Parting Glances: Sin now. Square Dance later.

By |2018-01-16T08:06:08-05:00October 31st, 2017|Uncategorized|

For weeks a “miracle” face has been the phat star at a popular — discretely unnamed here — dance venue. (Hint: three picture IDs — one nude — 29″ waist, $10 cover charge, and proof of recent CAT scan required.)
As a result of this simulacrum [holy talk for “likeness”] dancing’s been really rad there — mind-altering trance beats, hot four-letter lyrics, and vibes that gen-you-flect! And, get this — something totally unheard of — the club’s hip-hop-head DJ donates $500 a spin to charity.
Some say it’s only a leaky roof stain. Others say it’s the BVM (Blessed Virgin Mary) beaming like Madonna (or Cher) across the dance floor. A few — skeptical kneejerks — say its former drag dolly Divine, now entertaining the troops for big-time promoter St. Pete.
Spike Goth, next to me in line, bopped: “Yo! Man; it’s a sure sign from Benito Sweet Sixteen that gays got tha’ same right to party ’til wee hours and skip Mass like every red-blooded straight American, ‘specially if they get wonky or their crib buddy’s kosher — if you get my drift.” [Got it, Spike. Get some soap-on-a-rope!]
Whoever it is (Ellen’s too young) there’s no question bodies are being touched. Several clubers report they’ve actually begun reading books and newspapers. Some say they’re getting blown away without NoDoz drinks, and a horny handful of barely legals plans to settle down permanently with one guy through June, July, August, and (possibly) Labor Day weekend.
As yours truly lacked proper IDs (passport photo a cross between Dr. Ruth/Lyle Lovett) and hadn’t got a 29″ anything worth showing off, the best I could manage was my tonsured head in the door. Even so, the — what’s that word? — simulacrum — winked my way. A guy tried to pick me up in the parking lot: a born-again Baptist in a BOI-TOI for JESUS tank top. Oh, well . . .
It seems the image is doin’ odd gigs. Weeks back I reported on the world-famous cheese sandwich godsend: a BVM “visitation” (accented by loving teeth marks) that brought its devout owner $28,000 on E-bay. (The Dairy Farmers of Wisconsin are building a cathedral out of hard cheese to house the gourmet relic. Shrine of Our Lady, Help of Land O’ Lakes, Unsalted.)
And here’s a news clip [AP: dateline Chicago]: “A man was arrested for allegedly scrawling ‘Big Lie!’ over a stain on an expressway underpass that some believed was an image of the Virgin Mary. Authorities charged Victor Gonzalez, 37, with criminal damage to state supported property, a misdemeanor.
“A steady stream of the faithful and the curious, many carrying flowers and candles, had flocked to the emergency turnoff area under the Kennedy Expressway since last month. [Following the Gonzalez cover up] some people gathered at the site and expressed sorrow. The stain was likely the result of salt runoff, according to the [spoilsport] Illinois Department of Transportation.”
The Recovering Catholic Church is admittedly skeptical. But redoubtable Sister Serena Scatterpin, Renegade Sisters of Mary — an authority on simulacra and dairy queens — says, “I’m looking forward to Our Lady’s first Oval Office cameo appearance for brunch and much needed GOP bead work. Everything else’s been PR hype. (It’d be nice, too, if she’d pop in for a better-late-then-never visit at Buchenwald — this being the 60th anniversary of camp liberation.) But like most feminists of choice, her dance card is full.”
One step forward, two steps back.

About the Author:

Charles Alexander