living face today,” I mumbled to myself, arising from a deeply troubled sleep. “There’s an uncanny resemblance to members of our community. Is there the slightest possibility that Brown’s theory is true?” That’s how my quest for unmasking a John began.
At the risk of seeming simplistic in limited column space (So, what else is new, Charles?) I beg plenary indulgence for hitting only highlights of my fascinating thesis. What follows is the outcome of my reading of “The DaVinci Code.” In a nutshell: there are living in our rainbow midst descendants linking back through centuries to Galilean days of yore. These persons — who come and go anonymously — work real miracles for us today.
While Brown’s book is fiction (zealously researched), it’s responsible for stirring up a hornet’s nest in 30-Watt (“this little light of mine”) dimwits who are fearful of its underlying message, and the suppressed LGBT story that’s implied.
According to Brown, Jesus married Mary Magdalene, a fallen woman with a foot fetish. What’s more the couple had a son, an heir who founded a royal dynasty that persists in France and places now deemed culturally French active. (I’m convinced dynasty members walk regally among us in FA Ferndale, Royal Oak, Ann Arbor, and GA Lansing.)
Thirty-watt reader spinoffs include: “The Truth Behind the DaVinci Code,” “Cracking the DaVinci Code,” “The DaVinci Hoax,” and “Breaking the DaVinci Code.” My 200-watt version (of which you are reading the 60-watt preface) will be called, “Wanking the DaVinci Code.” It’s written for High Church Anglicans.
But let’s backtrack to the painting. Supposedly the John portrayed by Mr. Leonardo is not a John but a Mary — the selfsame Ms Magdalene. (I’d vouchsafe John’s really a drag queen, but, then again, there were no drag queens back then worth a vouchsafe, just post-opt eunuchs. But a royal line that starts with a female impersonator would be truly bluestocking — and heavenly.)
According to Brown an international religious cabal known as Opus Dei (founder Mother Doris Dei) wants desperately to keep the facts about this royal lineage from seeing the light of day, and will go to any length to do so, including opposing same-sex marriage for laity, priests, nuns, post-pubescent altar boys, and non-celibate reed organists.
Funny how all the puzzle pieces fit. For a lifetime I’ve wondered why we’ve been called kings, queens, Marys, and Johns, and why we spent so much time sitting on the throne. Thanks to Brown’s book and (gay Renaissance artist) Mr. Leonardo, I know the truth. And now my code-breaking revelation. (Alas: under penalty of Inquisitional threat — a terse telegram in Latin from Cardinal Ratswinger — I can only hint my awesome conclusion.) Fanfare music, please. Te Deum!
Royal lineage members currently work at Affirmations, Triangle, MAPP, Full Truth Church, WRAP, and MCC-Detroit. Give them a hug for old times sake. But don’t blow their cool.
Merry whatever! Happy no matter!

About the Author:

Charles Alexander