Is it selfish to ask ex-girlfriend to party?
Q: I have a dilemma about New Year's Eve that I want you to solve for me. My friends and I are having an argument about it so we all decided to wait and see what you would say. Hopefully this will get in before my New Year's party. So here's the problem: I want to invite my ex-girlfriend, "Katrina," to my party but I am also inviting the girl I am currently dating. I see not a problem to this because 1. It is my party and I can invite whomever I want. 2. I think it is important to keep in contact with my exes; they were once important part of my life. 3. I still like and want to be friends with Katrina.
My friends don't want me to invite her because they say they know what Katrina did to me, and they don't want to be at a party or anywhere else with her. (I think if I can get over it so should they.) They also feel it may make others at the party uncomfortable and they all really like my new girlfriend and don't want to make her uncomfortable. This party is going to be pretty big, I've invited about 50 people, so I don't see any reason for them to even acknowledge each other if they don't want to. They say I am being selfish and only thinking about myself. What do you think? Is it selfish to ask an ex-girlfriend to a party?
Forgiving and forgetting
A.I must say from what you told me – and of course I don't know the whole story, your inviting Katrina – despite how uncomfortable it would make your friends – has me wondering if you are thinking of the comfort and enjoyment of your guests. I don't know how long you and Katrina have been apart but it seems that your friends still have some pretty strong feelings about her. It sounds like it will not only may make your new girlfriend uncomfortable (Why would you want to do that?), but it will make your friends uncomfortable as well. It is your party and you can invite whomever you like, but think about what purpose will be served if you invite her to this particular party. There are certainly other ways you can keep in touch with her, if that is your motive.
Playground talk turns gay for 6-year-old
Q. I got a call from the school counselor today – about my 6-year-old son – asking me to come in and talk. Of course I did. The counselor said that the teacher said my son was telling kids on the playground he is gay and wanted to "fuck men." Of course now everyone is upset because they think I am doing something to him or that we talk that way at home, which certainly isn't true. Of course he knows the word gay, but we always say it just means that two boys or two girls love each other. When I left the school with my son, I don't think anything had been resolved. What do I do? I don't want the school to think bad things are going on at home because I am gay. Also, why would my 6-year-old son say things like that?
Distressed father
A: Just to be on the safe side, take your son to a counselor to talk about this incidence and to assure you and others that nothing is going on with him and other males that are older. Inform the school counselor about the action you are taking, and make sure you follow up with that counselor.
Your son heard those words somewhere. Hopefully, that's all. However, you would be wise to talk to all your friends and let them know that little 6-year-old ears hear things, even when they don't seem to be in the room or even listening.
Jody Valley spent 12 years as a clinical social worker. She worked with the LGBT community both as a counselor and a workshop leader in the areas of coming out, self-esteem and relationship issues. The "Dear Jody" column appears weekly.
