“Even if I get AIDS at this point, I’ll still live 17 years! I could smoke now. I could smoke! Because I’m gonna die anyhow. I think I’m gonna light up as soon as I finish talking to you.” – Joan Rivers tells Ryan Seacrest the bright side of getting older. Tell that to Dick Clark!
Last week, I was channel surfing and came upon that pink-haired preacher, Jan Crouch, on the Trinity Broadcast Network’s bi-annual “Praise-a-Thon.” She was testifying that her cancer was cured not with chemotherapy, not with radiation, but with Jesus! I was about to turn off the TV when an amazing group burst into song. I felt myself filled with what I assumed was the Holy Spirit. That filled feeling traveled down to a more familiar place as I was transfixed by twin hunks looking like they just stepped off a Falcon porn set. Turns out the group was “The Crabb Family.” Yes, Billy had a bad case of the crabbs. Adam and Aaron may be straight, they may be married, they may be delivering God’s good news, but, Lordy Lordy, they sure are hot!
Very few things puzzle me, but “Out” magazine has got me scratching my head with their “2nd Annual Power 50.” This issue contains a list of allegedly the “50 Most Powerful Gay Men and Women in America.” The publication says the criteria for candidates are political clout, pop-cultural resonance, individual wealth, and current personal profile – which I think means one has to be on http://Manhunt.net to make the list. But I’ve got a question – how does one get named a powerful gay person if one is not openly gay? What message is a magazine called “Out” sending by putting people like Anderson Cooper and Jodie Foster (among others) on the list? Maybe it’s reminding us to be a successful and powerful gay person you need to stay in the closet. That’s a theory. So, why not throw Oprah on the list? After all, we gossip about her and she sure is powerful. I certainly don’t believe we should be dragging people out of the closet kicking and screaming. But this is just stupid – plain and simple.
One person who is out is Randy Jones, the cowboy from “The Village People.” Randy’s written a soon-to-be-released autobiography called “Macho Man” and it’s just bursting with juicy stories. We’re told that one choice tidbit has been axed because Greenwood Publishing felt it was too hot to handle. Why? ‘Cause it’s a story about that litigious little imp, Tom Cruise. Greenwood may be skittish, but I sure ain’t. Supposedly Randy met Tom in the early ’80s at a party thrown by Andy Warhol. According to my sources, Jones claims that he was allegedly “orally satisfied” by Cruise. And?
I’ve always been fascinated by young actors who you think will become big stars and never quite make it. James Franco is one of those people who, for some reason, never quite clicks. A friend of mine thinks he just picks awful projects (we’ll see how he fares as Harvey Milk’s lover opposite Sean Penn). Whatever the reason, he always falls a bit short. Maybe he knows it too – the hunk has just signed up for a writing program at New York University, and is planning to get his Masters of Fine Arts degree. Always good to have something to fall back on.
Another person I’d put on this list is Jared Leto – possessor of one of the most tantalizing torsos of our time. But he doesn’t want us to love him for his looks. He wants us to see him as a real thespian, and he’s going the Charlize route by playing against type. Leto gained over 60 pounds when he was cast as Mark David Chapman in the flick “Chapter 27.” Now I ask you, who wants to see a fat Jared Leto? Why not offer the role to Matt LeBlanc. He’s certainly not someone who’s ever turned down a role – or a roll! Be that as it may, Jared got the part and force-fed himself to gain the weight (he says that like it’s a bad thing). After packing on the pounds to play John Lennon’s killer, Leto ended up in a wheelchair due to circulation problems in his legs and feet. He says that some people didn’t know he gained the weight for a role – they thought he’d just let himself go (a plausible explanation, to be sure). Leto says that it took about a year to get his body back to a place that felt “semi-normal.” But, even worse, he says, “I don’t know if I’ll ever be back to the place I was physically.” Stop the insanity!
Carnie Wilson is determined to slim down from her current weight of 208 (give or take a baker’s dozen). Although she blames the gain on post-pregnancy, I don’t know how long you can use that excuse when your kid is almost three! Carnie went on the offensive after a tabloid reported she would undergo liposuction and a SECOND gastric bypass – which makes me wonder how much gastric can one actually bypass? She reportedly wants to lose this weight in a healthy way and has been photographed jogging in Beverly Hills. Her goal is to lose about 50 pounds so that she can get pregnant again. And the cycle continues…
As we reported months ago, it’s been announced that Daniel Radcliffe will reprise his role in “Equus” on Broadway. The production will be a replica of the West End production he helmed last year. The cast and the 10-minute nude scene will transfer intact to the Great White Way and open at the Broadhurst Theatre on Sept. 25 for a 22-week run. Of course, you can see the only video footage to have surfaced from the UK production (complete with nudity) on http://BillyMasters.com.
Last week, Woody Harrelson was in Miami with good buddy Owen Wilson. Although the pair had previously been photographed frolicking in the surf wearing wet undies, Woody apparently did some skinny dipping on his own and was snapped climbing up on the dock in the buff – and looking quite buff indeed. I’ll post the pics on http://BillyMasters.com.
We got an interesting “Ask Billy” question this week that required a bit of research. Tracy in Providence wrote: “US Magazine gave Perez Hilton a lie detector test to see if he was telling the truth about making out with John Mayer. The video was on their Web site and was a hoot. But when I went to show it to a friend, it was gone. Any idea what happened?”
I borrowed an investigative reporting hat from that handsome woman, Lynn Sherr, and discovered that the video was up for a day or so, and then disappeared. Everyone is tight-lipped about what prompted this deletion, but I think it’s a safe bet that neither Perez nor US wanted it squelched. So that leaves the lovely Mr. Mayer. Whatever the reason, someone leaked us a copy and we’ll post it on http://BillyMasters.com. It’s actually kinda funny – especially since Perez is given the lie detector in his closet!
When Perez is going back in the closet, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. By the time you read this, I will be bound for the East Coast – or not. God only knows since I’m supposed to be on American Airlines. But wherever I am, you can count on http://www.BillyMasters.com to keep you abreast of the best gossip around. If you’ve got a question burning in your loins, drop a note to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before I get booked on TBN (or at the next Crabb Fest)! So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.