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WWJD: Number One or Number Two?

An offshoot of concern for so-called spiritually inappropriate transgender use of restrooms is what might be best called "a biblical bowel movement," that for the first time in scriptural exegesis — doctrinal commentary — touches on a subject so sadly neglected for our nation's theocratic consideration.
As many believe we are now living in the Last Days before "the saved" will be called heavenward — an event marketed by best-selling fundamentalist and evangelical authors under the rubric of "Left Behind" — this somewhat delicate but appropriately termed BM subject matter warrants serious consideration.
Truth is that, as a topic, very few ministers or OT/NT scholars, if any, are versed on the subject of elimination of human wastes as practiced in B.C. or first-century A.D. times.
The average churchgoer today hasn't the slightest inkling of how those first disciples, followers, converts, uncircumcised believers went about "lowering their nets" — to euphemistically put it — as the internal calling and rumblings of daily eaten fish and loaves occurred.
Take for example the logistic requirements for one of the most well-known miracles of the onset of Christianity: the feeding of 5,000. What accommodations were there for contingencies of gastric, lower intestinal urgency and facilitation?
Perhaps it's understandable that no one gives a whiff of thought to what are the necessities of what is referred to euphemistically as No. 1 and No. 2. Try as one may, it's extremely difficult to recall to mind any prophet, saint, angelic being so driven by those basic functions that are admittedly common primarily to sinners and today's "unsaved."
If nothing else, however, the recent occupation of who might have no business sitting meditatively for five or 10 minutes in a restroom stall has had an electric effect on fundamentalist and evangelical religious types. (Including Southern Baptists who are known for having exemplary, day-long Christian bladder control at casinos and racetracks.)
What was once called "bar ministry" among the self-righteous — seeking lost souls in saloons, and occasionally gay bar back rooms — is now called "restroom rescue prevention."
Today's religious BM has meant the recruitment of hundreds, if not thousands, who are dedicated to the three P's of righteousness: "Peeing. Praying. Protesting."
According to the movement's recruitment weekly, "The Left Behinder," "True believers are admonished by Isaiah 36:12 to flush out hidden sin in public places. The family that prays, and occasionally pees together in church but not in public with transgendered sinners, is blessed."
(As for actual biblical verse references to the subject at hand, so to speak, there are about 30. Depending upon the translation, dung and pee are frequent honest, straightforward word renderings. If curious, check out a Bible Concordance. Ex-Lax optional.)
To date, the Left Behinder Movement has targeted several large-city department stores for surveillance. Many "3 P-ers," as volunteers affectionally call themselves, sign on for vigilance duty for a minimum of five hours, twice a week. (With or without required proof of in-stall participation.)
As opportunity presents itself, volunteers — each self-identified by badges, WWWJDo-do? — replace stall tissue paper with tastefully designed Bible verse admonitions to "be biblically aware of who is sitting in the stall next to you. Is he or she gender appropriate for salvation and elimination of all shortcomings?
"Pray. But, for Christ's sake, please don't tap between stalls. It's a Bible-based no no."

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