by Jim Larkin
FLINT –
John Nemecek never had a problem displaying his athletic prowess. It was when he decided to become true to himself and become Julie Nemecek that the difficulties began.The pain. The suffering. The very public lawsuit. And, finally, hope and love.That amazing transformation will be detailed at the 2-4:30 p.m. March 8 meeting of Genesee County PFLAG at the Unitarian Universalist Church, 2474 S. Ballenger Highway in Flint.Nemecek's inner world came tumbling to the forefront in November of 2003 while going online and discovering there was a life available for transgender persons. It led to an immediate, very frank discussion with his wife, Joanne."The next six weeks there were a lot of tears, a lot of hugs," Julie, 57, recalls. "She (Joanne) said at the end of that six weeks that 'I love the person, not the package.' And we're more in love now than we've ever been."But it was when she told her employer of 16 years, Spring Arbor University, that she identified as a woman and intended to live her life that way, that her story became very public. Spring Arbor reacted by removing her as assistant dean of adult studies in 2006, slashing her salary by 20 percent, and threatening to fire her. Nemecek responded by filing a discrimination complaint that was eventually settled in March 2007.Between that time, Nemecek shared her story with the Associated Press, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, U.S. News and World Report and others. It's a story rooted in girl time play, forced masculinity and eventual freedom."My earliest childhood memories were being a girl," Nemecek says. "I played with girls, all my friends were girls. That's who I associated with."But when the verbal abuse began as a result, she didn't have difficulty shifting into masculinity to survive her school years. The 6-foot tall Nemecek was an All-City basketball player in the city of Chicago and also ran cross country and track."I was able to do it well because I was very athletic," Nemecek says.The disconnect, however, eventually became too much to bear."I am a transgender person and always have been," Nemecek said in the opening statement of her discrimination complaint against Spring Arbor University. "Presenting otherwise is, to me, cross-dressing, which requires significant emotional and physical energy. After I began to understand my diagnosis, I lost the emotional and physical energy to keep living a lie."
She notes that the legal battle with SAU resulted in "some of the most difficult days of my life" and caused a severe depression that included many long stretches of persistent suicidal thoughts.
"Primarily because of societal ignorance and abuse, people with my diagnosis are 20-25 times more likely to commit suicide than the general population," Nemecek said in her statement. "I almost became one of that number. I believe that it is only by the grace of God, the power of prayer, and a loving and compassionate Christian doctor that I am here today."
But out of those depressing times has sprung a new life with new meaning for the Nemeceks. Julie, who says she will eventually have gender reassignment surgery, is now co-director of Michigan Equality while Joanne, a surgical nurse, is going back to school to become a social worker so she came help others with transgender issues.
Together, the Spring Arbor couple speaks to high schools, universities and at other forums. Their goal is simple.
"To achieve a greater understanding and, hopefully, acceptance," Julie said. "I'm very open and try to challenge the students.
"Hate in the abstract is very easy, but when you put a face on it, it becomes a lot more difficult to do."
About PFLAG:
PFLAG Genesee County meets the second Sunday of the month from 2-4:30 p.m. at the Unitarian Universalist Church. Its monthly meetings consist of support groups, fellowship time and a topic/discussion program. For more information, contact [email protected].
