BY AJ TRAGER
Tina and Trudi Bates with their daughter Tessa.
YPSILANTI – Tina and Trudi Bates got together in 1998 after the death of Tina's first partner, Linda. They met in the Affirmations' Women's Rap group and became very close friends. Meeting Trudi was a surprise for Tina, as was the relationship that they still share. Seventeen years after the beginning of their romance, they finally tied the knot and wanted to share their story with BTL readers.
Tina came out at a young age and started dating Linda when she was just 13; they grew up together. She was met with a lot of animosity from family and peers but remained optimistic in the face of adversity and stuck with her partner through thick and thin. She gave up the idea of marriage when she was just 14 but now that she is finally married to the woman of her dreams, she feels relieved and grateful.
"It's very surreal. I wanted a wedding ring like all my straight friends had," Tina joked.
She took Trudi's last name "Bates" 15 years ago for the small price of $700 before most companies were offering domestic partnerships — before many TV shows even included an LGBT character. She calls the period of time between then and now to be her "long engagement" to Trudi. But she wanted to take another step up the relationship escalator — she wanted kids and she wanted new developments in her life.
Eventually Trudi graduated from medical school and got a job in the pharmacy department at the University of Michigan, which meant that they were finally able to move out of their basement apartment and into a larger home close to Ann Arbor. Unfortunately, old wounds from a horse riding accident when she was just 8 years old crept up and left her disabled shortly after purchasing the house in Pittsfield Township.
In 2008 after a stressful pregnancy that included daily injections and monitoring of sugar levels, Trudi gave birth to a healthy baby girl, Tessa Grace Gates. Tina didn't want to watch the birth — in fact, she didn't even want to be in the room. However, she was convinced to watch as her daughter was born via cesarean section, in a remarkable surgery that shocked the medical staff.
"Stay with my eyes and stand up," Tina remembers being told during the height of the moment. She was pulled up, looking directly into Trudi's eyes. "I gasped and started crying."
Tessa was raising her hand up to the sky almost to say, "Look out world, here I am." She began talking at 7 months old and understood the concept of Momma, Mother and Father at a very young age. The three of them celebrate Father's Day every year and cast a balloon into the sky in gratitude for contributing to Tessa's life.
On her eighth birthday held at Pizza Hut, before her entire class and a clown performer specializing in balloon artistry, Tessa made her birthday wish. Tina was expecting something that a typical 8-year-old would ask for, such as a toy or a bike, but Tessa had another idea.
"My wish is for you and Mother to get married," she said.
Tina says that Tessa is a mature child for her age and was surprised that her daughter would "waste a birthday wish on her," after all, weddings are not cheap and disability bills can suck a bank account dry. But Tessa is invested in their happiness and actively advocates, to her youthful ability, for the acceptance of LGBT families like hers.
"Tessa is helping the next generation in her own magical, wonderful way," Tina said to BTL. "Tessa has had to deal with gay issues and not be gay herself."
The young girl understands how her family dynamic is different from other families'. She attends a public school in Ann Arbor and is actively engaging in conversations with her peers, neighbors and with her Momma and Mother. When asked if she was missing out on anything by not having a father in the home, Tessa responded, "I have you to care about me and you to care about me. You love me so much, I get the love from both moms. However, I get the love from you guys, but you don't let me get away with things."
Tina and Trudi were married Nov. 24, 2015 in their living room. They gathered up black and white chairs, laid down a white runner, gathered casually dressed friends and family together and celebrated a day of love. It just happened to be a girls only event equipped with two flower girls and four maids of honor. Rev. Deb Cox from the Metropolitan Community Church of Metro Detroit officiated the small ceremony.
After the ceremony, Tessa gave a toast for her Momma and Mother. "My eight birthday wish came true," she said. "My moms got to get married today."
