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Billy Masters

By | 2007-06-07T09:00:00-04:00 June 7th, 2007|Opinions|

“She should be alone with her THOUGHT!” – Joy Behar answers the question of whether Paris Hilton should be in a special part of the prison instead of being with the general population.

Since I unexpectedly stayed in Los Angeles over Memorial Day weekend, I found myself rattling around the house, needing to get out. As it happened, Jenifer Lewis was concluding another run of her stupendous one-woman show, “Bipolar, Bath, and Beyond” at the L.A. Gay and Lesbian Center, and she made sure I had a seat (the entire run was sold out the moment it was announced). As always, Lewis can make you laugh, cry, and contemplate – all the while marveling at her magnificence. The obscenely talented Marc Shaiman was once again tickling the ivories, and getting more laughs than ever. Former “Harlettes” Franny Eisenberg and Siobhan O’Carroll were cheering Jen on, as were Tata Vega and Niki Haris. But no one enjoyed the show more than the legendary Shirley MacLaine, who gave Lewis standing ovation after standing ovation.

On Memorial Day, we gathered at Shaiman’s Malibu abode for an absolutely perfect afternoon. Good friends, food, and fun. As it happens, Courtney Cox, David Arquette and Jennifer Aniston had the same idea and camped out a few yards away. Great minds…

I missed going to The Grabbys in Chicago, but I hear it was quite a stellar weekend – congrats! On the gossip side, rumor has it that Falcon’s Roman Heart won’t be an “exclusive” for much longer (allegedly, it was a financial decision). Something tells me our boy will land on his back somewhere soon.

There’s a trio of UK theatrical stories that deserve mention. First, the adorable Orlando Bloom is poised to make his London stage debut in David Storey’s play “In Celebration” on July 12. The play is described as “Chekhovian,” which is Russian for long and tedious. What will interest my readers is that Orly is not opposed to showing some skin. He said, “There’s nothing wrong with a little bit of nudity. I’m not sure I’ll be getting all my bits and pieces out, though.” Which translates to, “You might see my ass, but not the meat and potatoes.”

Andrew Lloyd Webber has begun writing a sequel to “The Phantom of the Opera.” The new musical will be based on Frederick Forsyth’s novel, “The Phantom of Manhattan,” based on ideas by Lord Andy himself. What will interest my readers is that Webber is considering using ex-wife Sarah Brightman in the show. He hasn’t completely committed to the idea, so she might want to refrain from giving any more interviews where she describes Andy’s “bits and pieces.”

Kevin Spacey is teaming up with Pedro Almodovar to transfer the Spanish director’s “All About My Mother” to the stage. The play will open on Sept. 4 at London’s Old Vic, where Spacey is the artistic director. What will interest my readers is that Pedro’s works have always attracted gay fans…

Theatrical news ain’t limited to the Brits. The Roundabout Theatre Company has announced that a long-overdue revival of Terrence McNally’s uproarious comedy, “The Ritz,” will open on Sept. 14. As you may know, the 1975 play was a landmark because it primarily took place in a gay bath house. Happily, most of the original cast got to document their work in the 1976 film, including the riotous Rita Moreno portraying chanteuse “Googie Gomez”. Somehow that flick hasn’t made it to DVD, but I’ll run some clips on BillyMasters.com. Roundabout has secured Rosie Perez for Rita’s role.

Everyone is talking about David Hyde Pierce being outed in an Associated Press article last week. The line that has everyone kvelling is: “Pierce got to Los Angeles in the early 1990s, when his partner, actor-writer-producer Brian Hargrove, wanted to write for television.” YAWN – people, this is nothing new. David has talked matter-of-factly about Brian for years. In fact, I was at a taping of “Ellen” back in 2003 when he talked about living with his “partner,” Brian. I believe the story was something about the alarm in their house going off and David walking around naked. I’ve blocked out the rest…

The long-threatened remake of “The Women” is allegedly going to begin shooting on Aug. 6. About 10 years ago, Meg Ryan and Julia Roberts obtained the rights and were going to co-produce and co-star. A few readings took place, but that’s as far as the project got. Now, “Murphy Brown” creator Diane English is set to direct, and the cast will include Annette Bening, Eva Mendes, Jada Pinkett Smith, Debra Messing, Ann Hathaway, Lisa Kudrow, and Candice Bergen, alongside the aforementioned Meg. I’ll believe it when I see it.

Speaking of remakes, NBC has announced a new version of “The Bionic Woman” for the fall. In this scenario, “Jamie Sommers” is a bartender, a surrogate mom to her teenage sister, and is almost killed in a car accident. No “Steve Austin.” No “Max,” the bionic dog. No thanks!

Not to be outdone, Logo, the network with virtually no original ideas, is developing its own bionic project for hunky Robert Gant. Bobby will play a gay bionic man, and the show is tentatively called … wait for it … “The Gayonic Man.” Logo – where the fun never starts.

One of our favorite queers, Jai Rodriguez, will join Drew Lachey and Mya for a show called “Shower Power,” an amateur singing contest where folks get to show off their talent while soaping up in the shower. So far, so good. Drew is slated to host with Mya and Jai as judges. By the by, there are both soloists, and folks singing duets. This is getting more interesting by the minute. Here’s an idea – have the host get in the shower with the contestants. THEN you’d have a show!

Our first “Ask Billy” question comes from Troy in Kansas: “I know you said you don’t watch ‘CSI,’ but do you happen to know who the hot blond was in an episode of ‘CSI New York’? It was over the winter, and I remember he was only in one scene, but he answered the door in a towel. I’ve been dreaming about him ever since. Help!!”

Never let it be said that I caused sleepless nights. I believe the episode in question aired on Valentine’s Day and the actor in question was Justin Hartley. You may know him from this past season of “Smallville” as “The Green Arrow.” He also played “Aquaman” in the unaired pilot which we showed on our Web site. Although that very long video is no longer online, we’ll run the clip of Justin from “CSI: NY” (along with some hot pics) on www.billymasters.com.

Ross from Atlanta writes: “I can’t believe no one ever got any photos or video of Johnny Galecki in “The Little Dog Laughed.” I saw it before the Broadway run and he had a HUGE dick.”

You’re in luck – not only do we have photos, we also have VIDEO. Of course, our video is from the Broadway production and shows every inch of the lovely Tom Everett Scott in bed with Johnny (who is indeed quite well endowed); www.billymasters.com – the site that gives till it hurts.

When I have room for two questions and a HUGE video, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. If you’re in SoCal, remember that L.A. Pride is June 9 and 10, and I’ll be hosting the Main Stage both evenings. So, drop by, say hi, and join in the fun. Don’t forget that you can always write me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Logo develops “The Six Million Dollar Dyke”! So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

About the Author:

BTL Staff
Between The Lines has been publishing LGBTQ-related content in Southeast Michigan since the early '90s. This year marks the publication's 27th anniversary.