Q: I was so excited because it's shorts-and-sandals weather. You might think this is a stupid problem but for me it is real. The problem is that my new girlfriend doesn't like to see me in shorts; she thinks I look better in my jeans. I found this out by overhearing her talk to a friend of hers on the phone. The other day I came home from work and walked in while they were talking, and my girlfriend was laughing and making fun of my "chicken legs." I was so shocked that I just stopped and continued listening. Then she told her friend that she wished I wouldn't wear shorts and would stick to jeans because she thinks I look "so much better." She has never said anything to me about the way I dress. I thought she liked the way I looked. I am devastated and hurt by her comments but don't know what to say because I don't want her to think I just go around listening to her conversations. This whole thing has made me wonder what else she says about me behind my back. I used to think I looked cute in my summer outfits, but now I wonder if maybe I should just stop wearing shorts. What do you think I should do? Should I just try to forget the whole thing?
Shorts or Jeans?
A: I don't think you would be able to just forget the whole thing since it has bothered you so much that you decided to write to me. Having your girlfriend laugh about your looks to a friend of hers is not being respectful of you. Even if you hadn't heard what she said, it is not OK to do this to a person you are in relationship with. I certainly don't think you should change the way you dress based on her comment, but I do think you should talk to her about what you heard and how it has affected you. Don't be embarrassed about overhearing her. You just walked in; you didn't intentionally spy on her. She is the one that needs to be embarrassed about her behavior.
Keeping it a secret from my sisters
Q:
Do you think it is OK for me to tell my sisters, who are 8 and 10, that I am gay? My parents have told me that I'm not to tell them. They say that they are not old enough to understand or even know what it means. I want to tell them so they understand who I am.
I'm in high school and live at home. So far I haven't brought any of my girlfriends home to visit, but there is a special person in my life right now, and I think I want to spend more time with her. I would like to introduce her to my family and let them get to know her. But if I'm not able to talk about being gay, I don't see how this will work. My parents have been pretty good about accepting who I am, but they don't seem to understand that they are not being fair to me by expecting me to keep this information from my sisters. What do you think, should I tell the sibs or not?
Queer and Proud
A: You didn't say whether or not you have talked to your parents about what you want to tell your sisters, and why it is important for you to tell them. If not, this is where you should start. Set a special time to have a sit-down talk with them. It is essential for you to listen to why they don't want you to tell your sisters so that you understand their concerns in order to effectively address them. (Your words will be more effective if you speak to your parents in a respectful and calm manner.) From this discussion, hopefully, you will be able to come up with a way to deal with this that feels OK to both you and your parents. You might even want to suggest to your parents that you all go to a PFLAG meeting so they can talk to other parents and find out how they have handled this sort of situation. Good luck, and let me know how it goes.
