“When someone said that about me, it made me laugh and I was quite proud of it. To have that kind of effect on so many different people around the world, I was honored. When people talk to me about being a gay icon, I think of it as a great honor.” – David Beckham likes being a gay icon. This might be the first time an icon features someone in their undies. Not that I think the church would mind…
As we prepared to land in London just after midnight, the flight attendant came over and whispered in my ear that Obama has been declared president-elect. I would have found out in short order because immediately after de-planing, it seemed everyone on the flight pulled out their Blackberry-equivalents to check the election returns. That’s how I learned about the gay marriage ban in California. While it will likely end up in the courts, we may be on the right path. Those of you who know your history will recall that three years before Lincoln became president, the Supreme Court specifically legalized slavery and stated categorically that slaves and their descendants were not, nor would ever be, citizens. This decision (the Dred Scott Decision) was made when slaves began demanding freedom, and helped lead the way to abolition. Of course, it also contributed to starting the Civil War. You take the good, you take the bad…
As California was de-legalizing gay marriage, Washington state legalized medically-assisted suicide. The patient must be at least 18 years of age, mentally competent, and a Washington resident (it’s already legal in Oregon). They must also request the medication out loud twice (15 days apart), file a written request which must be witnessed by two people, and have a doctor certify that the patient has less than six months to live. If doing that doesn’t kill you, you’ll then get permission to commit suicide. Of course, by the time you finish all that, you’d probably be dead anyway!
Since I’m in London seeing oodles of theater (which is logical since I’m apparently a big Broadway gossip columnist – at least that what they call me on Page Six and “The View”), I feel obligated to open with a theater item. Jane Fonda is headed back to the Great White Way for the first time in 48 years. She will participate in Moises Kaufman’s “33 Variations,” which investigates Beethoven’s fascination with an inconsequential waltz – played by an onstage pianist (a role I’d be perfect for).
Sarah Silverman turned on up Jimmy Kimmel’s show last week and he tormented her with footage of her on a TV talent show. As it happens, your very own Billy Masters was featured on the same show – “Community Auditions,” hosted by the great Dave Maynard. I began my performing life as a pianist, and Sarah was featured in a local production of “Annie” – oh, how times have changed. Sarah was on in 1985, so we probably just missed each other. I was a very young teen who caused the show to do its first re-take in history. And yet, I still lost to some guitar-pickin’ fool named Bobby Dick (but I’m not bitter)! I’m gonna have to dig up that footage for you to watch on http://www.BillyMasters.com (it probably won’t turn up on the web until mid-week).
In the history of this column, one of the most popular items concerned Johnny Galecki’s turn in “The Little Dog Laughed” in NYC. It wasn’t so much the play (which was quite good) or his performance (which was quite good). It was the size of his penis – which was quite good. Of course, people who go to http://www.BillyMasters.com can see stills and videos of said penis. But those of us in Los Angeles are going to get the opportunity to see it in the flesh. Galecki and his original co-star, Tony-winner Julie White, will recreate their roles when the play bows at the Kirk Douglas Theatre on Nov. 16. Grab your tickets now at http://www.CenterTheatreGroup.org.
Because of my newfound integrity and positive attitude (listen to my podcast with Sherri Shepherd on http://www.BillyMasters.com to get caught up), I have to send MAJOR kudos to Lance Bass. Sure, he’s been doing a great job on “Dancing with the Stars,” but did you see when he opened his shirt last week? Girlfriend got ABS! Brava.
As I was leaving L.A., I got word from Yma Sumac’s assistant that she would likely not make it through the week. The Peruvian songbird died peacefully on Nov. 1. She was a great lady with a dry sense of humor who never took herself too seriously. I adored her and cherish the moments we shared. I’ll run a photo of us with her dangerously low decolletage on my website.
Michael Phelps appears to be at a career crossroads. In addition to planning to compete in the 2012 Olympics, he’s got a number of professional offers. He turns up on that AT&T commercial. He’s in talks with Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore about having his own reality show. And, just recently he was paid $100K to swim a few laps at a private pool party a studio honcho’s wife threw at her L.A. abode. Maybe she got to stuff the money in his Speedo!
Speaking of hot and naked athletes, Andy Roddick has reneged on his offer to teach a one-hour tennis lesson in the nude. Someone paid $11,200 for this privilege at an Elton John charity event, but Roddick has had second thoughts. “First and foremost, I am not going to be playing naked tennis. It was said in jest and the lady who bid was really cool afterwards.” That was no lady – that was Miss Elton, in his best Martina ensemble.
Last night, I turned on the telly (as they call it here in London) to “The Paul O’Grady Show” and saw Kim Cattrall confirm that there WILL be another “Sex And The City” flick. “Yes, there will be a sequel. We will do the sequel next summer.” Someone better tell Sarah Jessica, ’cause she still says there’s no script.
Our latest “Bachelorette” is once again single. Although she cried about how cruel Brad Womack was when he dumped her on “The Bachelor,” DeAnna Pappas seems to have no problem with turnaround. After breaking the heart of Jason (who will be the next “Bachelor”) and Jeremy (who was that creepy stalker guy with the hot body), she settled on Jesse Csincsak – perhaps because she has a thing for guys whose names begin with the letter “J.” However, Jesse tearfully announced in a video that “she wasn’t willing to try anymore. She wanted something different, I guess.” Or maybe she just wanted a better last name than Csincsak.
Wouldn’t it be funny if DeAnna went on the next “Bachelor” to try and win back Jason? And wouldn’t it be an absolute hoot to watch her get dumped….again?
Danny Bonaduce’s divorce from estranged wife Gretchen is final, with the judge ordering the former child star to pay over $16,000 a month in combined spousal and child support – proving, once again, that Danny Bonaduce ALWAYS pays for sex…sooner or later.
Could it be that a certain sophisticated lady is sicker than she’s letting on? So say people in the know who tell me that although she’s been receiving treatment for one illness, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Her malady is of a more everlasting nature. While it’s not genetic, she would not be the first person in her family to have it. The songbird is fighting with everything she’s got, and plans to go public with her condition any day now.
When I’m complimenting a shirtless Lance Bass, it’s definitely time to end another column. No time for an “Ask Billy” question this week. I’ll make up for it next week – promise. Big changes underway for our Web site, http://www.BillyMasters.com, so keep checking in. And if you have a question that simply needs answering, drop a note to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before Galecki takes over Roddick’s coaching session! So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.