Bigots Do It Better

Charles Alexander
By | 2013-06-13T09:00:00-04:00 June 13th, 2013|Opinions, Parting Glances|

Parting Glances

I don’t know how you feel about bigotry, whether it’s innate or a choice – but if you have someone special in your life who’s a closet bigot, or know someone who’s concerned about this mental, quasi-spiritual condition – tell them about Ex-Bigots International.
EBI has been in existence since Westboro Baptist Church gave religious sanction to the practice of bigotry and aligned God as a direct beneficiary. (And some Rev. Fred Phelps family and fellowship members would swear on a stack of hotel-room Gideon Bibles that God is the Divine Author of the time-honored practice of hate mongering).
Aside from the theocratic controversy that has been stimulated by the topic – both adamantly pro and wishy-washy con – it’s estimated that one in ten Americans are bigots; tho many – unlike the Westboro Baptists who have elevated the practice to a prayerful art form – are only occasional bigots and, to use a New Testament backslider designation, are only lukewarm in their zealotry and sincerity.
There is of course, as any Southern Baptist worth his or her heterosexual, born-again political salt and tax-exempt status will tell you, a time and a place for bigotry and its doctrinal and biblically correct use. Isn’t that what ‘real’ Christianity is all about?
The Ex-Bigots International is formed to enlighten the general public – those not a part of the one in ten aforementioned polling configuration – that bigots are born that way and are not bigots who pursue the Creator-given, free-will choice by practicing. Simple-mindedly put: Bigotry’s innate. Not a matter of choice. (Say, unlike being gay.)
As current EBI president, Dr. Breadwetter P. Holden, explains succinctly in a recent issue of the organization’s publication, Getting Straight About Hate!
“Our organization works tirelessly to disabuse an ignorant majority of our fellow Americans of notions that bigotry is a choice. It is most definitely not.
I was born a bigot!
“We are, thank God, bigots by our Garden of Eden genetic makeup, or, as it were, our heavenly DNA (diurnal natural attitude). Why should we be ashamed of it? Many of our best religious friends are similarly born bigots. (JWs and Mormons are merely busybody imitators.)
“The truth is that we are living in End Times that have been end-timing since our blessed Savior’s days. (Sinners! be advised, a 2013-year-old promise is still a, cross-my-heart, hope-to-die, promise.) And we of the EBI biblically elect are called upon to speak out, boldly, brazenly, loud-mouthedly, and not in ways that are only marginal bigotry rather than the real, honest-to-God thing.
Hate with a capital H, as in . . . helter skelter . . .
“Let’s be spiritually on target. There are degrees and nuances of bigotry. That’s the eternal beauty of the practice. If such makes the world a better place and brings the Kingdom of God an inch closer, than amen, and richly so. Oh, no, brothers and sister bigots, bigotry is not a choice. It is a part of the very fabric of our being. Wear the name with pride.
“If God can hate, well, then, so can we. Bless you, Fred Phelps!”
In that same issue of Get Your Hate Straight! appear several letters to the editor, indicating that the Ex-Bigot International movement seeks to be fair and objective in its goal of identifying bigots as born to the action, rather than electing to do so in imitation of others merely professing that status for in-crowd show.
Some letters are controversial. But in fairness to EBI, that’s a good thing. I quote. Hate at your own risk.
“I’d like to take umbrage to the so-called scientific poll of Americans who are bigots. In my conservative opinion – both Republican, Right Wing, and T-bagger otherwise – the estimate of one in ten is much too low.
“It’s my experience, attending a lifetime of political meetings, caucuses, referendums, district re-zonings, all-night, gerrymandering sleep-overs at least seven-and-a-quarter in ten is more accurate. Please understand, I wish no disservice to my religious bigot friends. Just being honest, that’s all. Signed, Proud Bigot. (PS: Obamacare be damned!)”

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Charles Alexander