Colton Underwood Embraces Daddyhood: Former 'Bachelor' Star on Showing Conservatives That He Deserves a Family, Too
The soon-to-be-father on why he’s always wanted children and reassessing his privacy
You knew him first as the first gay “Bachelor.” Many years later, in 2021, you got to know him much better when “Coming Out Colton” aired on Netflix. And while you don’t know Colton Underwood as a daddy yet, you will come October.
By mid October, Underwood and his husband Jordan C. Brown, who he married in May 2023, will welcome a newborn baby boy. To prepare for parenthood, Underwood has already done his homework by producing 28 episodes of his podcast, “Daddyhood.” On the podcast, the 32-year-old former football player, who followed in his own father’s footsteps by playing college football at Illinois State University, opens up about the couple’s fertility journey and talks to guests ranging from surrogates to egg donors and other expecting parents.
On a recent Zoom call, Underwood sported a tan and blonder hair — a combination of highlights and natural lightening thanks to a recent trip to Costa Rica. He spoke about helping to inform his conservative followers about same-sex parenting, navigating his family’s privacy as a public figure and one of the biggest misconceptions about being a gay dad.
Your whole trajectory is fascinating. I'm not sure even you expected at this point in your life that you’d be welcoming a child in October and hosting a podcast called “Daddyhood.”
Yeah, I know. That's the best though. Life throws you curveballs, and I'm so proud of Jordan and I just staying true to who we are and what we want out of a relationship. And also, it's been a long journey for us, two years in the making. And I know for a lot of people sometimes it takes much longer too. But I'm so blessed and so looking forward to bringing the baby boy home
What stage are you in right now emotionally? And also, what preparation stage are you in knowing you're just a couple of months away from having a child?
I mean, we're both just so excited and feeling really grateful. As far as preparation goes, we have the luxury of not physically having to carry the baby, so we're a little ahead of the game. Our nursery is already done. We have most of the essentials already chosen and picked out, so we're feeling really good, feeling really prepared, and just ready to give this baby so much love.
Have you decided on a name for the baby?
It hasn't officially been locked in. We have a few that we're headed to the hospital with just to see what he looks like the most.
Some parents are so definitively set on the name of the baby before the child is born. What made you go this route?
Well, look, we've heard it all at this point. Whether people intend to or not, a lot of people are pretty pushy of, "We did this, and it worked great. You should do this." But Jordan and I have always done a good job of taking a step back and following our path and making decisions that we feel are going to be best for our family. Who knows if we might land on a name in the next week or two or tomorrow even, but right now we have a handful of names that we're going to be walking into the hospital with.
Are some of the people who have been influential in this journey for you on your podcast?
Yeah. Season One was all about fertility, and I have my fertility doctors and fertility lawyers on there. We have surrogates and egg donors on the podcast, not mine, by any means. But just really trying to paint the picture of the overall process and how much goes into it.
I think just my goal for “Daddyhood” is to humanize this experience of bringing life into this world and to show that not just the traditional type of relationships and people are allowed to have families. Everybody can, whether you're a single dad, a single mom, two moms, two dads, whatever your family dynamic looks like, as long as that baby and the kid is loved. That's my goal here.
In addition to celebratory comments on your socials, there's also a fair share of negative comments relating to you raising a child in a same-sex relationship. Considering you do have a more conservative fan base than the majority of LGBTQ+ public figures in the world, just based purely on your football history, how do you think you are a bridge between those followers and who you are and what you stand for?
I take a lot of pride in it. I mean, I realized that they still follow me and they're listening to me. And that's more than a lot of other queer people can say because things tend to get heated pretty quickly, especially when it comes to people projecting their opinions and thoughts on your rights as a human being. I feel like I hold a responsibility not only for myself, but for our community, to be patient with them and to listen to them, but also to educate them.
I definitely want to be a voice that is standing my ground and saying like, "Hey, this is who I am. This is what my experience has been like, and here's what other people's experiences have been like as well." And just somewhat trying to take the high road, but also just using this as an opportunity to bridge people who might not have listened to one another in the past.
I want to show them who I am and why I'm deserving and why I've always wanted to be a dad, and what also kept me in the closet for as long as it did. Not that I need to prove this to people, but I also just feel like it is my responsibility to continue to right the wrongs of these people and their opinions and prove them wrong.
Why did you always want to be a dad?
