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Billy Masters

By | 2008-04-03T09:00:00-04:00 April 3rd, 2008|Opinions|

“Say that camera were your gay lover. Can you give me your gayest look?” – Jay Leno teases little Ryan Phillippe about his experience playing the first gay teen on a daytime drama. Ryan, to his credit, didn’t play along – although he did ask Jay if he was “just going to embarrass me tonight?” ‘Cause, ya know, nothing is more embarrassing than having a paying gig on a soap as your first acting job!

I was barely in L.A. long enough to do my laundry, repack, and head to LAX bound for NYC. The reason? Patti LuPone’s opening night in the Broadway revival of “Gypsy.” I’ll give you a full report next week. Since I was gone, I couldn’t attend “Reality Cares: Tan for a Cause.” According to the press release, a group of questionable luminaries were gathering at Sunstyle Tanning in L.A. to raise money for Stoked Mentoring, a non-profit group I’m told develops mentoring programs for “at risk youths.” Because nothing says, “I’m supporting the children,” like a case of melanoma! The folks who were slated to gather for this UVB fundraiser included…you know what? I’m not gonna bother listing them – and I’m doing them a favor!

A Japanese woman paid over $52K to date Kristin Davis! The fan participated in an Oxfam charity auction and won tickets to the premiere of the “Sex and the City” movie, hair and makeup before the event, and a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes – which will aid her well while walking down the red carpet with Kristin. I wanna know how the bidding went to accompany Cynthia Nixon and her gym teacher gal pal!

The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Ever since “Sex…” went off the air, Sarah Jessica Parker has made more money in endorsements than her three co-stars combined. Not a surprise. Days later, “Maxim” magazine dubbed Sarah the “unsexiest woman alive” – and they compared her to a horse. Maybe it was a good-looking horse – didya ever think of that? Again, with all due respect, where did the Cynthia and the gym teacher fall on that list?

Sarah Jessica can take heart – Larry King was recently voted the least sexy talk show host in an AOL poll. But I believe the category was talk show hosts who are already deceased.

We haven’t had any celebs deny they’re gay for a long time. But JC Chasez has publicly stated that he and close friend Chace Crawford are not dating. “For the record, we’re both straight.” It must be an epidemic, because Chace’s “Gossip Girl” costar Ed Westwick has also clarified his relationship with Chace: “It’s just because we live together, but we’re just mates.” Hmm – seems everyone Chace is linked to is a guy, with the possible exception of Carrie Underwood (and I’m not so sure about that). Could there be something to all this gay talk? Chace may indeed be gay – at least on screen. Rumor has it that one of the “Gossip Girl” guys will come out as gay when the show returns to the air on April 21. We have no idea which one since I’ve never watched the show. But people tell us that the character Penn Badgley plays is gay in the books. You mean this crap is based on books?

Do ya wanna have Mario Lopez’s body? Spread eagle on my bed, but that’s just me. For those of you willing to put in the time and effort, Mario is sharing his secrets in a book titled “Mario Lopez’s Knockout Fitness.” The bio on the dust jacket ends with the words, “This is his first book.” No! Really? I’m shocked! His first book. To write? Or read. Alas, that’s one secret he’s keeping to himself. The cover photo and shots inside are totally worth the price. But why buy the book when we’ll run the photos? Unless you’re gonna actually do the work out.

As I revealed months ago, George Michael is preparing to tour the States this summer – his first domestic concerts in 17 years. The show will be based on his wildly successful “25LIVE” tour, which played 80 dates in 12 European countries last year. This tour coincides with the domestic release of his “TwentyFive” CD, which comes out on April 1. The 20-city tour kicks off in San Diego on June 17 and you know I’ll be ready and waiting to embrace my former paramour (but, shhh, I don’t wanna make Kenny jealous).

This week’s “Ask Billy” question comes from Kirk in Boston: “Have you seen the new model for N2N underwear? He looks so familiar, but I don’t have a clue who he is. Do you?”

I do. That would be the lovely Alan Ritchson. You may not have recognized him because he now sports long-ish streaked blond hair. A few months ago, I reported that he was the body for the semi-animated flick “Beowulf.” But you may remember him from “American Idol” a couple years ago – he was the guy who did the stripper moves for Paula and was subsequently cut during Hollywood week after cavorting the night before his audition with a few gals in a hot tub. He also played “Aquaman” on an episode of “Smallville.” But you know what they say – there are no small parts, just small actors. From what he’s packin’ in his undies, Alan doesn’t have any small parts – and we’re happy to share some of the more revealing snaps on http://www.BillyMasters.com, which includes one kinda jock strap/g-string thingy.

You can look but don’t touch – Alan is married and trying to have a kid. He’s also co-owner of a gym in West Hollywood called “Extreme Boot Camp,” which is just a hop, skip and a jump away from Filth2Go WeHo. Allegedly, he’s often there when in town. So go and check him out (I might do the same).

Let me add that during my research I unearthed a commercial he did for Russian television where he plays “Superman.” Oh, it’s a hoot (and he’s HOT!). We’ll run it on http://www.BillyMasters.com.

Could it be that Tyra and “Top Model” are parting ways? That’s buzz from set-side sources, who tell me that Banks and Jay Manuel have been battling mercilessly. Allegedly, the feud started when Tyra took offense to one of Jay’s catty quips. Jay didn’t back down. Neither did Tyra. And now they only communicate through their “people.” Banks has already started damage control, saying she might not return to the series because she’s so busy with her daytime talk show.

Could it be that a certain “Idol” hopeful is getting beaten weekly? And I don’t mean in the competition. I mean at home. Sources tell me that a parental figure is quite demanding, and when there’s a bum note, a tuning problem, or even if he’s perfect, the whooping begins. God help him when he gets voted off. Yes, it’s a he (well, kinda).

When I could have been raising millions with all the tanning I’ve done, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. And, speaking of raising money, a dear friend just informed me that I’m his beneficiary. He felt that not only have I provided him years of fun and laughter, but it makes him happy to know someone will enjoy what little money he has when he’s gone. And this got me thinking – I bet I have lots of older, single, gay fans who are scrambling to find an heir. Maybe you chuckled while reading this in an oxygen tent. Or guffawed while on a ventilator. I’d like to volunteer my services as your survivor. See? I’m a giver! For more of my gifts, head to http://www.BillyMasters.com. For your more personal queries, or if you’d like to make me an executrix (I look great in leather), write me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Georgie and I rekindle on the road. So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

About the Author:

BTL Staff
Between The Lines has been publishing LGBTQ-related content in Southeast Michigan since the early '90s. This year marks the publication's 27th anniversary.