Creep of the Week: Family Impact Summit

I don't know what you were doing Sept. 20-22, but if you weren't in Tampa you missed a hell of a party. No, not some silly circuit party with shirtless muscle boys. I'm talking about the Family Impact Summit.
There ain't no party like a right-wing party 'cause a right-wing party don't stop!
Had you gone you would have seen conservative Christian hotshots like Tony Perkins (Family Research Council), Tom Minnery (Focus on the Family) and Don Wildmon (American Family Association). Now wave your hands in the air, wave 'em like you just don't care, and if you want to rock with the right-wingers on the block, everybody say 'HELL YEAH!'
Truly rockin' the mic like a vandal (that's a Vanilla Ice reference, y'all) was Peter Sprigg, vice president for public policy at the Family Research Council. His PowerPoint presentation on The Homosexual Agenda was off the hook!
According to the folks from People for the American Way who sent a few folks to the party, Sprigg said homosexuals are crossing out agenda items right and left as they complete their goal to "indoctrinate every student from kindergarten to 12th grade."
I guess Sprigg is unaware of how much success gays have recruiting at college. They don't call it a Liberal Arts education for nothing.
I'm kidding. Gays don't recruit. They don't have to. People are born gay every day and it has nothing to do with the grenadine gays have been pumping into the drinking water (I just made that up. Gays aren't putting anything in the water, but five bucks says Sprigg adds it to his PowerPoint for next year).
Sprigg told the tens of people gathered to hear him speak, "We desire the best for homosexuals, and desiring the best for someone and acting to bring that about is the essence of love…" Given the epidemic of social conservatives being caught sneaking around restrooms, I find this comment ironic. Read it again, only take out "the best for." See? It's code.
Sprigg claimed that because there are gay couples raising kids who are "the result of previous heterosexual relationships" this "undermines the notion that homosexuality is something fixed from birth and cannot change–there are very few homosexuals who have never had a heterosexual relationship." That's bad news for any self-avowed straight guy who ever, ahem, "experimented" at, say, an all boys sleepover camp.
Sprigg also shook his finger at "militant gay rights activists" who equate sexual orientation with race. Gay rights are not a civil rights issue. Why? Because "homosexuality is not equivalent to heterosexuality."
But what do those gays trying "to co-opt family life, our rights, and change America into an America that is only good for them" look like? Alan Chambers, the president of Exodus International knows. A gay is rich. "None of us in the pro-family movement are making money. I am in poverty compared to what the executives of the pro-gay movement are making," Chambers said. A gay is also a "jaunty mustached muscleman."
I'd say "You can't make shit like this up," except that they did, indeed, make shit like this up.