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Dear Jody: Move on already!

Q:
I've been invited, along with my boyfriend "Jon," to a Halloween party. It's at the same guy's place where we went last year at Halloween. I had a great time last year, but Jon didn't like it. He says that these parties are just an excuse to have sex with someone else other than your boyfriend, which is, regrettably, what happened to him last year – meaning, I was the one who had sex – with "Batman." Believe me, I didn't plan on having sex, it just happened because I had too much to drink and Batman began looking better and better – people kept refilling my beer glass. I know that we (Jon and I) have a monogamous agreement, but I was bombed. What else can I say? I'm not a big drinker so it didn't take much to put me under the table – with Batman – yeah, that's where it happened. At the time, I thought the table covering, which extended down to the floor, would keep eyes off us, but we got a little wild and the table went over for all to see. So not only did Jon see us, but everyone got a show.
Jon said that he was humiliated as well as angry, but I was certainly not the only one finding bedrooms, corners, closets, whatever, to get it on. It's just that Batman and I were exposed – and became the floor show of the party.
OK, that was a year ago and you'd think that Jon would get over it. Hanging on to anger is not good for anyone, right? We didn't talk about it at the time; Jon gave me the silent treatment for a month, and then he got over it – at least I thought he had. I have been a pretty good boy ever since. We've been to several parties and nothing has happened.
But now, I guess Halloween is something I'm supposed to give up this year and not have any fun. I promised Jon that nothing would happen, again. But he said that he wasn't "in the mood" for it. Well, I am, and if I can forget it and go on with my life, shouldn't he?
Not Looking for Batman

A: I really wonder about your emotional IQ; you have the emotional maturity of a 15-year-old. I'm surprised that Jon is still with you – not so much for what you did, but because you take no responsibility for what you do. You seem to think life just happens to you, and that you have no control over your reactions or behaviors: it's like you're just swept along in the wind, like a leaf. You don't even seem to be sorry for what happened last Halloween, or how you hurt Jon.
Your promises aside, there is nothing you have said that would assure me that you wouldn't cheat on Jon, given the right circumstances – since you are ruled more by events than by your own resolve to act in a certain way when events occur.
You also seem to be suffering from a sensitivity deficit. I heard nothing from your e-mail that you care about Jon's feelings; you appear to be only focused on what you want in life.
Frankly, if Jon were writing to me, I'd be advising him to get into therapy, find his self-respect, and get away from you as soon as possible.

Note: In my response to the writer in this column, I talk about Emotional Intelligence. Arguably, success in life may well be more a function of our Emotional Intelligence than the kinds of "intelligence factors" that are measured on standardized IQ tests. If you want to learn more about Emotional IQ, and take a quick test, visit "Dear Jody Valley" on Facebook and click on the link.

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