Q: Memorial Day is over and I, for one, am sick and tired of people not acknowledging why we have the day off. For me and my family, not only has this been the day to remember all the veterans that lost their lives but also to pay tribute to family members and friends that have died. Our family always made a ritual to go to the graves of relatives and friends that died, tidy up the graves, and put fresh flowers on each grave. We start preparing the flowers the day before, remembering and talking about each person as we prepare what we would put on their grave that year. It is a time to honor them and a time to grieve their passing. To me this is a day of family closeness, sharing, and honoring. I had always believed that it was an important time to each family member.
This year my sister decided she would go on a picnic with friends rather than join with the family in honoring our family and friends who've passed. My sister said that it doesn't mean that she doesn't ever think about the dead, it's just she works hard and wants to spend her time with her friends. She won't spend either day with the family as apparently she no longer wants to remember and honor the people in her life that have died.
When I tried to convince her to spend time with the family and go with us to the cemetery, we got in a huge fight and ended up screaming and yelling at each other. She accused me of not being able to let go and move on. I think she is just more concerned with herself than family. I don't understand why she can't give up one day a year to pay tribute and remember the dead. I just can't believe she is that calloused. The rest of my family didn't have much to say about her not being part of the two-day ritual. When I talked to people at work about this, most just shrugged saying they didn't do anything either. What is wrong with people these days that they can't spend one day grieving and honoring the dead?
Keeper of the Memories
A: It sounds like the ritual you and your family have is a very important part of you grieving as well as honoring the dead. It looks to me like a very healthy way of doing that. However, it is important for all of us to be allowed our own way of dealing with the grieving and loss that comes with death. One way isn't better or right compared to other ways. Your sister needs to be able to have her own way and own time to grieve. Someday she may come back and join the family ritual, but not if she isn't given the freedom to choose her own way.
Tired of job searching
Q: Michigan's economy is the pits and I can't find a job. When I first started looking I was going full force finding to find a job. I spent most of the day sending out resumes, making phone calls, visiting businesses, and calling friends and acquaintances to see if they know of any job openings. I was pretty much doing everything I needed to do. I know how to job search and was doing a good job.
The problem I am having is now I don't feel like doing anything. I am tired all the time and just have no energy. I've gotten a couple of interviews where I know that I just came off flat. I just don't know what to do to get myself up for getting a job, but financially I don't know how long I can hold on without one. How do I get my edge back when I am so tired?
Too Pooped
A: Job hunting is one of the most discouraging jobs you can have. You basically are setting yourself up for rejection, especially in the job market we are experiencing here in Michigan. So it is no wonder that you are feeling lackluster. All the symptoms that you described point to the idea that you might be depressed. Visit with you family physician, s/he will often prescribe an anti-depressant. The doctor may recommend a therapist if it looks like your depression is more serious. I don't know what area of the state you live in but there is a state-run employment agency called MichiganWorks. Go there and talk to the people at the agency. They may know of groups you could join and also may have job leads. Often they offer workshops as well as knowing who is hiring in the area. Good luck!
Have a problem? Send your letters to: "Dear Jody," C/O Between the Lines, 20793 Farmington Road, Suite 25, Farmington, MI 48336. Or, e-mail: [email protected]
