by Danielle Heythaler
How do you tell someone what your world looks like, when they cannot even understand who you are? Good question.
Let's start with the fact that I am a Transgender Woman (Transwoman). Some people might be indifferent, not wanting to get "involved"; others have the heart and sincere interest to try to listen to your story.
Then, as expected, you may experience the "You are some sick out-of-your-mind freak that belongs tucked away in some hole or Hell." Those are the fun ones. Not really, but it was worth a try.
Moving on to the life of a middle-aged Transwoman. The term for me basically means that although my reproductive parts are masculine, the rest of me is decidedly not! Realizing it and then trying to actually live that life is where the issues and troubles start.
For the younger ones, it may not be as difficult. However, those like myself making this revelation later in life, have tons of baggage (habits, fully developed body/voice) and pre-existing lives that include things like work, family, church, friends, school, clubs or associations and activities which can cause severe distress and complete upheaval of current conditions.
With any luck you won't face too many of the naysayers.
Take for instance the first noted item. Work. Yes, it is a nasty four-letter word for some, and it has for a short while been just that – a nasty four-letter word. Now it wasn't always this way. There was a time when I truly loved my job and enjoyed going into work. Well that was the past.
Before "coming out" to my company supervisor/manager, I had the foresight to contact my HR department first to ensure that I would not be fired on the spot for being "Trans" and wanting to "transition" at work.
With assistance from my counselor, I wrote down a few notes on a yellow sticky note and went to discuss this, innermost need to be myself, with my department leader and one other person. It was an emotional meeting for me as I was divulging a very intimate and secret part of myself to an "outsider" and who also had authority to tell me to "get out!"
That's where the HR department had my back, because they had already been in discussion with the company executives and leaders. My job at the time was still there. That was October of 2011. Come along June of 2012 and transition time. Within a week my job was handed to someone else that I had to train. I was then shuffled off to a different department.
I guess because women cannot be engineers or think logically (not true)! Talk about belittling someone and running them out on a rail. My new position was in the Customer Service Department and in a completely different building, as everyone knows that's where the women belong (also not true)!
Do you sense the direction things are going? This happens to be a very kind-hearted and open-minded company (read as: some of the people). Thankfully my new manager was open and kind about the situation. I could tell she was sincere.
Continuing on, new job and very little "real" training with multiple tasks that are very time consuming, causes back-up and work overload.
Now come to May 2013. Old leader now becomes leader of my new department. Yes, hopefully you can feel the tension and slight twinge of fear that started to rattle my bones and cause my heart to quiver. That self-same leader was now again directly in control of my employment. Take that same stack of work piling up on my desk and somehow magically reposition it on my current supervisor's desk (because she was very kind and willing to help.) New manager walks in and sees said work and an in a instant a meeting was called.
I accidentally, and out of a sense of momentary disorientation, went to the wrong conference room. This is not a good way to start this meeting. I finally arrive out of breath and once again starting to sob a bit. Oh, did I tell you I am an emotional person?
Meeting begins with new manager making this first comment, and I quote, "Emotional outbursts will no longer be tolerated!" So Spock just walked in and possessed my boss. Uh, I am not a Vulcan, sorry for being human. Next my boss tells me that my work/productivity had decreased since starting this new job.
She also cleverly mentions that in my former job and identity my productivity was great. Now this development and things have just gone downhill. I tried to explain that my identity had nothing to do with my lack of work performance, but that it was the lack of training and a time consuming workload.
She then proceeded with the following phrase, and I am also quoting here, "If you cannot do all of your job you will be terminated." There was no listening to "lack of training" or time consuming factors – it was all due to this "new" person.
You can run but you just can't hide. I have been blessed to have kept my job. Most lose them on the spot or very shortly afterwards.
Obviously some of these "evaluations" could happen to anyone at any job, but when a boss out rightly says, "You were highly productive before, and now after this your performance has decreased," can only be referencing one single issue. Trans.
This is in a "safe zone" at work – now try being in public and needing to use the ladies restroom. It's possible you may not only get looks and under-the-breath comments. You could find yourself being escorted from the building. All for trying to be yourself.
A glimpse is all I can offer, but hopefully it is enough for you to see that being a Transwoman is no cakewalk. Would you like to experience this type of bias and treatment?
