"You guys seem pretty cool. Do you wanna come upstairs and fuck my wife?" – Dave Navarro's alleged invitation to members of the band "The Audio Bullys." The "Bullys" were taken aback and declined – so we never got to find out if it was OK with Carmen, and what participation (if any) Dave would have had.
When I wrote that I knew summer was over when the Jerry Lewis Telethon hit the air, I had no idea how relevant Jerry would be. But there he was, into hour 18, obviously babbling and acting like, well, like Jerry Lewis. In the midst of his dementia, he started ragging on the crew like an old Borscht Belt comic. And what did he come up with? He decided to refer to the cameras on the floor as if they were siblings, and called one "the illiterate fag." Jerry, that one woulda killed in the Catskills! But, on nationwide television, people were none-too-amused. Not surprisingly, overpaid GLAAD officials jumped for joy as they got to do their favorite thing – issue a press release demanding an apology. What makes this story kinda wonderful is that the 81-year-old "comic" didn't try to explain it away, he didn't rationalize, he didn't even deny it. He owned up to it, said it was a mistake, and asked for forgiveness. "I accept responsibility for what I said. There are no excuses. I am sorry." And that, Isaiah, is how it's done. No word yet from the illiterate community. Eh, never mind – they're not big on reading.
With summer almost gone, I'm looking forward to Gay Days Anaheim. This annual event takes place Oct. 5-7 and is more than just a gaggle of gays riding the Teacups. The weekend includes dinners, dances, concerts, and little celebrity sightings. My favorite event is Kingdom, the Saturday night dance party at the House of Blues. With Kimberly S. spinning, Billie "Kiss The Rain" Myers singing, Ana "Ugly Betty" Ortiz hosting, and shirtless boys dancing (to say nothing of sexy girls), it's got something for everyone. Don't miss it. Head on over to www.gaydaysanaheim.com for more info.
The big news this week is that Sherri Shepherd has been hired as a permanent member of "The View." Sherri has kept me in the loop throughout the negotiations with ABC and her transition to NYC, but swore me to secrecy – and I never fuck over my friends (which explains why I'm more popular than I am famous). Unfortunately, this isn't a completely joyous occasion for her. Prior to getting the job, Shepherd filed for a formal separation from her hubby and, because everything is up in the air, Sherri had to leave her 2-year-old son in L.A. Until things are sorted out, she plans to visit every other weekend, all the while trying to settle into a new city across the country. I can only imagine how difficult this must be for a parent, and I hope it can be resolved soon.
On a lighter note, Sherri took an apartment so close to ABC studios that I suggested she could walk to work. She has her own idea – biking to work! Am I the only one who wants a picture of Sherri in head-to-toe Lycra, wearing a helmet, and weaving in and out of NYC traffic on a 10-speed Schwinn? Get me that photo – stat!
Sherri's not my only pal with a new job. Hunky Thomas Roberts tells me that he's moved to L.A. and joined "The Insider." YAY! I lost one playmate, but gained another. Good to have you…so to speak!
"Harry Potter" is headed to NYC – and he'll be naked. Little Daniel Radcliffe confirms that he will headline a production of "Equus" on Broadway in late 2008 – which will be a reproduction of the West End staging that he was in earlier this year. This gives us all another chance to get a shot of his posterior for posterity.
Everyone is agog about the gay storyline on "As the World Turns." Sexy Van Hansis (who plays "Luke") will once again play a young man with same-sex attraction – this time on stage. Van will star alongside the divine Charles Busch in the off-Broadway production of "Die Mommie Die" which opens at New World Stages on Oct. 21. Hansis will play "Lance," which was so deliciously enacted in the film version by Stark Sands – who certainly was not shy about showing loads of skin. We'll share some sexy stills on BillyMasters.com.
The story of Larry Birkhead is quickly turning into a baby-daddy situation that not even "Maury" has tackled. If one believes Rita Cosby's new book, Larry was basically hired by Anna Nicole to be a sperm donor. And she's not the only one who was interested in his sperm. Allegedly, Howard K. Stern and Larry had a gay affair and were caught in flagrante delicato by not only an onlooker, but also a camcorder – AND allegedly Anna used to masturbate while watching videos of the two fucking! Juicy stuff. Sadly, it's possible that the entire story is completely fictional. Rita's source is Anna's "good friend" Jackie Hattan, who claims to have walked in on Howard and Larry with their shirts off and pants down by their ankles. Maybe they were just comparing dicks – they do that on SeanCody.com all the time!
That leads directly to this week's "Ask Billy" question. Roger in Houston writes: "I have a crush on a guy from SeanCody.com named William. Blond hair, great body, kinda geeky face, says he's into girls but is a total bottom. My bf says he was an Olympic athlete. Could you try and track him down?"
This meant sitting down and watching hours and hours of alleged straight guys having sex with each other. Now *I* feel like Anna Nicole! But I've tracked down your elusive blond. His real name is Steven Gaudette and he's a former gymnast. I don't think he ever made the Olympic team, but he was on the U.S. National Gymnastic Team from 1999-2003. And he's still flexible, if not versatile. Interestingly enough, one of his colleagues back then was my bon ami Matt Abboud who went on to become a Playgirl cover model. Steven is reportedly doing some modeling despite his 5'7" frame – a size that could get him a job as a stunt double in the next "Mission: Impossible" flick! Prior to his duo video with someone called Ford, the interviewer wondered what the boys would ask a girl if it was some random hook-up. Ford would ask, "Are you tight?" I'm not sure exactly how tight Stephen is since Ford entered him with ease. We'll post some pics and footage on BillyMasters.com so you can see for yourself.
'Cause I feel like throwing in an extra photo this week, we've got some pics of sexy little Zac Efron pumping up. OK, so he's pumping gas – but pumping is pumping!
When Jerry's planning to host a Telethon for gay illiterates, it's definitely time to end another column. Let me take a second to acknowledge the passing of Luciano Pavarotti. While he was not as influential to me as Beverly Sills, we shared many special moments over the years. The summer he shot "Yes, Giorgio" in Boston, I was barely a teenager and he took me under his wing. In subsequent years, he always greeted me with the biggest of bear hugs – he slipped the tongue to my sister, but that's another story. Lately it seems many of my early heroes are slipping away from this world – but not from my heart. Bravo, Luciano. Feel free to check out our Web site at www.BillyMasters.com. If you have a question, write me at [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before Placido gets a full physical! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
