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Parting Glances: When it rains, Sister pours

I don't know how in hades she does it; but just at the exact, psychological, aerodynamically precise moment that an airplane with a banner reading, "Jesus Christ: hope for homeosexuals" is circulating above Motor City Pride 2007 Sr. Serena Scatterpin, Renegade Sisters of Mary, cellphones.
"How's it hanging (spiritually speaking), dear boy?" she chortles, barely audible above the chatter of dozens of rain-soaked revelers seeking shelter in the BTL display area, where pink cellophane bags of 88-page Between The Lines and 112-page Pride Source Guides are being handed out to anyone with the LGBTQ-etc. curiosity, semi sobriety, and physical stamina to carry them.
"You sound troubled, Cupcake. Are the Fundies doing the Jesus as banker bit again this year?"
"That doesn't bother me, Sister. I mean: it's a free country. No. Whenever they yell Jesus Saves! I just yell back, Suze Orman invests! No, indeedy. What bothers me is h-o-m-e-o-s-e-x-u-a-l. What's being gay or lesbian got to do with getting it on with houses? (Unless of course there's lots of closet space.) And since when is Jesus into real estate? (Well, maybe the Mormon Church.) Obviously, the closer the Left Behinders get buns skyward the more they need Spell Check. Where are you, Sister?"
"Tee, hee. I'm in — are your ready — Petersburg, Kentucky. And, honey, it's not St. Petersburg, either. I'm at the new $27 million Creation Museum with Father Manly Everhope who's wants to get the lowdown on how the Grand Canyon was formed before we hold our Recovering Catholics Convention and Wilderness Camp Out 2007 in that space come July."
"Well, what did you find out, Sister? Grand Canyon's a big place. And didn't you tell me Father Everhope wanted to hold the RC Convention this year in Hines Park. Something about the scenery and rest stop areas there are more conducive to moral recovery?"
"That's true, my gayola friend. But you know Father. He likes to think big. The bigger the better in his case. Anyhow. Here's the Grand Canyon poop. It's the result of Noah's flood way back when the earth was created 6000 years ago in six days. That's what Creation Museum founder Ken Ham (don'tcha just love that name) tells everybody. How about them Garden of Eden love apples?"
"Seems a little odd to me. Only six thousand years ago. I mean doesn't the Huckstering Hamster, know there's six billion, 580 million people on this planet right now. And what about Noah's Flood, when God got really pissed and wiped out everybody but eight humans and a boat load of livestock stuck together for 40 rainy days and soggy, deodorant-free nights? That's a lot of manure shoveling."
"Now, now, dear boy. Have you no faith? There are six billion of us crowding this beleaguered tourist trap of a planet for the simple reason that practicing birth control or giving women say over their bods are mortal sins. Ask the Pope. Besides I suspect that given the time constraints, copulating couples made up for it wholeheartedly. Nonstop nookie. Rock around the DKNY clock!"
"Just out of curiosity, Sister. I hear the museum expects 250,000 touristas a year. I assume there's popcorn, souvenirs, smelling salts."
"Saints preserve us, Boy Wonder. The animatronic dinosaurs are to die for. They're so scrumptiously real. And Noah's Ark. Big as the Titanic. Father Everhope went bonkers over the screened special effects — wind, rain, thunder, ocean bellows — and two angels who lovingly announce, God loves science!"
"Sure. He just hates homeosexuals. Ciao! Sister."

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