by C. Imani Williams
Happy June! I greet you in peace and love and the sassy sweetness of sun-filled days and nights that encourage creativity and love.
I am a June 1 baby so summer is always extra-special. I embrace age 46 with love in my heart and a renewed passion for life. I enter this new year of life celibate with a promise to God to do something totally new. I'm sitting still for the first time. Ever.
Celibacy for someone who has never entertained the notion is kind of a surreal out of body experience an "Am I really doing this?" type of thing. Yes, I am, and it feels right – and right on time. I'm giddy; I pass a mirror and I say to myself, "Wow, you are beautiful and S.E.X.I.E.!" I'm growing in ways I've haven't allowed myself to feel in a very long time, if ever. It is nothing but God moving in my life and in me.
I finally know why I am here, as in here on earth at this time. The recognition is beautiful, the dots have all connected. The pieces fit and I'm filled with a joy I have never known.
In all the solitude of a graduate writing program, soul searching and sitting still after being knocked down and stripped bare, I get it. I've always known I was different, and couldn't figure out the complexities of my Gemini existence. What am I to leave here knowing and having done?
A bit of Imani herstory: When I married at 21, I was too young and didn't know myself. When I married at 32, I knew myself better but was scared of what I saw. I tried hiding behind the mask of conformity. At 42, I married a woman whom I love dearly.
As I enter this new year of life, I'm single, soulful and content to slow it down to a crawl to learn me from the inside out.
Being totally present is hard work. Not hiding behind food, sex, substance or any of my other usual fixes while sitting and listening for God's instruction is hard; so much so that I sometimes cry out in frustration.
In preparation of my purpose, I've honed a bag of trades, skills and potions that blend together well. Out of that mix, S.E.X.I.E.! is born.
Reshounn Foster (Detroit), Natasha Smith (LA) and I present: Sexual. Empowerment. Xploration. Ignites. Energy! It's a Detroit/LA community-based initiative to increase awareness and empower women in the same-gender-loving community and communities of color through performance arts-based education and S.E.X.I.E.! rap sessions. You can be SGL, straight, or a dolphin – as long as you want to be empowered around sexuality issues, you are S.E.X.I.E.!
S.E.X.I.E.! is open to everyone, but seeks to engage persons of African descent in conversations around sexuality issues stemming from and affecting us from slavery. It isn't pleasant. Rape, abuse, murder and incest are all forms of violence that we have to heal from. We carry the blood of those who took the lashes and swung from trees. Unpleasant, I know, but until we have this dialogue, we can't begin to heal.
Family secrets become generational and cyclical in nature. Families maintain at different levels of success and dysfunction – sometimes simultaneously, but never in total peace. It can stop; we can love and heal and know that the pain of the past does not rule our today or tomorrow.
I know this, just as the S.E.X.I.E.! vision was seen and felt by those who believe in a better tomorrow and affirm that we have to do things differently. The world is changing and old ways have grown tired. We need new energy to address the social issues of today.
You and your guy or girl have a story or a question which stems from our shared history. I'm convinced that we would all make better choices if we knew who we really are. Think about it.
S.E.X.I.E.! has allowed me to see and believe more deeply in my passion, and I've learned my purpose. God is amazing, and he does things in his time, not mine or ours. I'm gaining clarity and insight and it's really kind of mind-blowing. I'm smiling. No rush to partnership, commitment or anything else but loving the God in me and you.
Look for a S.E.X.I.E.! event coming your way this summer. Join us on Facebook for timely and lively discussions.
