By Dawn Wolfe
ANN ARBOR –
If Jesus could have two daddies, why can't other children? That's the question being asked and answered in the new book, Jesus Has Two Daddies, by Michigander Tom McMillen-Oakley.
McMillen-Oakley, who will be at Common Language Bookstore starting at 7 p.m. April 12 to sign his autobiographical how-to guide to gay fatherhood, took some time for an interview with BTL recently about the challenges for gay men in becoming parents, the sorry state of Michigan's laws, and making a splash in the Middle East.
Q: Let's start with the most obvious question – why this title?
A: McMillen-Oakley: The title is from a children's sermon given by the former minister of the church we used to attend. She was preparing the kids in the church for our daughter's arrival and made the analogy that God asked Joseph to take care of his son since he couldn't. So in a sense, like Anna, (and the couple's son, Eli) Jesus has two daddies.
Q: You and your husband Todd are have full-time jobs and you're both full-time dads. What prompted you to find time to write a book on top of all that?
A: When we first started this (the process of adopting their children) there were very few books out there for dads starting a family. The only one we found helpful was Dan Savage's (The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant, Plume, 1999). There were books on the turkey baster method for women, but nothing for us (male partners). When we started (the adoption process) I started taking notes. My hope is to get this out there so that other male couples who are looking to become parents can have a resource.
Q: What advice do you have for male partners who want to become parents?
A: My first piece of advice to anybody looking to adopt is to be sure you have a stable relationship with your partner and the funds to do it. It's not cheap to make it happen. Anna's [biological] mom's lawyer was $500 an hour. You and I have been on the phone for twenty minutes; that would be $250 billed.
My first piece of advice to same-sex couples in Michigan is, why Michigan? We're not an LGBT-friendly state. If they have a choice I'd advise them to go elsewhere.
Q: What kind of reception has your book gotten so far?
A: It's been good; our sales are good online for both the digital copy and hard copy. I had someone in the Middle East, when the digital copy dropped in December, buy fifteen copies to give away to friends during the holidays. This person messaged me saying this (the book) is great and he hopes he makes a difference sharing it with his people.
The turnout for the book's opening in Jackson was astounding. Quite a few people came who have gay relatives. One woman talked to my mom for quite a bit – she has a gay son who lives in Wisconsin with his partner and they want to do this (start a family) so she bought the book for him.
She and my mom were crying and sharing tissues – she thanked me and said more people need to know this is possible — she thought she'd never be a grandmother with (her son). If one person can get some reassurance (from the book) for what they're doing or give help to one of their family members, I think it would be a beautiful thing.
