Scott Nevins has a special request: "Make me sound funny in the article so people come see my stupid ass." But Nevins, a comedian who's been called a younger, sexier, gayer Kathy Griffin, is very funny without our help. And based on the rest of his body – those washboard abs, that bone structure, those pecs (it's called research, people!) – we're betting his ass ain't stupid.
But you can be the judge of that Labor Day weekend, Aug. 31-Sept. 4, when Nevins performs his show, "Scott Nevins: One Night Stand," at the Mason Street Warehouse in downtown Saugatuck. Nevins tells us that he's never done a run like this before, where it's a nightly Broadway-style thing. "So," he says, "by the end of the run I could literally sound like Harvey Fierstein."
While he's there, Nevins plans on scoping out the area, maybe even making a trip to the beach, where he likes to spend as much time as possible when he's back home in Los Angeles. "I'm so interested to get there," he says of Saugatuck. "I've heard it's beautiful, so I can't wait to get there and do the shows and meet everyone."
And see how gay it is?
"I don't like the gays," he says in a mocking tone. "I'm with Michele Bachmann. I say we just get rid of them all. Extinguish all of them.
"She is something else, isn't she? Like Sarah Palin… with a different wig. It's going to be such a good season on 'Saturday Night Live.'"
These rips are part of Nevins' stage shtick, though he insists he's not as cutthroat as Kathy Griffin. "I love Kathy, but my stuff isn't as mean as hers," he says. "I find she skews really mean. But I'm usually the butt of my own joke before I make fun of somebody else."
In our conversation alone, he slams a bunch of gay icons, including Mariah Carey ("She can't hit no high notes. It's air. She's literally pushing out air, and it squeaks") and Lady Gaga ("She's a Muppet, and I think the second album is proving how long she's really gonna last. It's not that great.").
"I go after a lot of the big divas in my show," he says. "I'm Irish-Catholic, so if you like someone you make fun of them. That's the standard Irish-Catholic rule."
When he's not ridiculing people, he's imitating them – lots of them, from Judy Garland to Cher and Tina Turner. Notice they're all women, which has done a number on Nevins' voice. "I call it the 'List of How Scott Got Vocal Nodes,'" he says. "My poor vocal chords are strained and probably look like Michele Bachmann's face."
And they very well might during that last show in Saugatuck. "It could be hilarious; I could have a mental breakdown by the end of the run," Nevins says. But the comedian still promises that the shows won't strictly follow a script, so if you can't get enough Nevins, the only thing that will be exactly the same are those abs and that smile – and who's gonna complain about that?
"If someone in the audience is really into something, I will go with it and the show will completely change direction," he says. "It keeps things exciting for me."
He doesn't just like to mix it up onstage, telling stories about his personal and professional business, including gossip from his celebrity encounters. Variety is what Nevins lives for. "If my career could be me selling yogurt that helps you poop, I would be so thrilled. Or I would love to be the spokesperson for Cheesecake Factory. I will do anything. I will perform at a gas station. I have no qualms. A gig is a gig is a gig." (And money for the new laptop he wants.)
But he chose comedy, a career that includes a spot on truTV's "The Smoking Gun Presents," as host to many Hollywood events and a cover story in Instinct magazine. It all grew out of Nevins' childhood infatuation with showbiz and celebrity obsessions and knowing he wanted to be part of it, even if he didn't want to act.
"I figured out you can do this thing called hosting where you're not really an actor, you're playing yourself," he says, "and that's how that career started. People kept saying, 'You're really funny and you should really try this one-man show thing.'"
But when his dad died, so did that idea. Not long after, though, a producer called him up and urged him to get back into it. What began as a one-night only engagement in New York for friends and family snowballed into 12 weeks of sold-out shows. Nevins was hot stuff, and not just because of his looks.
In fact, he didn't always look like a page from an UnderGear catalog.
"I'm a former fat kid," Nevins admits, talking about all the complimentary adjectives – "incredibly gorgeous," "handsome" and "leading-man good looks" – used in his press materials. "It's all so silly, because I feel like I'm the goofiest person around. But I'm very flattered that people think that and it's very sweet of them, but inside I'm the awkward fat kid that I always was."
Obviously he's past the fat phase, but when did that happen? "It hasn't," he says. "I'm sitting here eating right now."
Now 30, Nevins' outlook on age is different than most of his gay peers, who seem to think getting older is a death sentence.
"Gay men freak out about age," he says, "but I think getting older is amazing. I never liked being in my 20s, but when I turned 30 there was a tiny bit of clarity that started to happen. I always was an old soul, so I never felt my age to begin with. I'm starting to feel like I'm catching up to my age as I get older."
But he still fondly remembers what it was like to be a kid, which is why he works closely with LGBT youth to empower them and speak on AIDS awareness, both through HRC and by giving lectures at schools around the country. "I was always very fortunate," he says. "I had two or three great gay role models growing up, and I feel now that I'm putting myself out there in the public eye that I have a responsibility to be somewhat of a role model, and it's gratifying.
"My life is an open book, and I talk about everything onstage," he continues. "I don't have anything to hide, and if I can help a kid feel better about him- or herself by being open and being honest, then I'll do it."
Talk about open – we found out everything from what Nevins shamelessly ate last night for dinner (a truffle burger with fries that was "better than sex"), the Botox he's had to maintain his "TV face" and how much of an outcast he used to be. And he knows that most of you won't make it through this article – but, as we remind him, the photos should help.
"Sadly that's all you need for the gay boys," he says. "I think we can work on that. We gotta get them reading. Reading is fundamental. No child left behind in the gay community! I'll hand out Hooked on Phonics at my show."
Like you need another reason to go.
Scott Nevins: One Night Stand
Aug. 31-Sept. 4
Mason Street Warehouse
400 Culver St., Saugatuck
$26-$39.75
http://www.masonstreetwarehouse.org
