Todd (left) and Dan (right) following their wedding ceremony ten years ago. Photo courtesy of the couple
Many same-sex couples in Michigan aren't waiting for the Supreme Court to decide on Prop 8 and DOMA in order to have a wedding.
Julia Josling, 30, popped the big question last December while out for date night at her favorite restaurant in Ann Arbor. Her partner, Andrea Vandenburgh, 27, was apologetic because they don't always have enough time to see each other with conflicting work schedules.
"That's when she came to my side of the booth and said 'well then how about we spend the rest of our lives together?'" said Vandenburgh. Together for almost four years, the couple from Jackson said they were nervous about how they would be perceived when they approached the wedding coordinator at the English Inn and Restaurant in Eaton Rapids.
"With the business' image in mind, I had to explain to her that Julia is a trans woman who used to be Jon and while she presents as a woman, her driver's license still says male," said Vandenburgh. "She was 100 percent supportive of a ceremony with two brides."
This means their marriage is valid and legal, according to the National Center for Transgender Equality. As stated on the NCTE website: "Generally, the validity of a marriage is determined by the status of the couple at the time the marriage was performed. If the spouses were different genders at the time of marriage, the marriage should remain valid even if one spouse later transitions."
"My assumption is that this couple will apply for a marriage license in Michigan as an opposite-sex couple. This is a bit of a complicated issue because Michigan has no case law regarding what gender a transgender person is recognized as in regards to a marriage," said ACLU of Michigan LGBT Project Staff Attorney.
The NCTE website further states: "Some couples in this situation currently encounter discrimination from government officials, private employers or others who erroneously refuse to honor the marriage based on the mistaken view that events that happen after a couple marries can somehow retroactively invalidate a marriage that was lawful at the time it was entered."
But Josling and Vandenburgh aren't worried about all the obstacles right now while they plan for what will be the happiest day of their lives underneath the pergola on the Grand River with 50 of their closest friends and family.
"Right now, the focus is wrapping up invites and tasting cakes with our favorite almond cream and fruit fillings," said Vandenburgh.
"This isn't about trying to impress people or make it about anybody but us. It's about us coming together and sharing our life together," said Josling, who didn't think there was anybody else like her out there. "Hearing other people's positive stories helps."
This is why Dan and Todd Jacey of Troy were so willing to share their story in an effort to educate people who don't realize that having the wedding of their dreams is an option.
"We always wanted to get married," said Todd Jacey, 45. He and his 48-year-old partner are celebrating their tenth anniversary this month. "People ten years ago didn't know you could do this. Dan is Catholic, but we had a very traditional wedding in a Lutheran church followed by a reception with a caterer and 165 guests. We picked out wedding bands and ordered a white cake with butter cream frosting decorated with periwinkle flowers, our color of choice. We even had cake cutting knives engraved."
Business owners and guests from other wedding parties were curious about two men having a wedding. "We answered lots of questions and made sure people we did business with were comfortable and supported us rather than just tolerated the idea in order to take our money," said Todd Jacey.
"If we knew where to find people that supported us, it would've been much easier," he said, adding that he would have taken full advantage of an event like the Third Annual BTL Same-Sex Wedding Expo at the Detroit Marriott Livonia on April 7, had it been around when they were planning their wedding.
"We would have gone not just to find support, but to support those businesses. Not all LGBT couples are going to have a traditional wedding either, so what a great way to showcase different ideas. It would definitely take away the fear of rejection or being treated differently," he said.
After all this time, it is important to the Jacey's that their marriage is legally recognized for the benefit of their five-year-old children Sydney and Timmy who need two legal parents, not just one. "Marriage is about starting a life together and creating families, whether it's a family of two or many. Find the people that support you and you can create the family you want."
But according to Kaplan, we are up against quite a few barriers. "Michigan has had laws on the books since 1996 that deny gay couples the right to marry and deny recognition of marriage between same-sex couples in other states. In 2004, voters approved a referendum amending our state constitution to limit marriage to opposite sex couples. The language of this amendment also refers to 'or similar union for any purpose.' These six words have been interpreted very broadly by our State Supreme Court as basically taking everything off the table for same-sex couples regarding relationship recognition. No civil unions, no domestic partner health insurance benefits. We have one of the broadest relationship recognition prohibitions in the country and we are the only state where this prohibition is as a result of a state court interpretation. We are one of the worst states in the country as it pertains to LGBT relationship recognition. The only way we can get to marriage equality in our state is to repeal this amendment through a ballot initiative campaign, or for the United States Supreme Court to declare that it is unconstitutional to deny gay couples the right to marry, something many legal experts believe that the Court is not yet ready to do," he said.
Until then, LGBT couples will find a way to be together forever.
"We're in the beginning stages of planning, but we're thinking about eloping, maybe going to Canada or New York possibly and then we'll have a party for friends and family at home," said Chloe Matthews, 27, who met her partner Lia Tennant, 25 via the Internet. Tennant, a soon-to-be chemical engineering graduate from Wayne State University, secured a position working in oil field services in New Mexico where their out-of-state marriage would be recognized.
In a relationship for almost six years, the Ferndale couple got engaged when Tennant proposed over an elaborate breakfast at home in January.
"It was adorable. I had a feeling because she was acting out of the ordinary around Christmas time. She had gone shopping for a ring with friends from work and I know she hates shopping," said Matthews. "We had an interesting experience when we first got engaged. You want people to be really happy and excited for you, but not everybody has responded in a supportive way and it's unfortunate. But that's what makes the people who have been supportive that much more special."
