By R.J. Beaumia
In America, where batter-coated, deep-fried cheese is considered a snack and the average family sedan can go from Wal-Mart to the battlefield with a simple change of tires, the terms "de trop" and "overkill" have as much relevance as "petticoat" or "pension."
The USA is the place where nothing succeeds like excess, and in our nation's capitol this month the usual cast of congressional goons will prove it by trying to pass again an amendment to the Constitution declaring marriage between one man and one woman only.
The Defense of Marriage Act, enacted by Congress in 1996, already does this. However, it is an election year and the Republicans – ever the innovative Calvinists – are determined to keep finding sweet blood in the rock of the gay menace in order to get votes.
The timing for this is surely a Rove-ian tour de force. June is Pride month, so the American media will be offering countless images of shirtless, short-shorted, bulge-basketed gay studs dancing on parade floats accompanied by a phalanx of their topless, bra-less sisters on Harleys.
It's probable that the marriage amendment won't pass, but that's not the point. Combined with the images of crazy homos running loose in the streets (in front of "the children," no doubt!), the media coverage of the amendment debate in Congress is the opening salvo of the fall election season to get the religion-based hate groups wound up.
In Hollywood this is known as "synergy," where the movie, the book, the CD, and the Happy Meal toy all come out on the same day. I would predict that the fundies will be getting a few abortions and stem cells to go with their Filet-o-Fish.
So, within the next few days, Dr. Frist, Medicine Man – taking time in between diagnosing his patient's ailments via video – will again degrade gays and lesbians on the Senate floor with yet another stab at institutionalizing our partial citizenship. Meanwhile, 600 miles northeast of Washington in Yarmouth, Nova Scotia, two cute Royal Canadian Mounted Policemen, wearing their scarlet dress uniforms, will be shoving wedding cake into each other's faces.
According to the Halifax Chronicle-Herald, Constables Jason Tree and David Connors will "stand before family, friends, and co-workers and wed in the first same-sex marriage in the RCMP's storied history."
Reading the article further, we find out that Jason and David met in high school and then began dating in college. "[Jason] kind of stood out from the rest," David told the Chronicle-Herald.
We are told that Jason always wanted to be a Mountie, and that when David's career in computer engineering faltered with the economy, he decided to join the RCMP, too. Upon graduation from training, Jason presented David with his badge in front of the entire class at the ceremony.
We are told that their boss has no problem with their marriage, or with them working together. "This is a first for us," said Sgt Frank Skidmore. "Certainly, the RCMP welcomes a workforce that is a representation of Canadian society, and that is the case here."
What we are not told until the very end of the article is how few people object to the marriage. Here's the Chronicle-Herald summing up a comment from Herm Wills, president of the Nova Scotia branch of the Campaign Life Coalition, which is sort of like a Canadian Focus on the Family: "Although he's 'not opposed to them doing what they want to do,' he said the traditional definition of marriage should be respected."
Were there other objections up there in Jason's and David's hometown? "Two women who did not who did not give their names said they oppose same-sex marriage," the Chronicle-Herald reported.
That's it.
No wailing and gnashing of teeth, no Sturm und Drang, no retaliation, no radical changing of laws, no 24-hour news reports, no protests, no "the children."
No hatred.
Although the new Conservative government will try to stop marriage parity this coming fall, what's astounding, especially as seen through my American eyes, is the lack of viciousness in the way they're going about it. Also amazing is the way the press handles the issue of gay relationships.
"For example, the Toronto Star has yet to say anything about the Mountie marriage. Can you imagine such restraint on the part of corporate media, Bush administration shills like the Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, or Washington Post? Can you imagine every hypocritical politician and religious bigot from sea to shining sea not hitching a ride on the comet of publicity-fueled intolerance?
The same day the Mountie story came out, American newspapers front-paged, above-folded the Pope, who was prancing about the Vatican in his Prada shoes denouncing the horror that is Canada. His holiness, Miss Carrie Bradshaw II said, "Like many countries, Canada is today suffering the pervasive effects of secularism [i.e., gay marriage and birth control]. One of the more dramatic symptoms of this mentality… is the plummeting birth rate."
The only thing dramatic, girlfriend, is your big ol' house full of antiques and young men, as well your swishy capes. And I suppose you wouldn't bother to list some of the other abominations of Canadian secularism, like national healthcare, equal rights, and safe streets.
Canada is a beacon of hope and what America should aspire to be. And if you want to contact me, you can reach me in Nova Scotia, where I'll be catching a bouquet.
