“Ricky Martin will not be here tonight. He just had twins today. Surrogate mom. Yeah, they had to do it that way because babies don’t come out of other men’s asses.” – Denis Leary goes after La Martin during “Fashion Rocks.” If Martin were out, I’d probably be offended. But since he’s not, fuck it.
I recently received an e-mail about a seminar called “Invisible Men: What to Do When You’re No Longer Young and Cute.” My initial reaction was, why did someone send this to moi! I also wondered if the instructor was ever young and cute…but that’s another story.
But, aren’t the real “invisible men” the ones who are young and NOT cute? I would think the pressure is enormous on young men – particularly gay men. This point was cemented when I read an article in the “Dallas Morning News” about the “hierarchy of hotness” at Abercrombie & Fitch stores. I can’t imagine someone unattractive even wanting to work there – I have trouble shopping there unless I’ve gone to the gym every day the previous week! This article alleges that ugly people don’t even get interviewed, marginally-attractive people get to work in the stock room, and good-looking people work the floor. And, if something happens to impede their looks (i.e. a bad haircut, acne, loss of a limb), they are either banned from talking with customers or, in some cases, fired! While I don’t completely agree with A&F’s stance, I doubt a fat guy in a wheelchair with a bad perm and acne would have quite the impact of the shirtless greeters during the holiday season.
Many people consider Zac Efron both young and cute – and you may soon be able to see him in the flesh. We hear that he really wants to do a musical on stage. There were rumors that he’d reprise his film role of “Link” with the Broadway company of “Hairspray” since Ashley Parker Angel just left the role. But now we hear he’d like to tackle the West End and take on the title role of “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat” (playing, presumably “Joseph” and not the coat). UK sensation Lee Mead (who makes my heart go pitter-pat) will depart the production in January and Zac’s people have initiated some discussions. Fingers crossed.
Lance Bass, who was at one time young, is enjoying a side-benefit from his first two weeks of training for “Dancing With The Stars” – he’s lost five pounds. At this rate, he’ll be in fighting form by the finals!
Little Daniel Radcliffe just began previews of “Equus” on Broadway – complete with his infamous nude scene. Of course, you know the only place to see video footage from the UK production is http://www.BillyMasters.com. And now, some slightly blurry snaps from the first preview have fallen into our hands, which we’ll also post. These will have to do until I get there with our sophisticated photographic equipment once the show opens on Sept. 25. If you don’t see him in person, Radcliffe claims he’ll be naked in “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows,” which will be shot sometime next year. “At first I thought I’d have [underwear] on for the scene. Apparently not. But I’ve sort of done that before on stage. It’s all old hat now, really.”
Gay porn star Kurt Wild has made two startling revelations – that he worked at Subway and that he was fired from the chain when his gay porn work was revealed. I’m not sure which of these was more startling, but it does give new meaning to the question “6-inch or footlong?” Allegedly, a customer learned of Kurt’s other occupation and complained, saying he’d boycott the chain unless Kurt was fired. Wild claims this led to his wrongful termination, so he’s calling for his own boycott on Subway. He says he’s been “lynched” for doing gay porn…which is particularly fascinating since he’s straight (not to mention married and a father)!
Pamela Anderson has refuted that ridiculous rumor that she and Michael Jackson are dating. PHEW – that’s a relief…for him! But she could catch a glimpse of his size 28 undies, since the ones that were confiscated during his molestation trial have somehow ended up with a businessman in New Jersey. The new owner is auctioning them off on eBay with a reserve of $1 million! A million for Michael Jackson’s underwear? Normally that’s what he pays after he gets into others’ undies!
David Beckham’s undies are somewhat larger than MJs, and Posh has famously claimed that he fills them quite well. Now we get confirmation from an independent source. Australian DJ Kyle Sandilands was greeted by Becks in that unmistakable soft feminine voice when they found themselves at neighboring urinals at a nightclub in LA. The DJ did what we’d all do – he snuck a peek. After explaining that some guys are growers and some are showers, he said, “Let’s just say he looks like he’s got it going on whether it’s happy or not.” Maybe he was just happy to see Kyle. Did anyone think of that??
It’s that time again – Gay Days Anaheim is right around the corner. For the 11th year in a row, gay people from around the country will converge on Disneyland October 3-5 for a host of events, including a couples dinner, youth activities, dance parties, and live performances. My favorite event is the Saturday night dance party, Kingdom, which will feature my darling Kimberly S as DJ, and live performances by Shoshana Bean, Matt Zarley, and Erin Hamilton. You can get more information and a full schedule at http://www.GayDaysAnaheim.com.
The following weekend is one of my favorite extravaganzas of the year – Sheryl Lee Ralph’s “Divas Simply Singing.” This annual AIDS benefit takes place on Oct. 11 at the Wilshire Theater in Beverly Hills and not only routinely raises thousands of dollars but is also the best show in town. This year’s divas include Patti Austin, Loretta Devine, Siedah Garrett, Miki Howard, Roslyn Kind and a possible taste of the reunited “LaBelle” – Patti LaBelle, Sarah Dash, Nona Hendryx. I can’t wait!
Speaking of divas, nothing like a presidential election year to drag Barbra Streisand out of Malibu. Although Hillary didn’t go the distance, Babs has thrown her considerable weight behind Barak, and will perform at an intimate fundraiser for the Democratic nominee on Sept. 16 at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel. The event is expected to bring in almost $2 million for the campaign – or, as Hillary would refer to it … interest.
Babs has something else to look forward to – a Kennedy Center Honor. And under a Republican administration! I hasten to add that the honorees are chosen independent of the administration, although the president does preside over a White House reception personally. Can you imagine the photos of Babs and George W? She is reportedly “humbled and thrilled.” I’m virtually lactating with anticipation!
This week’s “Ask Billy” question comes from Kenneth in Salt Lake City: “Have you seen the Verne Troyer porno tape? I’d love to see it, or any nude photos if you’ve got ’em.”
Is this really what my fans want? Really? It must be a Utah thing. Yes, I’ve seen the video. Yes, I’ll post it, against my better judgment. You can see his penis on http://www.BillyMasters.com and, I must say, it looks quite sizeable – but it could all be about proportion!
One of my dearest friends thinks Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed’s son, Nick, is a hottie. I don’t see it at all, but when a source told me he had some candid beach shots of the boy, I was willing to give him a shot. I still don’t see it, but I’m sure someone wants to – so I’ll post ’em. You know where.
When I’m posting little people porn, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. Yes, I’m finally back in LA. And I’ve hit the ground running with events scheduled for the next month. So I’ll have lots of first hand hob-nobbing to report on http://www.BillyMasters.com. If you have a hob that needs some nobbing, feel free to e-mail me at [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before I get a shift at A&F! So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.