I have a problem and I can’t discuss it with any of my friends because I think I would just become a big joke. I’m embarrassed by it, and it would be even worse if my friends made fun of me. So here goes: the problem is that I have orgasms when I am sleeping. Now I know that is not uncommon, but apparently I make a lot of noise and roll around and make a fool of myself.
I have always had these vivid dreams that I am with a beautiful woman, we have fantastic sex, and I end up having an orgasm. By vivid, I mean that it’s just, like, I have this incredible woman, doing everything right and at exactly the right time. I’ve always enjoyed these dreams a great deal; I have dreams like that a couple of times a month, sometimes more.
I assumed that no one would know about my dreams and have never discussed my dreams with anyone. In fact, I thought everyone had dreams like this and they just didn’t talk about it. Apparently that’s not true.
About three weeks ago I stayed overnight with a friend, “Lisa.” The next morning she informed me that I must have really gotten it on with someone. When I asked her how she knew, she said I was moaning and groaning and talking dirty in my sleep. She was finding this all very amusing. According to Lisa, I was masturbating as well. She went on and on about it, finding the whole scene hysterical. She said she could hardly wait to tell everyone about my nighttime love life. After much pleading and lots of tears, I finally convinced her not to tell anyone. I have been trying to stop having these dreams, but it is still happening. I wake up after having an orgasm and I am embarrassed. I don’t want to be around anyone now when I do sleep. What if it happened again?!
Usually I don’t stay the whole night with women that I am intimate with, just because I would rather go home and sleep by myself. Even if I have a woman at my place, I want them to go home so I can sleep alone. This has been working up until now; but I realize if I get in a long-term relationship with someone, I will spend the night with them, and we may even move in together. I have been looking for that special someone for a long time. I don’t want to jeopardize a possible lifelong love with my crazy dreams.
How do I stop dreaming these kinds of dreams so I don’t have to worry about making a fool of myself?
A: First, I’m not sure I would trust Lisa in her reporting on your “behavior” when you are sleeping. Did she exaggerate what she heard or saw to make it funnier? Even if she didn’t, you can’t help what you dream or your “behavior when you are in them.” From what you told me, she didn’t seem particularly sensitive to your discomfort; in fact, you were in tears by the time she agreed not to tell anyone. Hopefully, you don’t have many other friends like her.
Most people have sexual dreams, some end in orgasm and some don’t – there’s nothing abnormal about them. We dream about things going on in our unconscious mind and in our daily life. My advice to you is to try to go back to the way you felt before Lisa, and enjoy your dreams. When you find the right person, she should be happy – at least nonjudgmental – about the pleasure you derive from your sexual dreams. Don’t assume that because Lisa made fun of you, others will have the same reaction. Most people would be envious.
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