Canceled trip causes relationship problems
Q: This is one of those questions of these times, I guess. By that, I mean that
I was going to take my partner, "Thomas," on a vacation to Europe this fall. I still wish that I could do that, but when I promised him that, I didn't know what would happen financially speaking. My ability to do this is now really at risk; actually, I just can't do it now. The problem is: The stock market is plummeting as I write this. I had expected to sell some stock for this trip, but now I can't afford to sell. The other thing is that the dollar won't be worth much in Europe at this time, given the horrible exchange rate right now. I can't afford food and board for this vacation, let alone all the extras that come with travel. That's the financial problem of it all. The problem with Thomas is that he either doesn't understand or doesn't care about the fact that given all these financial issues, I can't afford this right now. He just gets all upset and cries saying that I don't keep my promises and that I don't really care about him; otherwise, I would take him to Europe. Believe me Jody, when I promised this, I was totally into taking Thomas to Europe. I can't help about what my financial situation is now, but Thomas just doesn't seem to understand. When I told Thomas that we couldn't go to Europe as planned, he came unglued. He told me that we have been planning this trip for three years (true) and that if I loved him, I would not do this to him. I tried to explain to him the financial problem of this, he just didn't seem to be able to hear me. I couldn't explain it so he could understand. For him, he just saw it as a betrayal of a promise. I feel angry, myself. I feel angry that Thomas doesn't seem to understand and angry that my trip to Europe is now not possible. I was looking forward to this, too! But now, I have to feel bad about disappointing Thomas, as well. Along with my disappointment, I also feel angry about Thomas' attitude, not understanding my finances. In other words, I'm feeling like crap right now. What can I say to Thomas to help him understand, so I don't have to feel like an Indian giver? Help
A: You need to give up feeling guilty about circumstances beyond your control, i.e. the exchange rate and the stock market's decline. I don't know what activities that you both were going to be involved in while in Europe, but aren't there places in the U.S. or Canada that you could enjoy, here, in North America? Maybe Thomas could be into looking at other vacation alternatives. Did you try that? If Thomas is into just your "keeping a promise" and not looking at the circumstances, then I think you need to look up and see the red flag floating above your relationship.
P.S.: "Indian giver": an insult to American Indians. I'll restrain myself from saying more.
Woman's dance moves embarrass partner
Q: This may seem like a trivial question, but it is important to me because it affects me. The problem is that my partner, "Julie," is a bad dancer, yet she loves to dance. If she were out there dancing by herself, I would be OK with it, no problem. But, she wants me to dance with her! I just can't bring myself to feel OK about dancing with her. And, if I'm truly honest, even her being out on the dance floor by herself, doing her thing, is a real embarrassment. I laugh with my friends and act as if I feel OK about it all, but in fact, I feel embarrassed for her. OK, that's horrible of me! I know that. I love her and I should be OK with anything she does, right? Well, I'm not that wonderful, I guess. If you can see me as even half of a human, please tell me how I can not insult her, but save my dignity as well.
She Thinks She Can Dance
A: Tell her that you would like to take ballroom dancing lessons with her, so that you can both dance together. Hopefully, she'll get better and you'll learn a thing or two yourself. You are a good partner to want to be so careful with Julie's feelings. Good luck!
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