You know what sucks? Doin' it to the same ol' sex songs ("Sexual Healing"! "Justify My Love"!). Need a less-archaic foreplay-to-finish compilation to spice up the crib with that longtime lover or "friend" – or the person you're about to find online? The following totally gay pop list was tested for sexiness, longevity and versatility. Just not herpes – so keep a rubber close by.
"Feel Like Makin' Love," Mary J. Blige Think of MJB as your evening's Soulful Sex Host. With this slinky slow-jam, the No-Shit-Taking Troubadour sets the heavy-petting mood: Set me free. Pull me closer. Go slow. Turn off the light. Stay the night. Someone did her research!
"Kiss Me," Melissa Etheridge When the raspy rock-star shouts "Come out and play!" on this come-hither jam, you better know that she's referring to doing the dirty – not playing Trivial Pursuit. Otherwise, just stop now. Seriously.
"Shut Up and Drive," Rihanna Laced with driving double-entendres ("Can you handle the curves?"), this sexy-seasoned synth rocker will surely rev up the homo-horny-factor as she insists, "Step into my ride." Odds are, you're probably already there.
"Little of Your Time," Maroon 5 By this point, when lead singer Adam Levine says, "Gonna make you feel it, can you still feel it?" you should be responding with, "Yes! Yes! Yes! I can!" Even if you have to imagine the hunky metrosexual swapping places with your sexmate.
"So Lonely," Twista with Mariah Carey You can almost feel the steam from this smooth, smoldering hip-hop jam about riding the "horsy," going all night and trying to keep it down so the neighbors don't hear. If you're anything like M.C., who pants like a tired pooch in between Twista's dirty rhymes, then you're screwed.
"Possession (Rabbit in the Moon Remix)," Sarah McLachlan Sure, it's about the Canadian chanteuse's creepy stalker, but you should be so immersed in sextacy that all you'll hear is come-ons like: "Close your eyes," "I'll take your breath away" and "I'll be the one to hold you down."
"Ooh Ooh Baby," Britney Spears Think of B.S. as a gas tank. On this saucy cut from "Blackout," the newly-reborn Brit likes to be filled up – with love! Just don't make the mistake of thinking this is about her making those neglected babies. 'Cause it's not. Really.
"Oh My God," Pink with Peaches "Let me feel you, baby," Pink coos. And you will! During woman-on-woman fornication-fest (where Peaches claims Pink's vers), the two flirt with lesbianism as the pop-punk rocker asks the rapper to throw her on the table – and then, you know, pretend she's Thanksgiving dinner.
"Bliss," Mariah Carey You know those dolphin squeals M.C. randomly unleashes? Well, we know how she does it. She megagasms! Well, at least that's what this ceaseless, innuendo-laced high-note number would have you think.
"Would You Mind" Janet Jackson Ms. Jackson punctuates this slinky, X-rated musical moan-a-thon by saying, "The song ended. I didn't even get to come. Did you?" After 12 songs, let's sure as hell hope you responded with a, "Ooh yeah. Twice."
Note: Feelin' ambitious? Repeat. Feelin' like a quickie? Skip to "Would You Mind?" Alone on V-Day? Just play Cyndi Lauper's "She Bop" and, well, bop along.
