Q: Every time my girlfriend gets mad at me for something, she threatens to leave me, or threatens one thing or another. "Elly" and I have been together three years. She has always done this to some extent, but it has become much worse as time goes on. It makes me feel very insecure in our relationship, and I'm afraid to upset her. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells.
Let me tell you how it goes. I don't clean up the dishes in the sink immediately after I eat – I always clean them up, just not immediately. So yesterday when Elly sees my dishes there, she tells me how she just can't see herself in a lifetime of dirty dishes in the sink. She knows that I will get them cleaned up within a half-hour after I've eaten, which is what I do all the time. She does that about a lot of little things as well as bigger things. Sometimes she leaves the house saying that she needs to have something done or she won't come back, and makes me promise that I will do it. So I do it.
When we have an argument, she makes me feel like if things don't go her way, well, she's going to split. About a week ago, we had a real battle and she left for two days. She didn't even tell me where she was going or if she'd be back. I was so upset it made me sick. I called everyone I know and I couldn't find her. Then, she finally came home and wouldn't say were she was, just that she needed to leave because she can't stand conflict. And if we continued to have conflict, she would have to think about whether or not we should continue as a couple.
My concern is, her threats seem to be getting more severe and more often. It is making me sick. I now have stomach problems that I didn't have two years ago. I have asked her to stop threatening me but she denies that she does that. She says that it not a threat when she needs something, it's a reality. How can I get her to see that these are threats and that she should stop this? On Egg Shells
A: First, you have to tell her that you will not respond to her threats. I know that she says that they are not threats, but you and I know better and, frankly, so does she. This is Elly's way of controlling you. You are going to have to decide if you are going to let her do that to you. If you value your health, both physical and mental, you will have to stop reacting to her threats. However, I think this problem is probably just a symptom of more or other problems. I think you both would benefit from couples' counseling. If Elly doesn't see there is a problem and won't work on this, I think you should let Elly know that you can't see yourself in a lifetime of threats.
Seeking second opinion after family doc diagnosis
Q: I was recently diagnosed with a disease that is pretty concerning. (I'm not going into what it is because it's not important to my question.) My problem is that my family doctor who diagnosed me is upset because I want another opinion. He says that he is sure about it. There are various ways of treating my illness, and he says that he knows the best way of doing that. I've looked up medical information on the Internet and am more than ever worried that I'm (1) getting the correct diagnoses and (2) getting the right treatment.
I don't want to upset my family doctor as my family has gone to him for years. He treats almost everyone in my family. But, I'm not sleeping over thinking about all this. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to upset him or make him mad at me. What do you think I should do? Not Wanting To Upset
A: If I were you, I'd get a second opinion. I would also be upset with any doctor who wouldn't welcome a second opinion on a serious matter. I would want to see a specialist in a case like yours, not just go on a family doctor's opinion. He may be right, but you need to be sure of that. It's your life, take control and do what is best for you. Trust your gut!
