By Jody Valley
Q: I happen to be very successful in business and have made a lot of money. I have a large house, several cars, and I love to travel. I mostly go on gay cruises, or to gay resorts in exotic places. I have everything going for me but I can’t seem to get a date, or when I do, it never lasts more than two dates.
I think my problem is that I am a “little person.” Because of my stature, I have had to work harder than everyone else for everything I have accomplished in life. I haven’t really had much time for dating until recently, because I have been so busy making money and establishing myself in the world of business. My parents always told me to never let anything stop me, and that I could do and be anything I wanted if I just tried hard enough. But now I believe the dating thing is stopping me from having the life I envisioned.
I often meet the men I date at bars; that seems to be the best place to meet young, good-looking men. The big reason that I go to bars is that I want the guys I ask out to know, ahead of time, that I am a “little person.” Also, I am not attracted to guys that are just OK looking; I like young men who are well-built and handsome, so it is important for me to look them over and size them up before spending my time and money on them. I don’t care if they have money, an education, or are successful – if I found the right guy I would support him; he would never need to work.
Last night I had a date with a handsome 23-year-old guy. Believe me, he was quite a hunk. I took him to one of the finest restaurants in this area, and then we went to a bar and hung out for the evening. I was quite proud to have him on my arm, and let people know that I was successful on the dating scene. However, when it was time to end the evening, he made a lame excuse, saying he couldn’t go home with me. He said he had to be at work early and needed to go. I was angry with him and let him know it. I ended up having my chauffer drop him off at his place.
I am indignant that he would think it was OK to let me spend a great deal of money on him, and he could just go home and not give anything back. I’m sure he knew what I expected when I asked him out.
Jody, how do I go about finding a man to share my life with me, and who will accept me for who I am and want to be with me? Finding this person seems like a crucial next step in my life and I’m not sure how to accomplish it.
A: It’s hard to know where to start: You say you want to share your life with a man who will accept you for who you are, but you’re only taking into consideration your stature, thinking that is your major problem. I’m sure being a little person is a problem, and probably does eliminate some guys that might not be attracted to you – just like looking “OK” narrows down the guys that you are willing to consider.
But from what you’ve said, I don’t believe your stature is your biggest problem. Your problem lies in what you’re seeking, what you’re wanting, and what you expect: a trophy man to hang on your arm (who may or may not offer sex to you). If that’s truly what you want, then don’t get bent out of shape when you get it. Trophies are shiny on the outside, with nothing of value on the inside. So accept what they are and what you’re getting: you’ll have a pretty big turnover rate, and not much in the way of a satisfying relationship. (Perhaps the guy – as well as the others – you have described was looking for something more from you, not wanting to be a just trophy.)
If you want a loving relationship with someone, try stepping back from the dating scene and become friends with men (outside the bars), seeing them as people. You would also need to start valuing yourself as something more than a sugar daddy, and stop thinking that’s all you could be to someone else.
Successful relationships are built on mutual respect, sharing, caring and love. Take the time to learn and cultivate these traits in yourself, so you have more to offer than money and a successful business life.
Have a problem? Send your letters to “Dear Jody,” C/O Between The Lines, 11920 Farmington Road, Livonia MI 48150. Or email [email protected] Letters may be edited for length and/or clarity. You can also check out Dear Jody Valley on Facebook for tips and resources for a healthy relationship.