Parting Glances: Gay Divorcees, Anyone?

Human nature being what it is – and sometimes mostly what it isn't – those who marry in haste, straight or gay, usually repent at leisure by visiting an attorney to file for a divorce.
It's time consuming. Costly. But it also keeps a substantial majority of marriage counselors, attorneys, mothers-in-law, private detectives in a happy and financially rewarding position of privilege and on occasion, sweet revenge.
What with almost 48 percent of American marriages ending in separation, divorce, alimony, property settlement, hurt feelings, animosity, verbal and too frequent physical abuse, it's also amazing that many are eager to repeat the process by marrying again. And again. And again.
It's called the Newt Gingrich Syndrome.
Now that the lately enlightened Supreme Court has granted gay and lesbian couples the U.S. Constitution-guaranteed right to marry, a right-wing fundamentalist group called "Once Is Quite Enough, Marry!" is advocating the passing of legislation to prevent gays and lesbians from getting divorces.
Says Once Is Quite Enough, Marry! spokesperson Rev. J.C. Walker Wince, "Everybody knows gays believe variety is the vice of life. And the grass is always leaner on the other side. Gay divorce would be an 'open sesame' to change dance partners and line dance with the blessing of legal sanction.
"Like one-man, one-woman marriage, one-man, one-woman divorce is a Christian privilege. If your spouse sins against the Holy Ghost, say by regularly watching X-rated porn on Sunday or believing in Obamacare instead of faith healing, it may be time to call it quits. It's certainly worth praying about it first."
While no statistics about same-sex divorce rates are understandably available at the onset of catching the marriage equality bouquet, according to the University of Chicago's National Opinion Research Center, "Christians per se have a national divorce rate of 42 percent. The rate for religiously unaffiliated is 50 percent."
Analyzes Barna Research Group, a deeply religious evangelical, conservative organization, its contrasting percentages are: "Non-denominational (34 percent); Mainline Protestant (25 percent); Mormon (24 percent); Catholic (21 percent); Lutheran (21 percent)."
A National Public Radio survey finds that Red States have a higher divorce rate than Blue States: "Tennessee, Arkansas, Alabama, Oklahoma and Kentucky are the top five in frequency of divorce. Conservative states are roughly 50 percent above the national average of 4.2/1000 people." (Yea, verily! Bible Belters all.)
Speaking of Newt Gingrich Syndrome, the following are thankfully not Gay Divorcees: Bob Dole, Dick Armey, Gov. John Engler, Rush Limbaugh, Henry Kissinger, Sen. John McCain. Oh, yes. President Ronald Reagan. (The less said about Sarah Palin's daughter, the better.)