Billy Masters from Hollywood

February 14, 2008

"I've got a new trainer and she's giving me a lot of good things. Really educating me about nutrition and weight loss and how to do it…I'm not on a diet. It's a lifestyle change. I'm going to be doing it for the long run. And, eventually I'll reach my goal." –
Aretha discloses her plans to get fit and trim. Of course, she doesn't exactly state what her "goal" is – I'm thinking something in the mid-300s.

After watching a four-hour "Celebrity Rehab" marathon, I realize that I'm a terrible person. I didn't watch to learn anything or to root for any of the patients, or to ponder the problems within our society. I watched to laugh and to see messy behavior – and I don't think I'm alone. I'm not saying I wish anyone dead, but wouldn't it make great television if one morning the docs open the door to Jeff Conaway's room and find he tried to commit suicide? Alas, I'm told Jeff cleans himself up – at least through the end of the show. I'm sure he'll be back on pills and booze any day now. I also believe that when Conaway had the flashback to appearing in kiddie porn, guys as well as girls were touching him. I also believe that Chyna Doll was born with a penis. And, I believe that Tom Cruise is not the father of Katie Holmes' baby – but that goes without saying.

This all leads back to Heath Ledger. Toxicology confirmed what we all suspected – accidental overdose. Fatal interaction of prescription drugs – which included two painkillers, two anti-anxiety meds, and two types of sleeping pills.

Lots of celebs have problems. Britney was let out of the nut house hours after Delta Burke admitted herself – though, to be fair, they were different nut houses. Sean Young admitted herself into rehab after being forcibly removed from the Directors Guild Awards where she heckled director Julian Schnabel who was accepting an award. Her tirade likely began with the words "Don't you know who I am?" to Julian's blank face.

Dunst checks in – to rehab. Yes, Kirsten Dunst is at the Cirque Lodge Center in Utah, which sounds more like a spa than a rehab to moi. This is the same place where Lindsay Lohan stayed last year – so obviously it's really good! She'll have company – Eva Mendes is there too. Maybe they could share a room!

A couple of "Grey's Anatomy" cast members have their own troubles. Eric Dane was just diagnosed with skin cancer. He went to his dermatologist to have what he thought was a bad case of chapped lips checked. It ended up being cancerous and he had the growth removed (there were some nasty side effects, which we'll skip). Justin Chambers checked himself into the psych ward at UCLA Medical Center claiming to be suffering from a sleeping disorder and exhaustion. Not to be outdone, Sally Kirkland claims she is receiving outpatient care for the same ailment, which begs the question – what the hell does Sally do that makes her so tired?

PETA has decided to STOP bashing Britney for wearing fur. Senior VP Dan Matthews says: "At this point, Britney needs a break from everybody. Maybe when her head is clear, she'll have a change of heart about wearing fur." In other words, she's got bigger problems than wearing a coonskin hat!

I'm a Boston boy and I should care about the Super Bowl, but I'm a gay Boston boy who barely watched long enough to see Paula Abdul (badly) lip-synch on a pre-recorded video. But my eyes did pop when I was sent a nude photo allegedly of Riley Skinner, a quarterback for the Wake Forest Demon Deacons – four words I never imagined I would type. Apparently there is a Wake Forest University with a football team and this guy Riley Skinner is a freshman who plays for them. The only part of that sentence I understand is the word "freshman"! The photo shows a well-built nude young man standing in his dorm room "aroused." Doesn't look like a fake to me. Check out the crystal clear image at

Singer John Mayer has proven he's more than a pretty face with a questionable voice. He's got quite a cute little body, judging from photos we've received from his Mayercraft Cruise – where fans and friends got to mingle with him. First we got snaps of him playing his guitar shirtless. Those were nice. Then apparently someone dared him to put on a green Borat-esque thong/onesie. Mayer, being a better sport than I imagined, slipped into the ensemble in front of everyone and did a few laps on the Lido Deck. Happily, a fan sent me the pics, which I'll post on Dang, that Mayer boy has a nice ass, too.

In what seems to have been the worst kept secret in showbiz, Cher has confirmed what we reported months ago – she'll be returning to the stage. Add Cher to the people who will be appearing regularly at The Colosseum at Caesars Palace – rotating with Bette Midler and Elton John. Cher's contract is for 200 concerts over the course of the next three years. Opening night is May 6.

Rumor has it that Mario Lopez will make his Broadway debut stepping into the revival of "A Chorus Line." But don't expect the "Dancing with the Stars" hoofer to be kicking up his heels. He's being considered for the role of "Zach" – the producer who is virtually a disembodied voice for most of the show. On the positive side, you could end up sitting next to La Lopez!

If not "A Chorus Line," Mario could turn up in "Chicago" – a musical that has expressed interest in him repeatedly. Hey, if Harry Hamlin can do it …

Our "Ask Billy" question this week comes from Rodney in Salt Lake City: "I loved your video of Daniel Radcliffe in 'Equus." But what about the blonde who has taken over the role? Other sites have the pics – do you?"

How dare you??!! Of course I have the pics. I never posted them because: 1) the actor in question, Alfie Allen, is virtually unknown to my readers, 2) Alfie is the brother of singer Lily Allen, who doesn't really fit my demographic either, 3) he's not Radcliffe's replacement. Daniel was in the West End production which closed when he left. Alfie is headlining the UK tour. We do have the close-up pics which show all. So, what the hell? Go see them on And, yes, the Radcliffe video is still exclusively on our site.

Could it be that the Super Bowl made for some strange bedfellows? So say sources who ran into two cozy cuties – one who's allegedly dating a female co-star and one who's been long-known to be of the homosexual persuasion (and, trust me, it doesn't take much persuading). Intriguingly enough, I'm told the young California boy was the aggressor, much to the chagrin of the older (by two years) gent. But what happens in Arizona stays in Arizona. Bottom line – the youngster might have enjoyed the flirtation. But he's a vegetarian, unlike his prey who we know is not averse to eating some meat!

When I'm mentioning a Mayer and wiener during Oscar season, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Let me compliment Dr. Drew for showing he's got a nice body underneath his button-down shirts. On "Celebrity Rehab," he was called in after-hours and was wearing a tight black T-shirt. He looked so hot that even fucked up Jeff Conaway said, "You look good in jeans and a T-shirt. Nice arms -way to go!" For all this and more, be sure to check out If you have any questions, feel free to write me at [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before Britney shows her coon…skin! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.


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