Was I just her lab rat?
Q: I recently broke up with a woman, “Meg”; we dated for six months. It was a
whirlwind kind of romance. We were with each other 24/7 and did everything imaginable together. I was her first lesbian love. Meg had lived a hetero life up until we started dating and had just broken up with her boyfriend. She said she always dreamed of loving a woman but had been afraid to try it up until now. I thought everything was going great, that is until her old boyfriend came back into the picture.
All of a sudden she only wants to be friends with me. She says she has decided she isn’t really gay. I am trying this “friends” thing in hopes that she will change her mind and come back to me. I love her and miss her terribly. I usually call her once or twice a week to see how she is doing. We go out to a movie or some place about once a week or so. The other day she dropped a bomb: She and her boyfriend were getting back together. She is planning to move in with him. This is a huge mistake. I don’t think she loves him, and he isn’t very nice to her.
How should I tell her what I think so that she doesn’t think that my opinion is just self-serving? I am hoping that with time she will realize she really loves me and come back.
In the Wings
A: First of all, it sounds like your relationship with Meg was an experiment for her. It’s not uncommon for a “het” woman to fantasize about how it would be to be in a relationship with a woman; how a woman partner would be a better listener, kinder, a better lover, etc. But if a woman finds that she is really only attracted to the opposite sex, all those fantasies don’t matter. Also, you said she had just broken up with her boyfriend. Without having time for her to heal from or truly know that’s she’s finished with a relationship, it is unlikely she can be successful in a new relationship of any kind.
It’s not a good idea for you to tell her that she is with the wrong person. It will sound self-serving; you can’t avoid that. And it’s is a no-win situation, anyway. If you are correct that she is with the wrong person, she will resent you and be embarrassed because you were right; and if you are wrong, she will be mad and possibly think that you were hoping it wouldn’t work out so she would come back to you. It’s time for you to move on and find someone who knows for sure her sexual orientation, and not be another woman’s experiment.
What a funny penis you have
Q: I have a friend, “Bill,” that I like and respect a lot. He and I have known each other for years. I have always been somewhat attracted to him but never acted on it because either Bill or I was involved with someone else. Well, the other night we did attempt to get it on and it ended in disaster; in fact, I think I may have ruined our relationship all together. He won’t talk to me, and I think he is embarrassed to be around me.
The problem is that when I saw his penis, I started laughing. It is so funny looking because it was bent and small. I couldn’t help myself and laughed. Well, he got up, got dressed and asked me to leave. I tried to console him, but he just said he wanted me out of there. Since then, he won’t return my e-mails, phone calls and he hasn’t been at any of the places we usually see each other. How do I get his friendship back? I am sure I could never be sexual with him because I find his tool bizarre, not a turn on.
Can’t Go There
A: I don’t know if you will be able to get his friendship back. I’m sure that he is embarrassed and undoubtedly angry. The most you can do right now is to apologize and let him know you value his friendship. He may or may not decide to accept you as his friend again.