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Dear Jody: Confused - and teased

Q:
I am 19 years old and queer – or maybe "questioning." Mostly I think that I love women, but every so often a sexy guy comes into the picture and I feel turned on. I've tried not to feel this way but I can't seem to help myself. When I tell my college roommate and our friends that this is the way I feel, they all just laugh, saying that they think I am a wannabe queer.
It seems that I am just a big joke to everyone. They don't understand that I really am confused. All of them know who they are and don't have any doubts about their sexuality. I don't tell them that they are insulting me by their laughter (at the time I laugh along with them), but sometimes I go home and cry because no one seems to understand or have the same problem that I do. I know I should just ignore them or not tell them what is going on with me, but I am a person that shares who I am and my feelings, so it just doesn't work to be quiet about it. I've tried to keep it all to myself but eventually the whole thing just starts blurting out of me and pretty soon I've told it all.
I guess my question to you is: How do I get my friends to be more sensitive to my needs, instead of making fun of me?
No Joke

A: You laugh along with your friends when they make fun of you, so how would they know that their reaction is upsetting to you? I would guess that they think that you agree that the confusion around your sexuality is funny, and it is OK to makes jokes about it.
Start making changes by not laughing when something is hurtful or upsetting to you; you don't get your needs met that way. Next, tell one or two friends, whom you trust, that this is upsetting to you. Let them know that you need their support when the topic comes up again with the group. Then, when you are in the group situation, let them know that your sexual orientation dilemma is painful to you. (Don't be angry with them about their past laughter; you encouraged it by laughing along, so how were they supposed to know?).
In the future, I suggest that you discuss this issue only with those that are respectful, good listeners and understanding. Generally, it is not a good idea to tell everyone everything you are thinking and feeling. Some folks just aren't trustworthy.
Most colleges have an LGBT student organization. One of their many functions is to support individuals who wish to explore their sexual orientation or gender identity. You might want to get involved with a group like this so you can talk to people who are open and affirming in your search for your identity.

Cancer scare

Q: I have a small lump on my chest, near my nipple. I noticed it about two months ago and it doesn't seem like it has grown any. I am 21, a male and I am afraid to go to the doctor, but I know I should go. I am afraid it might be cancer and I am also embarrassed that I have a lump on my chest; that seems like a female thing. I am also afraid if they do surgery I will be disfigured. So those are all the reasons I don't go. How do I make myself go see the doctor? Every time I try to call, I just can't do it.
Scared

A: I understand your fears, but you need to go to the doctor as soon as possible. Tell a friend, whom you trust, what is going on with you. Ask the friend to make the appointment for you, as well as go with you to the appointment. Have your friend go into the appointment with you to take notes because it's easy to forget what the doctor says when you are upset. Be sure to let the doctor know your fears and concerns so he/she can address them.
Good luck, and let me know how you are doing. I care.

Note from Jody: I'd love to hear from you. Visit Facebook/Dear Jody Valley; see what's happening, and checkout "discussion" groups. Would like to know what you are thinking.

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