So, was Obama's inauguration the gayest inauguration in the history of America? Did the queers come out in droves and flood Washington D.C.'s finest hotels and restaurants with their "decadent lifestyles?" Did gay Episcopal Wizard Gene Robinson wave his fairy wand and turn everyone at the Lincoln Monument into a flaming homosexual? Was the gay marching band in the parade really just Dykes on Bikes wielding a bunch of clarinets? Did Obama himself ride down the street on a float made up to look like a giant rainbow flag while flanked by gyrating banana hammock-clad go-go boys?
Because that – and God only knows what else – is what conservatives were expecting, and it would be such a shame to let them down. Besides, if gays don't actually do all of the wild and crazy things conservatives claim that gays do, then these wild and crazy things are just, well, fantasies conservatives have. And what would that say about them?
That they have wild imaginations, of course.
A Jan. 14 Fox News story reported that "a slew of gay parties and inaugural balls will be held in the nation's capital before and after Obama takes the oath of office."
Yes, that's right. A slew. And conservatives are freaking out at the very thought of it.
Because "it" (gayness anywhere) shouldn't be happening. I mean, have some respect, homos.
"I think (the) inauguration should be kept away from that. Christians may love the individual, but they are offended by the gay lifestyle. It's unhealthy – spiritually, emotionally and physically," said Jennifer Giroux, founder and president of Women Influencing the Nation. "It's not a day where a group that feels like it has some payback coming should be putting its decadent lifestyle on display."
You hear that, gays? Just because the last eight years have been an anti-gay conservative's wet dream (and yes, they do have them. I read it on Wikipedia) and a guy who doesn't openly hate your asses and might even like you has been elected doesn't give you any cause to celebrate. Out of the streets and back into the closets, you!
Or into the hotels.
According to Fox, Peter LaBarbera, president of Americans For Truth About Homosexuality "is worried less about what happens in public and more about what may go on behind closed doors."
Of course he is. Because behind the closed doors in the gay thick of it is exactly where a guy as obsessed with homosexuality as LaBarbera wants to be.
"I think most Americans would be put off if they knew what went on at these parties," LaBarbera said. "Every special interest group has a ball of some sort, but this is not just any special interest group. More than half the country considers their behavior immoral."
LaBarbera is especially excited about the Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend, held Jan. 19.
"They keep their hotel location top-secret because they don't want conservatives to find out. But we know it, and we're going to try to get it stopped," he lamented to Fox. "This is the most vile event, and it's being held at a swanky hotel where conferences regularly occur. Groups coming in after MAL won't know what went on there before they got there."
True, they won't. Thank you, housekeeping. If only the same could be said for the mess left behind by the Bush Administration. There isn't enough Febreze in the world to get that stink off of this nation. I wish Obama the best of luck.
