Do you remember that scene in "Pee-wee’s Big Adventure" when Pee-wee Herman and Francis, in an argument about Pee-wee’s bike, end up insulting each other and then shouting, “I know you are, but what am [...]
There are two things I need to say right up front. One, getting a COVID-19 vaccine is a safe and effective way to prevent yourself and others from getting really sick and possibly dying. Two, [...]
It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for! The Pfizer vaccine has been officially FDA approved. Finally, those completely reasonable and rational people who’ve been refusing to get the shot until it was upgraded from [...]
Have you ever driven or walked across a bridge? Have you ever turned on your faucet and received water that you could reasonably expect was safe to drink and/or to bathe in? Have you ever [...]
What an incredibly stupid time to be alive. Every day Republicans and their network, Fox, are telling people NOT to get vaccinated. That COVID-19 is either a hoax or just not a big deal. That [...]
I just returned from a cross-country trek with my wife and son and I am happy to report that in much of the country, COVID-19 is over and only freaky liberals wear masks. Fun! Seriously, [...]
This may come as a surprise to many of you, but there is a lot of porn on the internet. More porn than right-wing evangelical sites trying to sell you buckets of survivalist food or [...]
Y’all, people are being very mean to Senator Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina) on the internet. Again. I mean, what does this guy have to do to get some respect around here? On July 14, Graham [...]
“Pride month is over,” Christian evangelist Franklin Graham declared on Facebook. You hear that, everybody? Those rainbow flags should all be taken down and boxed up in the basement next to that giant, light-up, inflatable [...]
Congratulations to Gavin Grimm. If you don’t know that name, you should, especially if you give a damn about transgender rights and the attack on trans kids in this country. Grimm sued his Virginia school [...]
I’ve gone from grocery store to grocery store buying up every box of the Kellogg’s Together With Pride cereal and I have them all listed on eBay. I’m kidding, I did not do that. Although [...]
Onslaught is the name of a thrash metal band from the U.K. Rainbow is the name of a hard rock band once fronted by metal legend Ronnie James Dio. Rainbow Onslaught is, sadly, not a [...]
Aside from women daring to make their own reproductive decisions, there’s nothing right-wing conservatives hate more than Pride Month. The “rainbow deluge” the Family Research Council’s professional hate monger Tony Perkins calls it. Honestly, Rainbow [...]
I remember it like it was yesterday: Trump supporters flying flags that said, “Fuck your feelings," wearing “Suck it up, Buttercup” T-shirts and making fun of safe spaces. Now, these same people are demanding that [...]
When I was a kid in the '80s I saw an episode of the "Twilight Zone" called "To See the Invisible Man.” In a future society, people get a mark on their foreheads, kind of [...]
Tennessee is on an anti-LGBTQ+ roll, y’all. You may remember that I wrote about how gay country music star T.J. Osborne was supposed to get honored by the state legislature via a resolution. But a [...]
Whenever I want to bum myself out, I do a Google news search for “Florida.” Because if terrible things are happening in the country, I can always count on Florida to kick the awfulness up [...]
Greetings from a pandemic that is still ongoing and getting worse in places. Here is a public service announcement: you don’t need to be eating inside of restaurants right now even if your state says [...]
To create the right kind of atmosphere in order to write this I have all the lights off and am using a black background instead of a white one on my computer. I’m also burning [...]
Arkansas is auditioning hard to become America’s biggest nightmare state. There is a lot of creepy stuff afoot right now. Across the country, Republicans are passing anti-voting legislation because they know they can’t win on [...]
It’s been one hell of a week. First, the good news. Vaccine distribution is going great! Hooray! Go get stabbed when it’s your turn! I can’t wait! So many exclamation marks!!! Then the bad news. [...]
Thousands of people in Jackson, Mississippi, were without water for weeks following winter storms that also wreaked havoc in Texas, revealing huge infrastructure failures. Thankfully, both Texas and Mississippi have responded with the only thing [...]
Hip, hip, hooray! The U.S. House passed The Equality Act! We’re all equal now! There’s no more hate, no more homophobia, no more Marjorie Taylor Greene! OK, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. But the [...]
Have you ever thought to yourself, “What could somebody do or say that would get them kicked off of the Conservative Political Action Conference’s speaker roster?” and then found yourself thinking really hard about it, [...]
We hold these truths to be self-evident: climate change is real and Republicans are terrible. Look no further than Texas, where, as I write this, millions of people are without power. No water, no heat [...]
