Q:
My cousin sends me all these e-mails that have to do with religion; her religion, I might add. She thinks, somehow, that I want this e-mail crap, even though she believes that I'm a sinner because I'm gay. It always is about people who have lived a sinful life and have come around to her kind of god and are saved. I've never been close to this cousin – or any cousin for that matter – so I don't know why she bothers with me or even how she found out that I am gay. I do know that her whole family is very religious, but that, in my mind, doesn't give her a right to preach her beliefs to me. Anyway, I have gotten sick of all her religious crap! (Earlier, I had accepted her on Facebook, then blocked her because of all the religious shit she put out there.)
So, I sent her an e-mail to tell her that her e-mails, of that sort, were not welcome. Further, I let her know that her beliefs were hers and not mine. She e-mailed me back and included, in the address line, my mother, my two sisters and brother's e-mail addresses. In other words, she wanted them to know that I have "rejected" her invite to her god – I guess theirs as well since she feels free to include them. She went on and on about how I should be reading what she has to send since I'm a sinner and need to be saved. She attached several websites for me to go to. (I have not gone to them as I can imagine what they are all about.)
My sibs have said little to me about my sexuality, but I don't see or talk to them much, so I'm not sure. None of them have tried to communicate to me about being gay. My parents know I'm gay, but haven't bothered me about it. They accept me in their home, but I've never brought anyone home. (We are a family where communication is about as frequent as rain storms in the desert.)
I've talked to my friends about this and most of them think that I should email her back, again, and tell her to go to Hell. I haven't done this because I think that would just start an e-mail war, and I don't want to participate in that.
Since my e-mail, I haven't heard anything from anybody in my family. It's like this great silence which, as I said, is sort of normal. But given this topic, you'd think something would show up in my inbox, like agreement with my cousin, anger at me, support for me, or something. I guess it's making me kind of crazy not hearing from anyone at all. Not one word.
I just wish I knew what was in everyone's head about all this.
What do you think I should do?
Flummoxed
A: I agree with you about not starting an e-mail war with your cousin; s/he would get off on fighting for her god, and you'd be in a battle that would not be good for your mental health. If you really need to know what your family is thinking, you are going to have to ask each person in an individual e-mail or in person. You are not going to change your family's lack of communication pattern.
If your family is not feeling a need to address you about your sexuality and have been OK with you, you might just want to let your sleeping family lie, and assume the best from them. Until, that is, something comes up where you need more from them, like bringing home a partner or visiting a sib.
P.S. As far as your cousin is concerned, I suggest that you block her/his e-mails like you did on Facebook.
