Why MAGA Fans Are Afraid of My Parenting Style (and Why I'm Doubling Down On It)
Cultivating a house with no closets
The haters are out in full force, already feeling emboldened by this new administration. I will never understand the fear that surrounds the need to enforce gender stereotypes.
One recent morning, someone responded to a weeks-old post where I mentioned that my young son loves to cook with me. “It looks like you’re raising a little bitch,” they wrote. I don’t know this man and I don’t know how he came across my post but he only makes me want to double down on modeling acceptance and belonging.
I don’t know about you, but I want my children to know who they really are because I want the opportunity to love them as their most authentic selves. This is why I made the decision to not dilute or pollute their exploration of identity according to any gender norms.
I talk to children in the spirit of having options. From early on, my kiddos knew that they were free to love whomever they loved. I use gender-neutral terms like “partner” and “spouse” so as not to imply I had hopes tied to any specific preference.
Someone once asked me about my daughter’s best friend who happened to be a boy. They wondered aloud if they were more than friends. I responded that I wasn’t sure; the jury is still out on whether or not she even liked boys that way, and I said so, she was just a kid who had a friend. The response I got was a sharp, fearful “You’re going to make her gay.”
Well, no. It doesn’t work that way.
What it did do was make our home a safe space to explore and question. We’ve never had a serious, sit-down “coming out” conversation of “Mom, this is who I’m attracted to.” It was just “Mom, this is my person and I love them.” My response has always been “OK. I’m happy for you that you found love.”
That’s it.
It starts with laying that groundwork with very simple things like not categorizing toys, clothes and activities — like cooking — according to gender. My son has long hair that he likes for me to braid. These things were and are gender-neutral in our home.
We also do not tease about crushes or imply attraction to anyone. That’s not ours to observe or comment on. When my son was told by his peers that his hair made him “look like a girl” I asked him, “Who gets to decide what a girl looks like?” Spoiler alert, the girl gets to decide. Each person gets to decide how they want to present themselves to the world, regardless of gender.
When my kids are ready to talk to me about attraction and crushes, I’m ready to listen, support and guide them through their new experiences without judgment or projected fear. This is not only how you raise gay children, this is also how you raise secure amazing allies for the LGBTQ+ people in your community.
Judgment and ridicule starts at home and are taught at home. If we are truly going to have a safe, loving home it must be one that is welcoming, no matter who you are and who you love.
The inauguration speeches have proven that the outside world will offer up plenty of opposition to differing identities. Social media will bring out the angry, bitter people who don’t know unconditional love. Home should be a space where you absolutely know you are loved. It should be your refuge when the world is cold.
The best tool I have to counter outside hate is to work on dismantling the proverbial closets in my own home. I will challenge assumptions and give my children the freedom to learn who they are and the security to be the allies our communities deserve. They are the future and I plan to fill the future with love.
Read More
Gavin Newsom Throws Trans People to the Wolves in the Name of Political Ambition
On the way home from the gym this evening, my 15-year-old son asked me what I thought about transgender women participating in certain sports. He gave an [...]
Pragmatic Joy: Four Ways You Can Help Michigan's LGBTQ+ Community Thrive Despite Political Headwinds
I could go on at length (just ask my loved ones) about the palpable disappointment I’ve been feeling lately as “centrist Democrats” (we used [...]
Uniting with Trans People: Why Solidarity Is Essential for the Whole LGBTQ+ Community
When straight people see the acronym LGBTQ+, they tend to think of the varied people falling under its broad umbrella as a monolith — a cohesive group of [...]
Iowa Republicans Tell Transgender People in the State to Disappear or GTFO
“Today, I signed into law a bill that safeguards the rights of women and girls,” Gov. Kim Reynolds (R-Iowa) said in a video posted to X.Sounds good [...]
Trump Administration Somehow Only Finds 'Merit' in Straight Cisgender White Men
Say what you want about Democrats, but at a bare minimum, at least Democratic administrations hired qualified people. For the most part, people appointed by [...]
The Trump Administration Is Erasing Transgender People in the Past and in the Present
Greetings from New Orleans. I’m writing this at my dearest friend’s house in Algiers Point. I have to admit, I wasn’t thrilled with the idea [...]
