Billy Masters
"I think it's pretty obvious who I'm seeing. I think it's no shock to anyone that it's been going on for quite some time. She's a wonderful person and I love her very much." – Lindsay Lohan FINALLY admits her relationship with an un-named Samantha Ronson in "Harpers Bazaar." However, she still eschews the term "lesbian" – she's OK with "bisexual." Then again, anyone who calls Obama "colored" isn't all that good with labels.
On the plane back from London, a headline on MSN caught my eye: "Britain faces sperm shortage." Funny, but I didn't notice – there was certainly enough in my hotel room! Come to think of it, maybe that's what caused the shortage. Oops. Sorry. Aside from that, the trip was a raging success, save for when the security at Heaven Nightclub actually thought I was a local hooligan. After that was sorted out, I was home free.
Something interesting happened on my American Airlines flight. They showed an episode of "The New Adventures of Old Christine." In case you don't know, airlines censor certain words out that might be questionable for kiddies – like "sex," "orgasm," etc. At one point, Julia Louis-Dreyfus's character is asked if Wanda Sykes' character is her friend. Julia's response is "She's not my friend. She's my wife" – because the characters had a gay marriage to keep Wanda in this country. Well, AA cut out the word "wife" – as if one woman calling another woman her wife was a bad thing! Now, you know I ain't no militant, but don't you go messing with "Old Christine"!
I can take on the airlines because I know they're gunning for me. Some carriers are experimenting with wireless Internet service. I learned that they will be installing filters to ban all porn and adult Web sites – which is bad because I think Manhunt was gonna start adding flight numbers to their location choices. I learned that our old Filth2Go Web site was on the shit list. Let's see how long it takes for them to ban http://www.BillyMasters.com.
Cute balding Prince William tried to help a female fan at a charity event. Little 18-year-old Jasmine Edwards was about to introduce William at a fundraiser for the homeless and confessed to him "I have a stammer." William took her aside and gave her a tip to combat her stammer – "Think of me naked." Well, that didn't help at all!
David Cassidy issued a statement saying he's flattered by comparisons to Zac Efron. "In the States, they have been comparing me to Zac for a while now." Who is making these comparisons? Who???? I want names, and I want 'em now!
Just as I was leaving Heathrow Airport, Jesse Metcalfe (remember him?) was arriving – in a wheelchair. Apparently the former actor was at the World Music Awards in Monaco when he fell 40 feet from a balcony! Paramedics found him unconscious and immediately whisked him to London for medical treatment. Why London? Duh – he probably doesn't have insurance.
I'm beginning to think I'm cursed. Celia Cruz was my first on-camera celebrity interview. Dead. Around the same time, I became close to three other legendary ladies – Miriam Makeba, Eartha Kitt and Yma Suma. Yma passed away two weeks ago. And last week, my beloved Makeba died after a concert in Rome. I remember her as one of the gentlest of people – a dear, sweet, unassuming person. On the opposite side of the spectrum, someone better be keeping an eye on Eartha (do you hear me, Kitt?).
Do you know Superman's gay porn connection? Our latest "Man of Steel," Brandon Routh, is featured in "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" as boyfriend to a gay porn star, played by Justin Long (I'm guessing it has something to do with the eyebrows). While there's no sex scene between them, there is a kiss. Apparently, Justin was sick the day they shot the kiss and Brandon caught his virus. Gotta stay away from those Macs.
I know someone out there is gonna send me an e-mail saying, "Billy, why are you always picking on Reichen?" I swear to you, I stick with the facts Those rumors about small farm animals, I've kept to myself all these months. But I have to say, when I was told of Ricky's latest venture, it shocked even moi. Since his ad on Craigslist for "private sessions," he's taken the next logical step – he's started a Web site where you can pay money (and, honey, it's A LOT of money) to watch him walk around his house on a webcam. I'm embarrassed to tell you the address because it sounds like I'm condoning some hooker's Web site. Rather than promote it in print, go to http://www.BillyMasters.com and we'll link to it. After that, you're on your own. Now, I'm not implying he's naked on the webcam. I'm certainly not implying that on-again/off-again boyfriend/trainer/towelboy Ryan Barry will be there. But I'm saying for the amount of money he's charging, you should get to see something more compelling than a scene from "Dante's Cove"!
Speaking of questionable video footage, Colin Farrell believes his judgment was impaired when he shot that sex tape with Playboy model Nicole Narain. "I think I was high. It seemed like a good idea at the time." He fought quite hard to have the footage pulled by most Web sites (including ours, although…). He now says he wasn't embarrassed about the tape (and trust me, unlike Reichen, he has nothing to be embarrassed of – as you'll see on http://www.BillyMasters.com.) He was more concerned that his mom could stumble onto it. "God forbid, she'd tell me something like, 'Oh you remind me of your father at certain angles.'" If I were him, I'd be more embarrassed for when he intoned, "What a pretty pussy," and focused on the cat!
Jon Voight has a dream of making a film with his children Jamie and Angie. I have a dream of sleeping with Brad Pitt. Let's see which of our dreams comes true first!
Lucy Lawless is gung-ho to slip back into Xena's leather ensemble. "It'll have to happen fairly soon. If it takes much longer, they'll cast some 29 year old in the role and ask me to play the mother. I'd tell them to go to hell, or worse – I'd do it!" Atta girl, Lucy. Take what you can get…
Beyonce wants to be the first black "Wonder Woman." "I want to do a superhero movie and what would be better than 'Wonder Woman'? It would be great. And it would be a very bold choice. A black Wonder Woman would be a powerful thing. It's time for that, right?" Well, that would be up to the DC Comics people who own the rights to the character and Warner Brothers, who are producing the film. In her favor, there's a precedent that limited acting ability is not a problem.
We have time for a very quick "Ask Billy" question. Well, it's more a gift. Paul in Fort Worth writes: "I flew to New York to see Daniel Radcliffe in 'Equus' and got a very clear video from the third row. It's crystal clear, you'd swear it was in HD. I wanted to make sure you got it because the best videos are on http://www.BillyMasters.com."
Thanks Paul. I have to say – you took some remarkably clear footage indeed. I think the fans will be QUITE impressed.
When we have more naked footage of Harry Potter than of ourselves (and we didn't pay buy the hour for it), it's definitely time to end another column. For the best in celebrity gossip, do check out http://www.BillyMasters.com. Since we've got some expanding on the horizon, we're on the lookout for folks obsessed with showbiz gossip. If you're interested in joining our team, send a note to me at [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before Beyonce gets cast as the first black "Xena"! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
