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Actor’s penis gets sequel in straight-to-DVD flick

By | 2018-01-16T07:37:20-05:00 July 31st, 2008|Opinions|
Billy Masters

“Actors are basically drag queens. People will tell you they act because they want to heal mankind or, you know, explore the nature of the human psyche. Yes, maybe. But basically we just want to put on a frock and dance.” – Colin Firth gives his opinion on what motivates performers. He might be onto something – especially for the British actors!

You all thought you were watching Meryl Streep in a movie version of the musical “Mamma Mia!”, right? Well, you’re wrong. What you really saw was her audition for the film version of the Broadway musical based on the film “Sunset Boulevard.” Streep has had several meetings about bringing the Andrew Lloyd Weber show to the big screen, and felt that showing she could carry a film musical would push her a bit closer…and she may be right. The producers want Barbra. Glenn Close is dying to do it. Streep is right smack dab in the middle.

Speaking of “Mamma Mia!”, Pierce Brosnan tried his hardest to make something earnest out of “S.O.S.” – and had me setting off flares trying to get rescued from the sinking ship! In spite of that, he tops the UK list of most popular gay icons over 50. Admittedly, it’s a wading pool of talent. Runners-up include Bruce Willis, Richard Gere and Harrison Ford…with Mel Gibson a distant fifth.

Tom Cruise isn’t on anyone’s list these days – including Paramount Pictures. Rumors swirled that a sequel to “Top Gun” was in the works, and would have Cruise reprising his “Maverick” character as the flight school instructor. If I have taught you all one thing over this past decade of dish, it’s to completely reject a story if it sounds implausible. What about that scenario sounds likely? It’s almost a smorgasbord of impossibilities. As if on cue, Paramount stated that there was “no way that Cruise would be returning to the role” – which almost reeks of “over our cold dead bodies.” Have no fear. Tommy Boy does make the smallest of cameos in the upcoming “Tropic Thunder” – which, given his current career trajectory, is much more plausible.

While in NYC, I attended the opening night of “[title of show]” (yes, that’s really the name of the show), a musical about two guys who want to write a musical. And it’s just that – conversations are musicalized, dialogue is transcribed and, likely, punched up a bit. It’s had three prior incarnations, and each time word of mouth grew. But then there was a lull of about 16 months. What did the creators do? Hit YouTube. Lying through their teeth, they announced an imminent transfer to Broadway, got high-profiled friends to participate, and generated considerable buzz (and investor interest). This all led to opening night, which played more like a rock concert than a Broadway musical. In truth, this is a show that is a better fit off-Broadway, where it would be a huge hit that would play for decades. On Broadway – who knows. For now, the cast is flying on cloud nine and even I found myself welling up during the curtain calls. These people spent the last 90 minutes wistfully wondering if their show would ever make it to Broadway, and there I was, watching them cry during the curtain calls of their Broadway opening. If it gives just one person the motivation to go out and create something for the theater, then “[title of show]” will have succeeded.

Funniest moment – onstage, the boys are trying to figure out who is a big “name” they could lock into their show to help get it produced. They go through several suggestions, until one suggests Betty Buckley. “Betty Buckley?” the other asks incredulously. “I hear she’s a hot box of crazy!” And sitting third row center was…Betty Buckley! She was allegedly told of the line in advance, but she still laughed out loud – in that mindless way crazy people so often do!

If you’ve seen my show, “Going Out On A Limb,” you know that the best place to meet famous people is at the restroom … a bit unseemly (like my encounter with Brad Pitt – but that’s a story I save for the show), but it works. That’s where I had my brief encounter with Derek Keeling. By the time you read this, he will have joined the Broadway cast of “Grease,” making my job as his champion done. Sadly, my gaydar registered nary a blip….and I just had it calibrated. What can I say – on stage he oozes sexuality and comes off as a good solid “maybe.” In person, nah. But still gorgeous, friendly, and talented. Finally, a real leading man hits Broadway.

After NYC, I zipped to Provincetown for one night. I dropped everything to see David Drake’s production of “2 Boys In A Bed…” before it closed. Of course, I got down there and found it has extended through August…thanks for keeping me in the loop. No matter, it gave me time to spend with Davey, and the show is a miracle – a real play in the center of Provincetown (at the Art House) that gay men are (and should be) supporting! I am thrilled for David, and for Spencer Quest and Scott Cunningham who are both fine specimens in that infamous bed. If you are in town, this should be your first stop. I’ll post some hot pics of the duo on

This time in Ptown, I did manage to recognize John Cantwell and Terrence Michael from “The Nelly Olesons” – both in and out of drag.

Speaking of drag, I had this conversation with Jackie Beat:

Jackie: Billy!
Billy: Hey baby. Having fun yet?
Jackie: Still hating every moment. But, I’m changing all my posters and flyers. (Shows me the old one).
Billy: Why?
Jackie: This is too glamorous. It doesn’t say “funny.” But I have a photo of me in bed with an elk!
Billy: Well nothing says “funny” like a big drag queen in bed with an elk!

Happy Birthday, Jackie!

My cousin-in-law, Casper Van Dien, is coming out with another one of those movies that goes direct to DVD. “Starship Troopers 3: Marauder” is news to me – I didn’t even know there was an “ST2”! Turns out, Casper skipped that one, but is back in action for this low-budget sequel. You may recall the infamous shower scene from the first flick – where we got those long, lingering looks at every inch of Casper (even a full-frontal peek). We got an advance copy of “ST3” and let me cut to the chase – there is a similar scene in this flick and Casper doesn’t disappoint. He gives us just as much nudity as in the first film, and 11 years later, he looks as hot as ever. No need to wait a few weeks for the release – just head to, the site that gives you a full release every week!

Could it be that hunky Brady Quinn is gay? No, and he wants to make sure we all know it. Why the fuss? It all started when designed an ad around a pic of the shirtless stud talking on the phone. This ad has run for months, but apparently Quinn just got wind of it. He has asked his “people” to get it squashed and is considering legal action against the alleged “dating site.” On the positive side, it’s a really hot pic…so hot that I’ll post it (completely unauthorized).

When I’m flexing my first amendment muscles for photos of muscle studs, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. I get to stay put in Boston for a week before hitting the road once again. You can keep track of all my exploits (some too juicy for print) at If you simply cannot get enough there, write me at and I promise to get back to you before Pierce is cast as “Max”! So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

About the Author:

BTL Staff
Between The Lines has been publishing LGBTQ-related content in Southeast Michigan since the early '90s. This year marks the publication's 27th anniversary.