By the time you read this, Joe Biden will be the President and the worst president in U.S. history will be history. Truly hope the door hits Trump in the ass on his way out. [...]
Hello! It’s 2021 and everything is fine now! Ha, ha, just kidding. The dumpster fire rages on. Some things in 2021 are delightful, like that guy who made the music video about the broccoli casserole [...]
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but Joe Biden won the election. And I don’t know what the hell is going to happen when the day comes for Trump to leave the White [...]
I’m trying to think of a scenario in which it would be appropriate to call Dr. Jill Biden “kiddo.” Maybe if you were a long-dead relative of hers who has come back from the dead? [...]
In case you haven’t heard, Donald Trump lost the 2020 presidential election. It’s over. Joe Biden will be the next Commander in Chief and not a second too soon. In fact, it’s scary that Trump [...]
On Monday, Oct. 27, Donald Trump swore in his third Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett under the cloak of night. And like many things that necessitate darkness, it was a sordid affair that will [...]
When I learned that Ruth Bader Ginsburg died I was eating these little peanut butter granola bites I really like. I immediately felt like I was going to be sick. I don’t think I’ll ever [...]
Ruth Bader Ginsburg. What a devastating loss. For her family, for the country, for the rule of law. We didn’t let her have a single moment of peace in the last years of her life. [...]
In the eyes of James Dobson and other leaders in the far-right corners of Christianity, Donald Trump can do no wrong. In a Sept. 14 column titled, “A Moral Alarm Against the Legislative Death March [...]
Greetings and F.U. to Trump and his enabling Republicans who pretended COVID-19 was a Democratic hoax and STILL have no national plan to mitigate the virus, because my kid started his first day of middle [...]
Well, well, well, if it isn’t another week in Horror Town, USA. That's just about any town in the country right now, but it's definitely all of the towns in Florida. Every time I watch [...]
I’m in Philadelphia visiting my sister and apparently during my trip there were Nazis marching here and chanting “fuck the gays.” Ah, America. Meanwhile, people are debating whether or not “cancel culture” is the real [...]
Corporate America, man. Who knew they had the power to do seemingly impossible things like getting the Washington football team that uses a racial slur as a goddamn mascot to change its name? I mean, [...]
I am thinking of changing the title of this column to “Dispatches from Hell,” because I truly feel like every week is just another barrage of awful news stories, most of them with Trump at [...]
Even if you know in your heart of rainbow hearts that the president of the United States and the cretins who work for him hate you, you might not realize that this administration is always [...]
June may be Pride Month, but it is’t official any more. Not since Donald Trump became the president. He has never issued an official proclamation declaring June Pride month. But this year is different. Not [...]
I’m writing this on June 1, the beginning of Pride month. Simultaneously, across the country people are protesting and tensions are escalating over the issue of racism. This is, of course, related to Pride. Many [...]
At the time of this writing, 89,564 people have died from COVID-19 in the U.S. An uninterrupted moment of silence for each person would last 62 days. And yet there is no state of national [...]
In the past month you’ve no doubt seen headlines like, “Can your marriage survive the coronavirus?” or “15 Tips On How To Stay Married During Quarantine” or “Yep, we’re all fighting with our partners right [...]
Currently trending political advice: Do not chug Lysol. Do not inject bleach. Do not smoke Clorox wipes. Also add to that list: Do not vote for Republicans. My God, what a sick and dangerous joke [...]
Well, it was only a matter of time before it was revealed that LGBTQ people are responsible for the COVID-19 coronavirus outbreak. It turns out that God is mad about gay marriage. So file COVID-19 [...]
There’s a reason #StayTheFuckHome is trending. Because that’s what we should all be doing. As much as possible, of course. There are lots of people who can’t, maybe because they have to work or have medical appointments they can’t miss. In other words, good reasons.
There’s a reason #StayTheFuckHome is trending. Because that’s what we should all be doing. As much as possible, of course. There are lots of people who can’t, maybe because they have to work or have [...]
Public Service Announcement: Wash your hands – more than you already do. And get yourself a bottle of rubbing alcohol and some cotton balls and swab down your phone on the daily. As an expert [...]
When I was in elementary school I was taught that the Mayflower landed at Cape Cod and that’s how the pilgrims (aka the puritans) arrived in America. After this lesson I did not become, nor was I tempted to become 1.) A pilgrim, 2.) A deckhand, 3.) A cod.
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