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Miserably lonely and looking for love at 35

Q: I will be 35 soon and I feel like I'm not where I'm supposed to be in life. I don't have a committed relationship or any relationship at all for that matter. I don't know if I will ever have one. I just don't seem to find "The One."
I don't like my job; in fact, I don't even like the kind of work that I am doing. I feel stuck in a field that I hate. I do know what I would love to do in life, but it would take me two years of grad school and set me back financially. So, it doesn't make since for me to try and change my field of work.
I sit in this office day after day thinking that if I just had a relationship that was good, I could probably deal with this job. Or, as I think of it, if I had a great job, I wouldn't be so upset that I don't have a great relationship. I'm pretty miserable and don't know how to feel better. I took up golf this summer and that was helpful but winter is coming on and I don't like outdoor sports. Do you think I will be 40 and still nothing will have changed?
Thirty-Five and Going No Where

A: Only if you fail to act. I'm not a match making service so I can't help you with finding a relationship. However, I can't understand why you would continue working in a field that you hate when in two years–a very short time–you could be doing something you liked. And who knows, on your path to getting the job you like, you might also find the person you like. People are more attracted to people who are enjoying their lives, than to those who are miserable – like you.

Having hard time moving on after major life changes

Q: Jody, I've been through so much these past two years and seemed to make it just fine. Not that it wasn't tough but I made it. I lost my job and was out of work for eight months. That was horrible and I used up all my savings, finally getting a job just in time. I was literally down to my last nickel when I finally got a new job.
I also lost my mother. She died of cancer and her last few years were very hard on her and our family. I became the main caretaker, especially after I lost my job as I was the one who had more time to help her. My father died five years ago, so she was alone and needed the help. It was a good time with her because we got closer than we had been, but still it was very difficult to watch her go downhill and have to take care of bills, grocery shopping, and just helping her in so many daily chores. Lastly, there was the estate to deal with, not that there was much money to be concerned with, just that it was also quite a hassle.
If all that wasn't enough, I had a flood in my basement and it caused so much damage and I had the insurance company to fight with. I then had to get the basement repaired–it was a finished basement.
I'm telling you all that has happened not because I want you to feel sorry for me, just to let you know what's been going on. In fact I did, as I said, get through it all very well. I never broke down during any of that time. I just plodded on, one day at a time, as they say. Now, it is all in my past and you would think that I would be happy and I guess I am or should be, anyway. But the fact is, I'm pretty down emotionally. I just don't feel like doing anything. Kind of flat, I guess, and sometimes I just cry for no reason at all. I had a check up recently, but I got an "A" on that, so I know that I'm okay there. How is that I could go through all I went through and was doing okay, and now when things are looking better, I'm feeling the way I am? I used to think I was strong but now I wonder.
Falling Apart
A: When you were going through all those major difficulties, you were on survival mode. You held yourself together in order to be able to care for you mother and deal with what life was throwing at you. You stuffed your emotions and just charged on. Now, that you have reached some peace in your life – or at least absence of major traumas and problems- your emotions are catching up with you. You went through major loss with your mom and your job. I'm sure that you are grieving. I would suggest you join a group that deals with grieving issues. It's time to let yourself feel what you've been holding back. You are strong. You just need to care for your emotions right now.

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Topics: Opinions
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