The thick smell of seafood isn't something Michigan offers unless you're in the Red Lobster parking lot. But in Boston, at Bay State Cruise Company's pier at World Trade Center, the lingering aroma of fresh fish followed me all the way on the 90-minute fast ferry to Provincetown.
Part of the reason you to go to P-Town is for the food (duh), and, if you're gay, you go there because … you're gay. For something a little different – besides, of course, the famous tea dance that originated there and lots of gay bars along Commercial Street – consider a beachside clambake, a scenic bike ride or a night of gut-busting laughter with a bawdy queen.
CLAMBAKE
Lone travelers might go for the scrumptious scallops at the Central House at the Crown or a Lucky Dog lobster po'boy, but for groups – or even for honeymooners (gay marriage is legal in Massachusetts!) – who love their seafood, don't pass up the chance to have a full-course seafood meal prepared in front of you. On the beach. As the sun is setting. The bake itself is just over $60 a person, with a $150 staff cost for up to 15 people, so it's not cheap. But to enjoy authentic New England cuisine – clam chowder, littleneck clams in a wine broth, 1 1/2-pound steamed lobsters, jerk chicken and jalapeno corn bread with honey butter – around a roaring bonfire, the experience is priceless. http://www.ptownparties.com.
DUNES
If you do the dunes tour, you'll probably hear the story of the Man Who Hates People (his real name escapes me, but that about sums him up). He isolates himself in the sandy parts outside of town, where he walks down a steep slope to get water. No thanks. It's interesting, however, to hear about him and other shack dwellers who live on the outskirts, where famous artists and writers like Eugene O'Neill found inspiration. Known as the dunes of the Province Lands of the Cape Cod National Seashore, the area is a surprisingly sprawling mass of beach grass and pines – just beautiful sky overhead. Snap away! http://www.artsdunetours.com.
PURPLE FEATHER
It's not just the almond-crunch gelato and homemade fudge that are sweet at the Purple Feather. It's the couple that owns it: Ann Okun and her husband Peter. The couple's always smiling – who wouldn't be, working around freshly baked pastries, dozens of gelato flavors and specialty coffee drinks? Named Best Ice Cream on Cape Cod by a local magazine (I'd go as far as saying one of the best anywhere), they even offer gourmet sandwiches for people who like to eat heartier before they dive into something sinfully delicious. Ann and Peter, see you soon for my sugar fix. http://www.thepurplefeather.com.
BIKING
A car in P-Town? Don't be silly. The best way to get around, considering how many people walk along the main drag, is to hop on a bicycle (just ask John Waters). It's safe, hassle-free and a nice way to expose your ass crack to all the other gays. Commercial Street makes it easy – take the bike both ways and, should you want to stop somewhere, the area has racks everywhere. For a scenic jaunt, follow the recently renovated National Seashore Bike Trails for views of dunes, forest, ponds and the ocean. Wanna get naked? Take it to Herring Cove, a lovely spot that's also home to an unofficial nude beach. Oh yeah, baby. http://www.ptownbikes.com.
DINA MARTINA
Lip-syncing is one thing, but to truly perfect a complete character – that takes talent. Dina Martina has that and a lot of raunchy jokes, butchered songs from yesterday and today, tasteless costumes and absurdly hilarious video footage of her in recognizable shows. Her stints are always changing, and townies tell me she's best when she's completely off-the-cuff, but her dose of demented cartoon comedy is a brilliant way to spend a night with friends. http://www.dinamartina.com.
SAGE INN
Leave it to two lesbians to take on the major renovations of a former Pilgrim House from 1800s that caught fire in 1990. Diane DiCarlo and Jeanne Leszczynski added a newly designed lounge with a fireplace, commercial kitchen and a custom-built first floor welcome desk. The space is modern, inviting and has become a popular place for hanging with friends and holding private parties. Not to mention their food: Chef Lucio Garnica offers a memorable culinary experience with uniquely prepared cocktails and sharable small plates. The peanut butter and bacon rolls – made special at the time – changed my life. http://www.sageinnptown.com.
WHALE WATCH
It's a four-hour commitment, but seeing those mighty mammals in their natural habitat on a whale watch is still a hoot. A boat takes you out to the Stellwagen Bank National Marine Sanctuary – home to vast marine life including whales, dolphins, sea turtles and sea birds that like to ride the behemoths' backs – and lets the whales show off. The humpbacks, minkes and finbacks peek out of the water, flip their tails and make use of their blowholes. After a while, it becomes just as much fun watching the camera-crazy people flock from side to side of the boat to catch these whales in action. http://www.whalewatch.com.
CARPE DIEM GUESTHOUSE
As soon as I walked into this luxury resort in the heart of Provincetown, I was charmed. Dessert wine in the guesthouse? A homemade German-style breakfast? How lovely. It's the perfect place to unwind, lounge in the secluded courtyard and get lost in a novel. They also have a hot tub, steam room, spa – and, after dark, clothes are optional. The Victorian-style rooms are adorable; each is uniquely furnished and named after historical authors (I was in "James Baldwin"). The little things make a big difference at Carpe Diem. http://www.carpediemguesthouse.com.
