“I should have become a Mormon. It’s a VERY big religion.” – Jane Seymour explains why she didn’t last longer on “Dancing With The Stars.” I think getting food poisoning off-camera was another mistake – always get sick ON-camera!
During my Thanksgiving travels, I was treated to an in-flight viewing of “High School Musical 2” – which I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to follow since I missed “High School Musical 1.” Say what you will about Zac Efron, but he oozes all the masculinity of a young Mackenzie Phillips. No offense to Mac, but who knew teenage girls like their boys so, well, gay. I’m happy that we’re in a time when young girls and boys of varying sexuality have the opportunity to be in tele-musicals. Had this trend started a decade earlier, our very own Patrick David would have surely been a huge star. You know him from playing the young Greg Louganis in that made-for-TV movie. Patrick is an incredible dancer and singer and has charisma to boot – and he could kick little Zac’s ass!
Speaking of Zac, the young buck’s next project, “17,” finds him and Matthew Perry playing the same role! Matthew is a dad who goes to bed one night an adult, and wakes up the next morning as Zac. Confused? You’re not the only one. Imagine Perry trying to figure out why his school bag is filled with make-up!
On the opposite end of the spectrum, Jake Gyllenhaal continues his quest to ooze masculinity from every pore – at least on camera. This time around, he’s taking on football great Joe Namath. I met Joe once. He was getting a pedicure while I was getting a manicure – proving that nothing beats a great pair of L’Eggs!
Once this writers’ strike is over, Patrick Swayze will have a job. A&E has hired him to play an FBI agent training a new recruit in “The Beast.” Who’s the new recruit? Sexy Calvin Klein underwear model Travis Fimmel. Readers will recall that Travis’ acting abilities came under fire when he was cast in the ill-fated “Tarzan” series for the now-defunct WB. Of course, that was “Masterpiece Theatre” compared to Fimmel’s follow-up. “Rocky Point” was a one-hour drama filmed in Hawaii for The WB that never even got to air. So perhaps third time’s a charm!
Onto more “Billy’s Gift Giving Suggestions.” If I know my audience, I’d bet there was a Judy Garland fan or two out there. I previously reported that director Sam Mendes was shooting a documentary about Rufus Wainwright’s attempt to recreate Garland’s 1961 Carnegie Hall concert. Details of that project were sketchy, and with good reason – it’s not happening. Fear not. On Dec. 4, Rufus is releasing a two-CD set entitled “Rufus Does Judy at Carnegie Hall.” And that’s not all, folks. On the same day, he’s releasing a DVD called “Rufus! Rufus! Rufus! Does Judy! Judy! Judy! Live At The London Palladium.” The CD was recorded in NYC in June of 2006, and the DVD was recorded in London in February of 2007. So if you’re a fan, you’ll want both. Incidentally, these are being released by our friends at Geffen Records.
For the hard-to-shop-for theater queen, I heartily recommend “Broadway Babylon.” Author Boze Hadleigh has really done his research and delivered a smart, authoritative, and dishy backstage glimpse at the Great White Way – including chapters on Tennessee Williams, Ethel Merman, “Sunset Boulevard,” “The Boys In The Band,” and more. He unearths tidbits that surprised even moi. Did you know that Jerry Herman convinced Judy Garland to make her Broadway debut in “Mame,” but the producers turned him down? I said, “WOW!” The producers said, “Uninsurable.”
My fans sure do love their hot men, and our “Ask Billy” questions reflect that. First up is Tyler in Orlando: “One minute Marcus Patrick is in ‘Playgirl,’ and the next minute he’s fired from ‘Days of our Lives.’ Any connection?”
Maybe. The moment the September “Playgirl” hit the stands, “The Globe” ran an item that Marcus was going to be written off the show because of the pictorial. Then Patrick’s own website http://www.marcus-patrick.com had this blurb: “To set the record straight, NBC is happy with Marcus’s performance on ‘DAYS’, and no one is going anywhere! (Sorry, Globe!)” And yet, the following month he was let go. The brass said it was “storyline related.” Funny, no one knew about the storyline a month earlier. Maybe it wasn’t the pictorial. Maybe the network had a problem with one of their soap actors go-go dancing with a hard-on in a gay bar. Oh, yes, sexy Marcus was “performing” at the temporarily shuttered Micky’s in West Hollywood. I vividly remember being physically dragged into Micky’s last spring by a much lauded songwriter who had a fistful of dollars aimed at Marcus’ G-string – the dollars, not his fist! Maybe someone at NBC got ahold of the risque photos you can see on http://www.BillyMasters.com where Marcus shows off his impressive appendage to a group of very appreciative gay men. Or maybe someone saw the video of him stripping – which we’ll also post!
But don’t cry for Marcus – in the upcoming flick “Love & Other Four Letter Words,” he plays a male stripper. Clearly he’s a method actor! And an exhibitionist – our friends at MalePerfection.net did a nude photo and video shoot of the hunk. You can check out a preview of the photo shoot on their site, but to watch Marcus showing us the goods while soaping up in the shower, you’ll have to go to http://www.BillyMasters.com.
Next up is Henry in Tucson: “What do you know about Andre (Birleanu) on ‘America’s Most Smartest Model’? He’s so hot, so full of himself, and so stupid. Part of me wants him to be gay, but the other part would rather he wasn’t.”
Then I guess either answer will make you happy – according to reports, he’s straight. In fact, he’s straight and a pig – which are not necessarily mutually exclusive. According to the “New York Post,” the VH-1 hunk was arrested for allegedly groping a 19-year-old actress at a party. According to this “actress”: “He grabbed me inappropriately. It was midnight or 1 a.m. when this happened. I was upstairs. It’s like a very exclusive lounge, snobby thing – young aspiring models and all the men who can afford to look at them.” Let me interrupt her touching narrative to get the facts straight. She’s 19, it’s 1 a.m., and she’s with men who can afford models. OK, let’s continue: “He touched my genitalia, and I immediately moved away. Then I looked over, and he looked really upset. I went up to him. And he was standing there with his head down. He said something along the lines of ‘no.’ He then grabbed my boobs.” OY! Here’s Andre’s defense: “I didn’t molest anyone. I already slept with that girl, so it’s strange she would say I touched her inappropriately.” Which also would explain his easy access to her “genitalia.” Whatever the reason, he’s been charged with sexual misconduct and aggravated harassment – but that won’t stop me from posting some hot pics of the hot head.
When a soap star showing skin is a bad thing, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. ‘m sure many of you are wondering about Marcus’ sexual orientation. Here’s what he told the lovely Keith Boykin: “I’m one hundred percent straight addicted to pussy.” So, unless he’s a cat lover, he’s saying he’s straight. One thing’s for sure – his pics and videos are headed straight to http://www.BillyMasters.com. I slipped in two questions this week. Who knows what I’ll have room for next week. Feel free to write me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Mackenzie Phillips plays an older version of Matthew Perry! Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.