‘It’s All Because (The Gays Are Getting Married)’
Lindsay Lohan: It’s. Not. Your. Fault. Blame us.
Non-queers everywhere can now sleep sound knowing life’s earthquakes – coke addictions, stubbing a toe, divorce, famine and, hell, even death – occur due to the homo invasion. Or at least according to musical funnyman Oded Gross’s tongue-in-cheek “It’s All Because (The Gays Are Getting Married).” Think Sarah Silverman. With a penis.
The seed for the song – “The best I’ve written,” he hoots – was planted years ago during George Bush’s reelection, when the president spilled his discouraging views on gay marriage. “I thought, ‘Oh, he just blew his second election; there’s no way he’ll get reelected now.’ And then, of course, after a few days passed and I realized just how much of the country seemed to be like, ‘Yeah, he’s right!’ I guess I felt very naive and (I thought), ‘How could I be a minority here?'”
Being Jewish, Gross notes, has upped his sensitive state when he feels a repressed group is being persecuted. After seeing politicians swarm his television screen, acting like gay marriage would yield an apocalypse, “I found that absurd, and funny, and upsetting,” he says.
The gut-busting video clip (available on YouTube and Gross’ MySpace page) launches with Gross, who’s an aspiring actor and has appeared in “Boston Legal” and FX Networks’ “The Shield,” looking weepy as his wife (played by his real-life spouse) decides to leave him, packing her bags and leaving behind a note with the real reason for their split: those gays.
Phew! A relieved Gross is glad to know that other offenses, like him leaving the toilet seat up, aren’t the reason she said “see ya.” Though, as he chats en route from hometown Los Angeles to San Diego, he admits that’s a habit his wife never has to worry about.
“You wanna know the God’s-honest truth? Most of the time that I’m at home and I go to the bathroom, I’m sitting down. And in fact, my wife had always suggested – we have a little boy, as well – (that he) dab his penis after he pees. And I’m of course refusing that, saying, ‘No, absolutely not. After you pee, you’re supposed to get a little pee on your pants.'”
Along with an elderly man he appointed from Craigslist and several buddies from his consumer-product Disney job, Gross’ other tot has a quick cameo in the video. He knocks her toy on the ground, yielding some sobbing, and then blames gays for those Save The Children commercials. Or maybe it’s the blacks’ fault? Or how about those Jews? Oh – wait! – the Guatemalans?
He chides all of these minorities for his and the world’s pickles for the sake of satire. “In my own personal view, I would never blame anything on anyone,” he pauses, and then laughs: “I take responsibility for all the crap that’s happened to me.”