“Harry has been over in Afghanistan fighting because he’s expendable.” – Chris Cuomo tells “Good Morning America” co-host Robin Roberts why he thinks Britain’s Prince Harry went to war, while his brother William stayed at home. You know who else is expendable? Chris Cuomo!
My fans love Prince Harry. This week, he made a statement which was almost our quote of the week: “I don’t want to sit around Windsor, because I generally don’t like England that much.” Come on – I live for stuff like that. What my fans live for are pics of hot guys. Happily, we received a few hi-res snaps of Harry involved in a shirtless game of rugby whilst in Afghanistan, and WOOF. A perfect compliment to those massive bulge pics of last year – all of which can be found at BillyMasters.com.
It’s been a helluva week politically. Hillary Clinton proved that it ain’t over till the fat lady sings – and no one’s singing just yet! Except for Barack, who is singing the blues. I’m told that after Hillary’s appearance on “Saturday Night Live” (along with Tina Fey’s ringing endorsement of Clinton), Obama personally called “SNL” head honcho Lorne Michaels and ripped him a new asshole…so to speak. Um, maybe someone forgot his own “SNL” cameo at the beginning of the season.
At the end of last year, I predicted that Aaron Carter would be our next so-called celeb to OD. Not that I wish anyone dead, but he looks like someone who has Mary Kate on speed dial! Alas, the only news so far is that he’s doing jail time in Texas for possession of marijuana. I still say someone better keep an eye on him.
What I am sad to be right about is Patrick Swayze. A few months ago, I said he looked like death warmed over. Turns out he’s battling pancreatic cancer – one of the least treatable and most deadly forms of cancer. To soften the news, his mouthpiece said that it’s a “limited amount of the disease” – which is kinda like being a little pregnant.
Onto news I am happy to confirm. Weeks ago I told you Mario Lopez was in hush-hush talks to join the Broadway production of “A Chorus Line.” It’s official – Mario will make his Broadway debut as “Zach” on April 15. This is a perfect role for Lopez, who is not much of a singer – in the film, “Zach” was played by that crooner Michael Douglas.
Also in discussions for a Broadway debut is Nicole Richie. The “Chicago” producers are chatting with the new mom to take over the role of “Roxie” this summer – a role that was played with aplomb in previous summers by Lisa Rinna and Melanie Griffith.
Hot off our story about JC Chasez bringing Chace Crawford to Elton John’s Oscar party are photographs of the twosome at LAX. Where did they jet off to? A quick jaunt to Vegas (snaps from the Strip will be posted you know where). Rumors swirled. Was this a romance? Maybe a roommate situation? People close to Chace allegedly arranged for the boys to publicly party with some Playboy bunnies at the Palms Casino. In fact, Page Six went so far as to report that several bunnies took turns spanking Chace on the dance floor. At least now we know what he likes!
Last week I got to break the news about “American Idol” contestant David Hernandez and his stripping past, which I thought was a good little story. Then I saw the Internet Movie Database headline: “Idol Won’t Remove Gay Stripper.” Come on – that’s HUGE! Especially since the earlier headline said “Idol Star Was a Nude Dancer.” When I wrote my initial story, I left out certain details. Yes, Davey worked as a bartender at “Burn,” a Phoenix gay dance club. But the club where he stripped is “Dick’s Cabaret,” which caters exclusively to men who want to see men strip (i.e. gay men). And the club advertises that the boys go TOTALLY NUDE! Now, we can’t confirm that they come out with hard-ons (as they used to at the late, lamented Gaiety in NYC), but I’m sure they’re at least “fluffed.” Also, the club has private rooms where the boys give lap dances. I’m told that the more you tip, the more they’ll do. The manager of the Dick’s says, “(David) had the look and the type that people like, so he made pretty good money here.” Enough said. Each day, more and more pics of David get leaked to me – including skin shots. Since this story is constantly changing, I suggest checking in with http://www.BillyMasters.com on a regular basis – never know when I’ll get a video of him stripping!
I previously reported that David allegedly has a boyfriend who also stripped. I’m now told that said boyfriend might be a guy who David also sang with in a group called “Vinyl Four.” Let me give credit for that find to my colleague, that gay-as-a-goose gossip Harvey Levin, who wrote on TMZ – “David has performed on over 12 luxury liners in the last two years. The boy likes to cruise!” Stop, Harvey, you’re killing me! Anyhoo, the bf looked familiar to one of my fans, who then tracked him down as the very sexy Ryan Steele, who has posed nude for DirtyBoy.com. Oh, this story keeps getting juicier and juicier. We’ll post Ryan’s hot pictorial (including fully-aroused) on our Web site.
Because I’ve learned there’s an audience for virtually anyone shirtless, we’ll post the skin pic of last season’s “AI” phenomenon, Sanjaya. Enjoy!
Speaking of “Idol,” Simon Cowell has turned down over $2 million to endorse Viagra – he claims he doesn’t need it. But he happily admits to using another product: “To me, Botox is no more unusual than toothpaste.” From the looks of it, Ryan Seacrest brushes his teeth about a dozen times a day!
Nothing makes me happier than seeing a photo of a hot celebrity looking a little fat. Like when Matt Damon was as big as a house surfing in a wet suit. I loved it. Maybe I like that someone a bit out of shape is still considered one of the sexiest men alive. Or maybe it just makes me feel good about myself when I gain a few extra pounds. Or maybe I’m just a hateful bitch. No matter the reason, I love John Stamos. He’s incredibly attractive, not completely devoid of talent, and very nice. One of the best pictures I’ve ever taken was of John and that lettuce woman when they were married. This week, someone sent me snaps of Stamos kayaking. In the first pic, he’s sitting and I’m thinking, “OK, so he’s not really toned, but who cares?” Then he gets up and I’m thinking, “Geez, he’s more than just not toned.” Then, God in merciful heaven, he’s shot from the side leaning over and I swear he could have been Raymond Burr’s stunt double! And then I reached for another donut!
Onto Carson Kressley. Certainly not fat. In clothes, he’s like a feminine Calista Flockhart. This week photos surfaced of him in a pink Speedo – and I’m the last person to chastise him for that! But, again, for a skinny guy, he looks kinda chunky. While I post all these pics for you, I’m gonna have yet another donut.
When I don’t have time for a question or a blind item, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. Oh, this was a fun column – at least for me! Don’t forget to check out http://www.BillyMasters.com – you never know what might pop up! For your questions (which I promise to answer), e-mail me at [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before Aaron gets cast on “Celebrity Rehab”! Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.