Dear Jody: Thanksgiving dinner woes with ex

BTL Staff
By | 2018-01-16T13:28:59-04:00 December 7th, 2006|Opinions|
Ex-girlfriend, Thanksgiving dinner bad mix for new girl

Q: I cannot tell you how pissed I am. I’m ready to disown my mother. I can’t believe how insensitive, rude and uncaring she was this Thanksgiving. What did my mother do? Well, can you believe that she invited my ex-girlfriend “Samantha” to dinner!? That’s not even the worst of it. I brought my present girlfriend “Tanya” to dinner; Mom knew that I was bringing Tanya. She just chose, on her own, to invite my ex as well!
When I asked my mother what the hell was she thinking, she said she and Samantha have remained friends (Mom really liked Samantha), and Samantha didn’t have a place to go for Thanksgiving. Mother thinks that I’m cruel for not being “charitable.”
Jody, I know for a fact that Samantha has plenty of places to go for Thanksgiving. I am also sure that she manipulated my mother into having her over. Samantha has maintained a relationship with my mother to try to get back into my life. That’s what a manipulating little bitch that she is.
Tanya walked out when she saw Samantha. I ran out and talked to Tanya in the car. She told me that we would never have a chance with my family if my mother was so attached to Samantha. Now, I have to somehow make her feel like she would be welcome in my family, but I’m wondering if she’s right. Tanya now even wonders if she and I will have a chance.
When I talked to my mother about what she did, Mom said that Samantha will always be a part of her life. She doesn’t see, at all, that this is Samantha’s hanging on to me. (Actually, it seems more like Samantha’s stalking me. She strangely, too often shows up at many places where I’m at.) Mother also doesn’t seem to get it that I would be upset about Samantha’s coming to dinner.
Well to say the least, Thanksgiving Day was ruined. Samantha left, but I stayed. The reason that I stayed was because my grandmother was there and I didn’t want to upset grandma since she is not well and won’t probably be alive next Thanksgiving. I didn’t talk to Samantha the whole time. After dinner, I took Mom into the den and that’s when I talked to her … to no avail.
So, Jody, now Christmas is coming up. How do I keep the same scene from happening? I don’t want to upset my grandma, but I also can’t go through this again. What would you do?
A Holiday Disaster
A: Tell your mother that you will not be at her house when Samantha is there. That if she wants to maintain a relationship with Samantha, that’s her business, but that she needs to respect your need not to be in Samantha’s presence. That way, it puts it on your mother. Then stick to it! As far as your grandmother is concerned, you can always make arrangements to have a special time with her on your own.

Holiday spending sprees leave shopper seeing red

Q: I hate this time of year because I spend way too much money and end up with credit cards that are impossible to pay off. The fact is, I still have not completely paid off my cards from last year’s holiday season. The trouble is, I just get carried away. I love buying gifts for people. I have a pretty good job, but it is not good enough to support the holiday season.
Please don’t tell me to stay out of the stores, I have to buy gifts. I just want to know how I can spend money in a reasonable way, not like I were a millionaire.
No Money Bags
A: Before heading to the stores, decide on how much in total dollars that you can afford to spend this season. Then, decide on how much you will spend, of that total, on each person. Write it all down on paper. Then, when it’s time to go shopping, get your list with the amount you are going to spend on each person. Get cash and leave the credit cards and checkbooks at home. You might also want to bring along someone who will support you in this effort. Good luck!

About the Author:

BTL Staff
Between The Lines has been publishing LGBTQ-related content in Southeast Michigan since the early '90s. This year marks the publication's 25th anniversary.