By Diane Silver
Political IQ
What we have here is a teachable moment. It would be a shame to waste it.
In June the Obama administration touched off a firestorm in the LGBT community. The ignition point was a Department of Justice brief that defended the Defense of Marriage Act so vigorously people first thought it was written by holdovers from the Bush administration.
Surely progressive Obamites, representing a president who claimed to hate DOMA, couldn't have compared same-sex marriage to the nuptials of an uncle to a niece? They couldn't really have written that DOMA is neutral and, thus, hurts no one? It turns out that Obama's justice department could and did just that.
The blogosphere erupted. Some LGBT donors pulled out of a Washington, D.C., fundraiser for the Democratic National Committee, and protestors picketed outside. Another DNC fundraiser in Boston was also picketed.
Obamites hastily convened an Oval Office ceremony where the President signed a memo providing limited benefits to same-sex partners of federal employees. These benefits don't include health insurance and were labeled too little, too late by many, myself included. At the same time, even the mainstream media began reporting that the always loyal gays were considering a political divorce.
I'm not ready to divorce Obama or the Democrats — at least not today. But I do want to note that all of this upheaval has provided us with a teachable moment.
Here's the point: People who should be our greatest supporters – straight progressives and liberal politicians – are sometimes our biggest roadblocks. This isn't necessarily because they're secret homophobes or political cowards, although a serious lack of spine can be an obstacle.
The problem is their ignorance.
I bumped into this at lunch with a straight journalist. This kind soul doesn't have a homophobic bone in his body. His beat is progressive politics, which keeps him in touch with a range of issues, including LGBT rights.
When I told him LGBT Americans were unhappy with Obama, he was surprised. When I mentioned that handing out a few, minor benefits to a few federal employees wouldn't placate us, he was flabbergasted.
He didn't understand the depth of suffering DOMA inflicts. He had no idea that immigration law tore our families apart. He was shocked that we took the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" military ban so personally.
Our meal was cordial, yet I sensed that he was struggling to understand what I was saying. I suspect that on a gut level he didn't grasp the fury and despair that LGBT people know too well.
My liberal friend isn't alone in his ignorance.
Nadine Smith, executive director of Equality Florida, reports that focus groups with heterosexuals show that even those with gay friends and family are ill-informed.
"A panel of straight people who knew gay people said they did not believe discrimination was real or nearly as bad as we described it because their gay friends or family would have told them," Smith wrote on her organization's blog.
Gays confirmed to Equality Florida that they didn't talk to their straight friends and family about discrimination. Smith reports that gay participants in their focus groups said about heterosexuals that "if they cared, they would ask."
I don't think the lack of questioning comes from lack of caring. I think the problem is that straights are simply clueless. They don't know they need to ask. If you had always lived in the comfort of heterosexuality and your concept of LGBT life is "Will and Grace," smiling Ellen Degeneres and gay pride marches, how are you supposed to know about our suffering?
If we don't tell our friends, family and coworkers what it's like to be treated like second-class human beings, how are they going to understand? The religious fanatics who campaign against equality aren't going to tell them.
Obama and his staff should know better. I agree with those who say it's time to close the Gay ATM. The LGBT community has to send the message to Obama and the Democratic Party that we will not support them if they don't support us. And "support" means taking concrete action to repeal the policies and laws that hurt us.
Closing our wallets and refusing to donate is a fine first step, but I think we have to do more. Obama's stumbles and the resulting LGBT outrage have given us the attention of the heterosexual world. Now we have to take the next step. We have to open our mouths and tell the truth about our lives.