I just have always wanted a family, and I've always wanted to raise kids. I just feel like it's the ultimate bond that I can share now with my husband Jordan, and also just a lifelong goal of mine. I know people have financial goals and career goals. I've always, from my young days, wanted to be a stay-at-home dad, and I wanted to bond with my kid and I wanted to teach him or her how to play softball or baseball or soccer or football and be a coach and a mentor. I just feel like I have so much to give to my family and to have that happen this year is incredibly exciting.
What inspired “Daddyhood”?
I think the inspiration for “Daddyhood” was brought just from the limited information that's out there for same-sex couples trying to have families. I mean, it's expensive. It's long, it's confusing. There's a lot of paperwork that goes into it. I figured I have this opportunity to bring people along, and that's sort of what I've done my entire career and my entire life is bring people along this journey with me. And “Daddyhood” is no different. They're there for me from the moment I tested my sperm to see how many sperm I had, to doing the mock cycles and the egg transfers and the news that we're pregnant, and then bringing this baby boy into the world.
Which guests left a major impression on you?
There's so many. What I love doing is elevating the voices of people and companies that are innovating the space and investing not only their time and resources and money into it, but really just dedicating themselves to making it easier for the queer community. One that I could single out quickly would be Legacy Sperm. They're an at-home sperm testing kit, which I think is huge not only for same-sex couples that are living in maybe more conservative states, but also our trans community. They have a lot of trans customers just because of what I pointed out. Those people might not feel comfortable going into a doctor's office or a traditional lab to get their work done out of fear of many different things.
In one episode, you discuss how surprising it may be to people who watched you on “The Bachelor” that you may decide to keep your family life more private. Why does that approach seem best for your family?
I think it's my partner. I mean, Jordan is an incredible balance for me. He's not a very public person and likes to be private. But he also understands and supports me in my career and what I'm doing. He also feels the responsibility of us continuing just to be somewhat public-facing as two married men. And I think that went into our decision to continue to be out and open and not hide anything. But also there's criticism always that comes along with that. I've done it all: I've let people's comments go, I've addressed them, I've taken the “kill them with kindness” approach. I've tried it all, right? And it adds up.
To bring a baby into this world and then subject them to any type of opinions or hurt is something I want to avoid. So that's our golden rule right now: just to protect our family.
And yet you are in this distinct position, like we discussed, of how your public life can help change and shape the discourse around LGBTQ+ families. That’s trickier to do if you’re private about it. So how do you reconcile the two?
I mean, I'm going to just continue to do the work that I'm doing right now. I definitely think that I'm very much of the mindset of “people can be multiple things.” And also people can change and people can grow. I'm certainly not the same person I was when I was 25, first entering the reality world. And I'm allowed to redraw my boundaries. I think I never really fully understood that, where I was like, "Oh, I came in through reality TV. I owe this to people." And it's like I can reevaluate and make decisions that are healthy and best for me as I continue to navigate my life. I think the same thing can be said about my relationship and my family and continuing to honor and respect the work that I want to do, but also do it in a way that feels good to me.
What are some of the common challenges that specifically gay fathers face?
For gay fathers, specifically, the thing that I hear is, "How dare you take this baby from a mother? The child needs a mother.” Of course, biologically, I don't have the body parts of a woman, but I am going to hopefully have that emotional capability to connect with my son. [I want to] continue to break down the barriers and stereotypes that family is a man and a woman, and that's what the unit looks like. It can look like so many different things.
Any famous gay dads who have been mentors to you during this?
Obviously you look at the examples of Andy Cohen, Anderson Cooper, Neil Patrick Harris. Those are men who put a lot of work in and didn't always have to be as public as they were, but they were because they knew that there was work to be done.
Are there any current parenting trends or practices you're following that you find interesting?
I've obviously read articles and books and all of that, but I feel like it all goes out the window. As soon as you bring that baby home, you really have to bond and figure out what they want. Jordan is definitely more of the products person — products, ingredients — and he's very picky on organic everything, and I love that. He and I are very yin and yang with what we bring to the table as parents.
What are your future plans for “Daddyhood”?
Season Two is going to be a lot more of just me continuing to talk about my experiences, but also bringing on other dads and incredible brands that are innovating and continuing to push for equality in many different ways. That's the big thing: continuing to serve as a bridge to many different communities and do my part.
When can listeners expect to tune into those upcoming episodes?
I will say after I get my head above water after bringing my baby boy into this world, that's when it will go back into production. I want to continue to get that experience so then I can share authentic stories and really open up and be vulnerable about how it's been impacting me. So I would definitely say later this year or early next year.
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