BY AJ TRAGER
HAZEL PARK – April DeBoer and Jayne Rowse describe "actively stumbling" into their lawsuit against the state of Michigan. The case launched Michigan into the center of the marriage equality debate.
The couple originally sought joint legal rights of their (then) three adopted children in 2011. Since making their first claim against the state of Michigan and the Oakland County Clerk's Office, the case has blossomed with complexities and connections beyond what anyone could imagine would happen to one family. Almost overnight, these two nurses went from spending long hours in the hospital to the center of a media storm as they became national celebrities.
"It's been a crazy journey. We did not plan to challenge the marriage amendment, but we stood up and did what we had to do to protect our kids and our family. In the long run, the marriage challenge is going to affect more of our lives beyond the kids. It's going to affect our relationship and everything. But it's been a long journey of ups and downs, and we're proud of what we've done," said DeBoer.
In 2011, with the assistance of a strong legal team, the couple sued the state of Michigan seeking to second-parent adopt their kids. Michigan prohibits second-parent adoptions for anyone who isn't married, and following a voter-approved law from 2004 that defined marriage as "a union between one man and one woman," same-sex marriage was not permitted in the state. When they went into court, the couple expected an immediate affirming decision and a quick return to their daily lives. Little did they know that their simple request from the state to have joint legal custody of their children would lead to such a big historic journey.
"We fell backwards into a basket and got pushed down the way. We didn't start out looking for this at all. We started out to just adopt our kids, and here we are at the verge of possible change for the country with the possibility of being able to marry," Rowse said just before the SCOTUS decision. "So I think we are very proud of what we've done. We didn't start out to do this. We didn't start out to be pioneers or leaders or the face of gay marriage."
Rowse and DeBoer are by no means the first pioneers for LGBT rights. Activists and politicians of today stand on the backs of national, historic giants such as Harvey Milk, Cleve Jones, Danielle Egnew and Bayard Rustin as well as the Michigan legends like Jim Toy, Kathy Kozachenko and Ruth Ellis who paved the way for LGBT rights.
They have learned a lot about activism and the legal system through their journey into the push and shove of being proactively LGBT.
"I think in a lot of ways we found out there is way more complexity to the system than we really knew, with the legislature and the politics that goes into a lot of this," said Rowse. "We've met so many people from various groups that are fighting for the right to have equality, safety in the workplace or safety in housing. I think our eyes have been open to a lot more of the stuff that people are putting their hard work into and what it entails."
Over the course of the past four years, the couple and their children have all grown up in the media spotlight. The kids have ridden in parades and travelled with their moms to many different press releases, wedding expos, pride festivals and even the courthouse.
"The kids show up to these things. They get to do cool things and play with their friends, but other than that they don't have any idea (what's really going on)," said DeBoer.
While the center of attention may be exciting, the couple is ready to return to their daily lives away from the camera, but DeBoer doesn't expect the energy to subside until mid-July.
DeBoer and Rowse have some short-term and long-term goals. The firsts of many will be planning their wedding and finally co-adopting their children. To finally adopt their children will be a huge relief and will eliminate some stress and worry in their lives — "The what ifs of every day life," said DeBoer.
"We hope that our kids learn tolerance," adds DeBoer. "Just complete tolerance of anybody who is different than you, for whatever reason. We also hope that they are proud of us and of what we've done, really for them."
